Harness Your Power: It's Not Personal Unless You Make it So!

(No, that is not a picture of me!)

Too often we take what other people say and do as a personal attack.  I've learned that other people are entitled to their own opinions, judgments and perceptions.  It's up to me whether I allow what they are saying to upset me or if I see what they are offering as simply information to consider.

Here's a good story I found on the subject:

A tale is told about the Buddha, Gautama (563-483BC), the Indian prince and spiritual leader whose teachings founded Buddhism. This short story illustrates that every one of us has the choice whether or not to take personal offence from another person's behaviour.



It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.


The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"


"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.


"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."

Are you accepting negative "gifts" from others?  You don't have to.  You always have a choice of whether you take in what another person offers you.
 
Choose wisely.  Each choise affects the quality of your life experience.
 
With a wish for peace,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Transform Self-Doubt

You walk into a room.  You start to think, "Do I fit in here?  My clothes aren't as nice as hers.  My handbag and shoes are last season.  I wonder if they think I'm fat.  I feel so out of place here."

You put on your smile and start interacting with the other guests.  The voice in your head keeps chattering, "This person seems so accomplished.  They seems important and well-connected.  I don't measure up.  I wonder what they think of me.  Oh no.  What I said didn't make any sense.  Why can't I do better at having these conversations?"

Self-critical thinking can sabotage us.  It keeps us from being relaxed and at ease.   It hinders us from enjoying each moment of life.  It gets in the way of a bold, confident approach to conversations. 

I know about this kind of thinking because I have moments of it myself.  I've studied my own self-critical thought patterns for several years now.  As I observed my mind closely, I saw that I was my own worst enemy.  I was harder on myself than anybody else.  In fact, I'd never say to others the type of harsh judgmental words I would say to myself.  I've learned that this type of thinking need not control me.

When my mind starts down these negative paths, I stop.  I take a few deep breaths.  I then refocus my mind on the wonderful, unique aspects of who I am:  "I am a woman full of courage and love.  I have gifts and talents, unique ones.  I embrace and love myself for who I am. I stand tall and confident.  I love learning and growing.  I relax and choose to focus my mind on the good in myself and in others.  I am here on Earth for a reason."

That new thinking energizes me.  It ignites my inner light.  It clears away the clouds of comparison with others so I can really listen to another person when I am having a conversation.  I become more effective when I love and affirm myself.

This week I offer you a challenge.  Take a day and observe your mind.  Pay particular attention to the self-talk you have.  What do you say about yourself?  Are you critical?  Write down any negative or judgmental things you have thought about yourself.  Become aware of how often you "beat yourself up" in your mind. 

Now, take your list of thoughts and transform them one by one.  Consider the question, "What good can I see in myself?  What gifts do I have to offer?  What are all the great things about myself?"  Write down as many empowered, positive statements as you can.  If you can't think of any, seek some help from a trusted, loving friend. 

We are each amazing people.
We become more remarkable as we honor ourselves in our thoughts.

Seeing the best in me and seeing the best in you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Breathe!

Stressed?  Overwhelmed?  Pressured and worn down?

Perhaps you could use a break.  Why not create small moments of peace and new energy by switching off all electronic devices and sitting in total silence?  You could go into nature to do this.  Or, you could use the living room couch.  You could even do this in the car.

For five full minutes breathe in and out as deeply as you can.  Feel your breath moving in and out of your body.  Notice how amazing this breath can be.   Let it fill you.  Quiet your mind and simply relax into the moment.  Be.  Simply be present where you are.  Choose a one word mantra like "peace" or "joy" or "calm" or "relaxed" and focus solely on that word as you breathe in and out.

It is okay to disengage from everything and everyone and take a few minutes to refresh and revive yourself. 

Just do it.
Just breathe.
Just step away from the noise (inner and outer).
Just give yourself a few minutes of delicious quiet.

You deserve peace.
Why not create it with this simple daily exercise?

I'm doing the exercise with you this week.

With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Beyond Judgment to Love

There is a deep pain in my heart.  I will be honest.  I was judged deeply and broadly and harshly by someone close to me.  I felt angry.  I wanted to lash out.  I began to judge the other person in my heart, "Who is this person anyway?  How can they not accept me for the path I've chosen?"  Quickly, though, I stopped myself.

I've been through this pattern before.  The "they-judge-me-and-then-I-get-angry-and judge-in-return" pattern.  You've experienced this pattern, haven't you?  It seems this is one deeply felt by those who are part of our human family.

Today felt intense as I moved through a range of emotions from pure anger, to frustration and heart-breaking sadness.  Yet, I am grateful to this learning partner of mine.  This situation challenged me once again to replace my anger with love. 

What is the point of me judging the other person for judging me?  I have to laugh. Think of these cycles we humans create!  One person is angry and judges the other.  Then, the other person judges the other person.  The conflict begins and escalates quickly as emotional exchanges leads to shouting matches.  Then people walk away from one another -- siblings against siblings, parents against children, long-time friends part ways. 

