A New Daily Practice: Happy Heart Memories

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. ~J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922

A friend of mine suggested I try something new.  She said, "Try today to focus on one happy memory.  Re-live it in detail.  Feel the goodness in it.  Let it fill up your heart with joy and delight."

I thought that would be an easy task for me.  It wasn't.  In fact, I learned a tremendous amount about my next area of growth by attempting this exercise.

I grew up in a serious household.  My dad was German to the core.  He embraced philosophies such as:  "Children should be seen and not heard," and "None of that foolishness or messing around. . . stop laughing . . . get to work. . . life is serious not fun."  Thus, as a young girl, I was taught to suppress myself, especially when it came to laughter and silliness. 




I have spent much time and energy healing childhood challenges, putting the pieces inside me back together.


Fast forward thirty years.  I've been focused on my personal growth for many years now.  And, I have come a long way in clearing my mind of fears, wiping out self-doubt and getting past limiting beliefs.  In fact, I have found a way to experience peace most of the time, even in extremely difficult circumstances.

But, what I realized from doing this exercise is that I am ready now to cultivate a joyful heart! 

As I attempted the Happy Heart Memory exercise, I found myself struggling to think of fond memories.  It wasn't because I don't have any to think of, it was because I rarely bring these wonderful delights into my mind.

My heart feels warm and open, deeply satisfied and nourished when I reflect on special times.

I'm getting the hang of it now.  And, I can't believe how many smiles and laughs have been stimulated by thinking of the silly, wonderful, uplifting things that happen. 

Many of these remembrances are of simple moments--rolling on the floor laughing with my children after my husband had jumped out of the closet and scared us all to death!  Thinking of my daughter Maggie as a one year old sitting on the bed with Dad pretending she was reading a newspaper.  Or, when my daughter Skye would pretend to be Hannah Montana and perform songs for me in the living room.

You see, now that I have gotten started with these Happy Memories, something has shifted inside of me.  It is as if there was an unlit candle inside of me waiting to be sparked.  I can tell you that the more I review these fond times, the larger the flame grows within me. 

Why not give this a try with me?  I have decided that every day for the next 30 days, I am going to do this daily practice.  Yesterday I did it after my kids were asleep and in bed. I sat on the couch with some old photos and reminisced.  Today I did it while at the park walking in nature. 

I have also realized that the more I engage my senses throughout the day, I am more likely to create new Happy Memories that I can recall down the road.

Let the flame of joy ignite within you.  It will melt away more of your discomfort and pain.  It will burn away old energy and open the door to all that you desire to move closer to you.

By engaging your heart, you might just grow new wings and fly to higher heights!  That's my plan, how about you?

With great love for you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

Connecting Others to Their Dreams Helps YOU Grow

Too often, we human beings operate in fear mode.  We hoard our resources--the money we have, the opportunities we get and the network to whom we have access.  We feel so protective because we think, "They will get ahead of me...there aren't enough opportunities for everyone so I have to cling to whatever I have my hands on right now."

I believe there is an alternative way of thinking.  It goes like this, "As I share my resources with others, it helps me to grow.  As I help others rise higher, I naturally rise higher as well."

That is the philosophy I embrace. It is the spirit I attempt to live with each day.  I have found that this lifestyle has great rewards. 

I will share a concrete example, an experience I have had over the past month.

In November 2011 I had the privilege of speaking in Abuja (Nigeria) to a fantastic group of women.  Their organization is called Business Professional Women - Nigeria (BPW).  I delivered a keynote address called The Mindset of the Empowered Woman.  I was inspired by being part of the event and by sharing my address with the group.

Speaking at BPW event, November 2011

While there I mentioned to the President of the group that if they ever came to the U.S., they should let me know.  I expressed my interest in helping them find the connections they need for their personal and professional growth.

Angela Ajala (BPW Nigeria President) and me at the event

Fast forward to February 2012.  I receive an email from the BPW President, Angela Ajala.  She lets me know a group of 25 to 35 women will be attending the UN Conference on the Status of Women.  She takes me up on my offer for connecting the women to opportunities. 

Let me tell you, for years I have had a vision in my heart--to be a bridge between the USA and Nigeria. For those of you who don't know, my husband is Nigerian and I am greatly passionate about Nigeria's development.  In my mind's eyes I could see myself arranging these opportunities.  I had been doing this on a small, informal scale for several years.  But now was my first formal opportunity to do a sizeable project for this aim.

Bridging two cultures - Avon hosted us and took the time to make these amazing centerpieces. I was so happy!

For three weeks I worked furiously to make connections.  My goal was to provide each woman with an experience that would open her eyes to new possibilities and ideas that she could take back to Nigeria and harness for greater success. 

Hour after hour, email after email, a plan took shape.  I found that my American colleagues were eager to have interactions with their Nigerian counterparts.  At last, an all day Mentoring Match-up schedule materialized.  I honestly could not stop smiling as I worked on the project.

February 29th was the big day in New York City.  There were meetings set up with big companies like Avon  and Eileen Fisher as well as younger companies like Snowden Capital.  I had the opportunity to stop by each and every meeting and experience the exchange of information and kindness.  It was delightful to see the spark in the eyes of the women as the day unfolded. 

Group of BPW women visiting Avon Executives

BPW Women at Eileen Fisher learning about fashion design

Snowden Capital hosted a group and shared expertise about Financial Investments

By connecting others to their dreams, I was more fully realizing my own!  My network grew as I set up these meetings.  My understanding of how to plan these trips increased.  I came away with a whole new vision for how I would arrange this type of visit the next time around.  But most of all, my heart expanded so much I felt it was going to explode!  I was so full of joy that I even teared up. (Well, that is my very emotional side for those of you who don't know me well.)

I share all this just to say -- share your connections with others.  As you get to know other people, ask them about their vision.  Share your vision with them too.  As we each offer one another assistance in making our dreams become our realities, we all benefit.  We can all grow together.  There is plenty of success to go around.

I hope you feel inspired to make an impact this way in whatever small or big way is possible.  As we care and share, beautiful ripples of success come about for all of us.

Write down these powerful words of Helen Keller and meditate on them this week:

"I am only one but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.”

What small things will you do this week to help someone grow?  Remember, as you do, you are guaranteed growth as well.

With a smile of amazing joy!

Patricia Omoqui
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Got a Debilitating Mental Virus?

People have been asking me, "Where is the daily email you send out?" 

My reply, "I got a very ugly computer virus--yes, one that literally shut my computer down for days."  One moment I was working furiously on my book and then suddenly, messages popped up and alarms began to sound.  The screen went blank and everything appeared to be wiped off my computer.

This type of thing is a writer's worst nightmare.  Yes, I may haven even let out a scream!

I was FORCED to slow down, step back and take a break from my work.

Funny thing is that it all happened when I was being attacked by a "mental virus."  Some old fears were haunting me, ones I had thought I had overcome long ago.  I felt sick mentally and emotionally.  The repetitive thoughts of the worrisome future had shut my creativity down. 

"What is happening to me?" I thought.  "I teach people to overcome their fears and self-doubts and here I am struggling with this again!" 

First I sighed.  Then, I cried.  Then, I had to laugh. 

I clearly know that a fear is a thought of the future, one that predicts a bad outcome.  I also am aware that my thoughts need not control me or rob me of my peace today.  I have choice.  My mind is my tool.  I ALWAYS have choice which thoughts I focus upon.  I know how to shift my thinking back to what I want.  That is what I did.

So, after some time studying the fearful mental virus, I cleaned it out. 

I am re-botted and re-loaded.  I am back in the flow of inspiration and peace.  I am SO glad to feel well and be free inside.

I'm also happy to have my computer virus-free.  The book I am writing needs my care and attention!

If you find yourself feeling exhausted and worn-down because of a fear virus, it is okay.  Stop.  Write the fear down.  Examine it.  It is simply a thought about the future.  It is a thought about something you DO NOT want to happen.  Next to the fear write a new thought.  Your new thought can be a statement of what you DO want to happen. 

This little poem says it all:

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

Frank Herbert

If you get super-stuck and you can't clean the mental virus out, you can always drop me an email.

With a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Foundation for Success: Empowered Thinking!

Imagine being plagued by constant self-doubt and pain from your past.  A constant barrage of inner criticism to yourself is an exhausting state of mind, isn't it?  I would know.  I used to live that way.  My mind would literally "beat me up" from morning until night with criticism and judgment:  "You should be further a long in your career. . . you should be getting more done at home. . .you are not pretty enough or skinny enough. . . your friends have nicer homes than you, why can't you get further ahead and catch up to them?"