What is this insanity we are creating?

What if, instead, the person being judged simply said, "Thank you for your perspective.  I will consider it even though I don't agree with it." 

What if, instead, the person being judged simply said, "No matter how you feel about me, I choose to love you?"

My prayer this week is that God will expand my heart beyond all judgment.  That I will learn to take nothing personally but instead see even those who offend me and accuse me with eyes of compassion.

Will you join me?

With a humble heart desiring to learn,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Step - by - Step Adds Up!

Is it just me?  Or, is time moving really fast these days?

I find that a day seems to go by as fast as a few hours.  A week feels like it was only a day.  I often sit and wonder how I will ever be able to make the progress my heart yearns for.  It appears there just isn't enough time for everything I want to accomplish.

I have concluded that daily baby steps taken on my desires ADD UP!  There are times when it feels like the little moves forward make no difference.  I look ahead and the destination I am aiming for still seems so far away.  Yet, with determination and passion, I stay focused and keep moving forward, doing whatever I possibly can each day to progress.

Keep taking your daily baby steps toward your dream.  Don't give up.  The effort you are putting in is worthwhile!   Enjoy the entire journey.  Each step provides essential learning for your soul's development.  Be exuberant and joyful as you experience life.

Here are a few quotes I found that I thought might uplift you:

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”  (Mark Victor Hansen)

"Progress always involves risk; you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first base.” (Frederick Wilcox)

"Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow."  Plato

Keep moving forward! 
I'm moving forward with you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Notice the Fear

I am amazed at the number of layers of fear I have inside me.  I've been working on my fears for years now -- looking at each one, studying it and letting it go.  Yet, it seems that because I am willing to release all my fear, life brings me all the right situations to help me see what fear still remains.

There is nothing new under the sun.  The humans who have walked this planet for thousands of years before me have all thought and felt these things.  Those who come after me will feel fear too.  Yet, each human does make it through their journey on earth.  This being the case, what if we could skip the stress and anxiety piece of it and walk life in peace even int he difficult times.

Things always have a way of working out.  I'd rather go through a struggle and not drain my energy.  I'd rather feel well every day than have knots in my neck and stomach.  So, I continue to devote my focus to understanding the depths of my fears.  I'm learning about myself in deeper and deeper ways because of my willingness to see and know.  I am always shown more insights.  For this I am thankful.

On another note, I was fortunate to have spent time with a fantastic Nigerian artist, Nneka Egbuna.  You really should check out her music.  (http://www.nnekaworld.com/us/video ).  Her lyrics are deeply spiritual and her music moves the soul.  She made some profound statements about life and love that I am excited to share via my column in Vanguard Newspaper.

Maggie and Skye, my daughters, are big fans of hers because I play Nneka's music all the time in the car.  They had the privilege of seeing her perform and then meeting her backstage.  How blessed we are.

I pray this week that we are able to see the fears that bind us and keep us from feeling well.  May we each identify those fears and may we be guided to release the fear and move into an inner knowing that All is Well...All is Well all the time.

(As a continuation to last week's blog, my neighbor and her baby are now safely checked into a six-month drug rehab program.  It is a joy to see them launched into a new phase and I pray that healing and progress happen for them in these upcoming months.)

With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

When we feel unhappy about the results we are getting in our lives, too often we look to blame external circumstances.  What if instead, we take a peek inside -- examine your mind and your thinking closely! 

Small thinking creates small living.  Empowered thinking creates empowered living.

The choice of thought is always ours.  But we often don't realize this and go with whatever flow of thinking comes into our mind.  Things like, "I'm no good...I can't do it....I'm never going to make it...I'll never find the love I want...I'm damaged goods nobody would love me....I'm just not smart enough, strong enough or good enough to get what I want in life."

Does any of that type of thinking sound vaguely familiar to you?

Take a peek this week.  Look at your thinking.  Examine it closely.  Do so by writing down the thoughts on paper and asking yourself, "Is the way I'm thinking about myself and life helping me to create a life I love or is it keeping me from what I want?"

Be honest.

If you need some help in transforming your thoughts, that is my specialty.

As the Thought Dr., I believe that as we heal our thoughts, we can heal every aspects of our lives.  It takes time and practice.  It takes honesty and willingness.  It takes dedication and discipline.  AND once you get the hang of it you will be amazed at the way you bloom!

With all my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Power of Self-Talk

This morning I will be speaking locally at a Mother's Day breakfast.  I am looking forward to sharing insights with the mom's on the importance of self-talk.

We are typically our own harshest critics.  About 7 years ago I discovered that my thoughts about myself were harsh, guilt-ridden and extremely judgmental -- "I'm not a good enough mom or wife.  I should do better.  I don't measure up.  I can't keep up with others.  What if I don't give my kids what they need?  I am too fat.  I am not pretty enough.  I should be working harder, longer and doing more...."  On and on and on the self-talk went. 

From the outside people thought I had it altogether.  But on the inside I was beating myself up constantly. 
I was my own worst enemy. 

As I began to study my mind I realized that beating myself up was only one possible approach.  In fact, I began to see that I'd never talk that way to other people, so why would I be doing this to myself?

I began to review this disempowered self-talk and revise it.  Here is what I came up with to replace the old thinking:  "I am a good wife and mom.  I do my best every day.  What gets done today gets done.  The rest can wait until tomorrow.  I love myself and honor myself for trying so hard.  I am a beautiful person inside and out."

With this change in self-talk I began to feel better.  And, I began to find proof of all the ways in which I was a good wife and mom.  The better I felt inside, the more energy I had.  The more energy I had, the better I became.

How is your self-talk?  Take a close look this week.  Begin to write down any negative, disempowered thinking that haunts you.  Write the thoughts down and study the impact they have on your life -- if you changed this thinking, how different would your life feel?

You can do it!
If you need support, I'm only an email away :)

With all my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

I have plenty of free positive affirmations at my website...check them out :)
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/freeresources-affirmations.html

Harness Your Power: All You Need is Love

I want to keep things simple this week.  I offer a gentle reminder that if you love yourself your whole life will change.  You will blossom into the incredible, unique expression of LIFE that you are meant to be.

I have been seeing this in a 21 year old woman who adopted me as her mom about six weeks ago.  When we met she was sad, depressed and in rather deep abuse and despair.  In the past six weeks she has been transforming in the most remarkable way.  In fact, she said to me yesterday, "Mom, I used to hate myself.  Now, I am opening to self-love."  I have been reminding her that she deserves to be loved.

I've been observing this change first-hand.  Her faces and smile are brighter and she feels hope.  She sees some new possibilities for her life.  She has lots of steps to take to get where she wants to be in life, but she feels more energy and knows that she can do it.

All you truly need for radical life transformation is LOVE, deep love and acceptance for yourself.  The more of this you give yourself, the more easily you will make choices that are good for you.

You can do it.
I send you my love, encouragement and support.

There is nothing wrong with you...you are created the way you are for a very important purpose. 

Affirm this week:  I open to loving myself more each day.
Say it with conviction.  Offer up a prayer asking for help with this.

Miracles happen.
With my love,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Stay Focused & Be Patient

Ponder this, “It’s the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles.” (Claude M. Bristol)


Are you tired of the obstacles you encounter as you focus your energy on creating the life of your dreams?

Remember, the river flows gently and easily around any rock that appears in its path. You can move beyond obstacles like this too!

Perhaps you aren’t seeing progress happen as fast as you’d like and you’ve gotten frustrated.

Relax.  Life unfolds in the perfect time.  Be patient. 

Keep focused. Day-by-day effort adds up. You are paving a new path. Of course there will be challenges!

Enjoy each moment of your path.  Don't postpone happiness until the changes come.  Enjoy today for what it is.

I wrote this message for me and for you.  These reminders are very helpful for those of us who desire continued growth and aspire to reach our highest potential.

Have a blessed week ahead...and relax your spirit.  It may be easier than you think :)

Patricia Omoqui,  The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Release the Pressure

Often it is we who are the ones who put the most pressure on ourselves.  I'm really good at this -- especially when it comes to writing.  I've been working on a book now for several years.  I've made good progress, in fact, I'm getting really close to finalizing it.  Yet, there have been days when I am putting so much pressure on myself to get it done, that I give myself a headache and stomachache.

I laugh as I write.  I know that my thoughts on the matter are causing the physical reaction in my body and the stressful emotions.

As I notice this happening, I stop.  I step back.  I let it go.  I breathe.  I remember that my best writing comes when it moves from my heart to my fingers and onto the page.  I realize pushing something to completion and exhausting myself in the meantime is actually not how I want to live.

So, I am refocusing my thinking this week.  I'm trying to rest my mind and let go of the pressure-filled thinking.  A book is in my heart and will be born at the right moment.  In fact, sometimes what is inside us must mature long enough so that it isn't born before it's time.  I guess like  a pregnant lady nearing the end of her last tri-mester, the feeling of "I just want this baby out of me!" is what I feel some days.

Whether you are writing a book, remodelling your home, dealing with your children or any other project going on in your life, I invite you to release the inner pressure and instead, let the flow of life move you through it.

The river of life moves us forward naturally.  If we just stay relaxed, we move.  If we swim upstream thinking we have to figure it all out on our own, we do exhaust ourselves (at least I sure do).

Life is on schedule.  Perhaps we just need to shift our thinking and be a bit gentler to ourselves.

Here are a few suggestions:

I relax my mind.
I release the inner pressure.
I open to the flow of life.
I am on schedule.
Everything that needs to get done in a day, gets done.
The rest of my tasks and projects are there waiting for me tomorrow.
I rejuvenate my mind and spirit and body so I feel well.
From joy, my best work flow easily.

I send my love to you :)
We sure are funny creatures, aren't we ?

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

p.s. I'm taking on new life coaching clients if you are interested and could use the support.