Wow.  Just reviewing the way I used to think makes me feel exhausted. 

I woke up to my thinking about 8 years ago.  I literally began to study my thoughts, examining them closely one-by-one.  I wrote them down.  I questioned them, "Why do I choose to dwell on this thought?  What is the impact of this thought patter in my life?  Who would I be if I changed my thinking?"

I gained an awareness that led me through a remarkable process of transformation:  I changed from the inside out.  As I started to change my thinking, I literally gained a new leash on life!  It was amazing.  My emotions went from sad and depressed to peaceful and excited.  I became free from fear and self-doubt.  I opened the door to my dreams and saw that I DID have the power to pursue what I really wanted in life.

Anyone can go through this type of change.  In the past few years I have coached hundreds of men and women through this same process.  It works.  It is simple.  It takes work, though--a personal commitment to become aware of your thoughts and then a determination to create new thinking habits. 

Shifting your thoughts is THE MOST WORTHWHILE way you could spend the first part of 2012.  Good thinking is the foundation to success and satisfaction.

Here are the keys areas you can focus on for the week ahead:


1. Observe your fears and worries – write these down on paper in detail so you can see them clearly.

2. Observe negative emotions that you feel throughout the day – what was the thought that preceded the way you felt? If you want to feel emotionally and physically better more of the time, you need to understand the thoughts that are causing you to feel bad emotionally.

3. Notice what percentage of time your thoughts are focused in the past, the present moment or the future. Most of us live the majority of our time in the past or the future. By observing the patterns you have, you can then learn how to focus more of your thoughts in the present moment. The present moment is the ONLY moment you can impact – the past was a present moment that already happened and the future is a present moment that is going to happen.

4. Observe your self-talk – what do you think and say about yourself? What aspects of yourself do you like? What aspects of yourself do you judge and criticize? By understanding self-doubt you can then identify key ways you might be limiting yourself in your life.

If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, don't worry.  Changing your thinking takes time.  It is a process that takes consistent, moment-by-moment awareness.  If you find yourself struggling, seek help.  Yes, you can drop me an email and I will respond if you do.

I know YOU HAVE MORE POWER than you yet realize.  I trust you are ready to tap into it :)

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

P.S. I still review my thoughts every day...and I still find opportunities to change my thinking! 

Empowered 2012 - Embrace Change

I'm starting the year and already, 2012 is full of changes for me.  I am packing boxes, moving locations.  There is a part of me that feels nervous but the greater part of me is EXCITED.  New times, fresh starts, original openings and amazing avenues--it is all right in front of me.

I smile as I write this.  I, as well as my fellow human beings, experience so many sensations and emotions when experiencing change.

I see clearly that I have choice!  The choice I have in every second of my life is my perspective.  Will I know that things will always work out for my best?  Or, will I be afraid?

Will I forge ahead with joy or will I be nervously hesitant?

Will I embrace the challenges and differences or will I be intimated?

Isn't it cool that I get to choose how I want to experience life?  I sure think so.  I love it.  I am empowered when I choose an empowered outlook.

So, this week I offer you a challenge.  Write down the many changes and uncertainties you are experiencing in your life right now.  Then, for each one, ask yourself the following questions (and write your answer down):  "What perspective will I choose as I face this?  What do I want to see happen?"

You have choice.  Choose the thoughts you bring to your life situation wisely.  If you do, you may just find that no matter the ups and downs, twists or turns, highs or lows, YOU CAN EXPERIENCE PEACE :)

Here are a few helpful quotes on change that I thought you'd enjoy:

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

“Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you… yet, someone survived…

You can do anything you choose to do.” –Maya Angelou

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” -C.S. Lewis

“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe

Riding the waves of change with you!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Less Stress This Holiday

So many of us are stressed even before the holidays arrive.  Then we add in expectations of relatives, more parties to already-busy schedules, extra financial burdens -- and what do we get?  MORE STRESSED OUT!

What if you could move through the last four weeks of the year with peace, joy and satisfaction?

What if you could do the holidays on your terms, letting go all pressures (outer and inner)?

I believe it is possible.  And, here are a few ideas to help you achieve well-being as you close 2011 and start a New Year!

1. Realize that stress is a gift. It shows you where your life is out of balance. Pay attention. Look closely at what is bothering you.

2.  Rather than letting your worries swirl endlessly inside you, write them down. Go down your list one item at a time. Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do today to change the situation?” If so, take a step of action. If not, release the challenges to God. This famous prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous is a powerful one to memorize and use regularly: “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; The Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

3. Do one moment at a time. What needs your focus RIGHT NOW? Do not let worries about something you have to face a few hours or a few weeks from now take your energy away from today. Remember, you have always found a way forward—and you always will. Pour your energy into the moment you are in.

4.  Commit yourself to finding the good. Stress is not caused by circumstances, but by our response to them. Allowing the negative to fill your mind will generate intense stress. Choosing to be hopeful, looking for a solution and taking one step at a time, will dissolve stress.


5.  Breathe, breathe and breathe some more. When under pressure, we tend to hold our breath and tense our bodies. Change your energy. Take a moment to sit quietly and breathe deeply. Breathe in peace. Let go worry. Close your eyes. Let the tension drain out of your body and into the ground beneath you. Consciously relax every muscle from the top of your head, through your neck and shoulders, your torso, your legs, even those little toes you have.

6.  Find a healthy outlet. Engage in creative activities that allow self-expression. Listen to music that soothes and uplifts you. Dance. Draw. Write in a journal. Take a walk. Play or watch your favorite sport.

7.  Seek help. We all find ourselves in difficult situations. It is a sign of strength and wisdom to ask for help when you need it. If you have stressed to the point you feel physically ill, seek medical attention. If you find yourself unable to shake off anxiety, depression or panic, seek out a trusted friend or counselor. Sometimes a listening ear is all we need to release the inner pressure.

You can do it -- pick 3 of these helpful tips and put them to practice regularly as you navigate the holidays.
 
You DESERVE to feel well!
Make this a priority.
 
With a holiday smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
 
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Back to the Basics - Two Helpful Daily Practices

Life can become incredibly intense and feel challenging.  As I experience these times in my own life, it brings me back to the basics.  I have been reminded the past few weeks that I only have to live ONE MOMENT at a time.  That's it.  If I can focus my energy in the NOW, then I can do what is needed for my life.

Two helpful practices that I've been using are gratitude and mindfulness.  I thought I'd share a few thoughts on each practice with you. 

Gratitude

Start and end the day by giving thanks. Focusing your heart and mind on gratitude will help you set an optimistic tone for your day. Before rising from bed, think of five things in your life right now for which you are thankful. From a friend to a bed to a beautiful sunrise to a pair of shoes – begin to notice each simple gift of sustenance and comfort that is so much a part of your life that you can hardly see it.




If you find yourself losing perspective midway through the day, stop and find something to be grateful for—like a pleasant greeting from a stranger or a call from a friend. Gratitude can raise your spirits and boost your energy.



Keep a small notebook and pen by your bed (you could even carry it with you during the day) to record your gratitude list. As you close your day, write down five things from the day for which you are grateful.

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."

 ~Meister Eckhart

Mindfulness
Live life with mindfulness. We tend to live on auto-pilot moving from one activity to the next with very little thought. Using mindfulness is a powerful practice to bring our attention to the present moment. Each day choose one specific activity and give it your full attention. It can be drinking a glass of water, walking up a set of stairs, washing your hands, looking into your child’s or spouse’s eyes.



Engage as many of your sense as possible. For example, look closely at the piece of plantain you are about to eat. Notice its shape and color. Smell it before you put it into your mouth. Slowly enjoy chewing it – feeling the texture on your tongue, tasting the sweetness or saltiness. Listen quietly as you chew – be aware of your muscles and teeth.



By giving yourself totally to one such activity each day you will begin to view seemingly small every-day happenings in new ways. Soon you will be finding pleasure in things you didn’t even notice. Slow down and enjoy each moment of your life.

Hence, there is a time to go ahead and a time to stay behind.

There is a time to breathe easy and a time to breathe hard.

There is a time to be vigorous and a time to be gentle.

There is a time to gather and a time to release.

Can you see things as they are

And let them be all on their own?

~ Lao-tzu

Enjoy the week ahead!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/