Teenage Confessions -- Ok, I Admit It, I've Made My Fair Share of Mistakes!

You'd never believe it if I told you. . .

When I was thirteen years old, living in the suburbs of Chicago. . .wow, not sure if I should really tell you this. . .

I was young, curious.  I wanted to try new things.  I want to fit in and be cool so I . . .

Hmm, well, my best friend at the time Carolyn (*name changed to protect identity) had a neighbor friend named Julie.  She was in high school.  We thought she was amazing.  She was a rule-breaker.  She was quite different than the follow-the-rules-Christian-school-girls that we were.  We were fascinated and drawn in.

She introduced us to many things.  Yes, cigarettes were included.  So, Carolyn and I bought a pack for ourselves.  We would sit in her room with window cracked open during the middle of winter and smoke a few.  We also took long walks around the block showing off with a cigarette in our hands and circular puffs of smoke coming from our lips.

Yes, we were in the "in" crowd.  One thing led to another.  We wondered how Julie got such nice clothes, bags and jewelry.  So, she showed us how she went about it. 

First she taught Carolyn.  On a trip to the mall, Julie demonstrated how to take the security tags off of a handbag and then fill it with all the things she wanted to return home with (of course, without paying for a dime of it).

Then, Carolyn showed me the ropes.  So, for months, either Carolyn's parents or mine would drop the two of us besties at the mall to "shop."  Little did our parents know what we were up to.  Each time I returned from the mall, I'd hide the goods in the back of my closet.

Summertime arrived.  And, like every year, I went away to the sleep-over camp sponsored by our Christian youth group.  Each camp day we had a chapel session where a speaker shared ideas from God's word.  Oh, did I feel guilty inside.  I was miserable.  I was unhappy and scared.  I knew what I had been doing was not right.  So, finally, one day, I knew I needed to go forward after the service to ask for prayer and counseling.

I went home feeling a burden had been lifted.

Little did I know that while I was away, my mom decided to clean out my room.  Yes, and she even decided to tidy up my closet.  She was shocked by what she found --makeup, earings, necklaces, purses. . . loads of goods that I had accumulated stealing from area stores.  She immediately called Carolyn's parents.  Carolyn had not gone to camp.  So her parents sat her down and the truth came out.

I arrived home from camp.  From the look on my parent's faces I knew something was wrong.  I got home and they sat me down to talk.  They brought out the piles and piles of stolen goods and asked me what had been going on.  I confessed. They made me go and confess my wrongs to my younger brother to further humble me. 

My parents were too smart. They then made me go back to the stores and give back all the things I had taken.  Talk about having a heart that was going to pound out of my chest.  The stores couldn't prosecute me because I was so young.  So they gave me a stern talking too and told me never to enter their store again.

Why do I bother to confess all this to you?  I decided to air my dirty laundry to let you know that none of us are perfect.  We all have mistakes from our past (and even from our present).  The most important thing is to LEARN and GROW from each and every experience.  Clearly, these teenage issues are long gone, but the lessons I gained from the situation have stayed with me for life.  The errors of my ways have allowed me to relate to young people who are trying so hard to fit in and be cool.

As you enter 2013, why not come to terms with your "mistakes and failures"?  Why not glean the harvest of wisdom these situations offer you?  It's time to own your past and march even stronger and wiser into 2013.

I despise the smell and taste of cigarettes now.  Because of those early mistakes I stayed away from drugs and alcohol as a teenager and young adult.  I was focused and had to take ownership of my actions.  These early mistakes paved the way for the focus and determination I brought to the basketball court as I finished high school.  Nothing would distract me.

Everything we experience is tremendously value IF we learn from it.

So, today, I celebrate your "mistakes" with you because each one is helping to grow you into your potential if you choose to gleen the lessons from it.

Happy New Year,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Own Your Brilliance -- Yes, Shine Bright Like a Diamond!

Just got off the phone with a dear friend.  She and I seem to be learning similar lessons in different forms.  Being a person with an open heart that is full of goodness is a beautiful thing--except, when you share your goodness with those who do not value it.  Some people like to use and abuse what is offered to them.  They are there to leech, to suck you dry and take.  Thus... 

For those of us who have pure intentions and give freely to others, we often have to learn the essential lesson called:

 Discernment. 

Giving to others is a wonderful experience.  Knowing you are in the flow of goodness and that this flow is never-ending and miraculous is incredible.  However, it is important to distinguish who will value this gift and who may trample on it or not even care about what you are offering.  We can learn to be discerning and notice the energy of others.  Then, we can use our gifts with a laser focus to effect tremendous, positive change in our World.

Each of us is created with tremendous brilliance within.  We are each intriniscally valuable and amazing--gifted in ways we haven't yet begun to comprehend.  As we enter 2013, it is essential we begin to wake up to this beauty and sparkle within.  And, we must also learn to value ourselves enough and be discerning enough that we share our gifts with those who are truly open to it.

So, friends, as Rihanna sings it so well, "We are beautiful like diamonds in the sky...Shine bright like a diamond...Shine bright like a daimond...We are beautiful like diamonds in the skye..."

Shine today. Use your gifts wisely.  Open your eyes and ears and be aware.  Choose well when and where you offer the diamond within  you.

Be brilliant as you enter 2013!


With a smile,

Patricia

Shine...TODAY...Shine Bright...NOW is YOUR Time

As I have meditated upon the passing of some very dear friends this past week, I have come to a great deal of personal clarity:  Very little matters...it is only love that matters...today is my day to live with total purpose and passion...today is the day I have to love others with my full attention and focus.

The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary brought that truth even deeper into my heart on Friday.  When I heard the news, more tears streamed down my face.  I could not fathom the deep pain of losing a child.  I have two precious girls of my own and I appreciate them today more than I ever have before.

Life is brief, so very brief, and we do not know what amount of time we will be allotted for our journey.

So, this week, I challenge you to relinquish your fear and nagging self-doubt.  As you close 2012, I encourage you to step more fully into your personal power.   Open to your dreams.  Take your next steps forward to actualize them.  Know that you are full of light and love.  You are a person of amazing value.  Shine that beautiful light you have...Shine...TODAY...Shine Bright...NOW is YOUR Time.

With a simple smile and a hug sent your way,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Another Loss -- Dear Taiwo Bankole, You Inspired Me

Honestly.  I just am in shock.  Sad.  Cried much of today.  I woke up to a BB message from a friend:

"When was the last time you heard from Taiwo?  Is it true?" 

I replied, "Is what true?"

"I'm told he died in a car accident.  I'm trying to reach him.  I don't believe this news.  I won't believe this news," she said.

News confirmed.  Taiwo passed away after being in an accident last night on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway.

WHAT!?!

Taiwo was so happy a few months ago, "Ma, guess what?  They granted me my visa to come to the USA.  I will be visiting you soon."  I smiled.  What an accomplishment.  I was just so delighted for him.

His classic, bright Taiwo Smile...

I met Taiwo several years ago.  As a writer for Vanguard Newspaper's Allure Magazine, I was always searching for ways to showcase positive young people--those who were doing great things to move the nation forward.  And, Taiwo Ogunyemi Bankole was one of those I featured early in my writing (I have pasted the article below).

On one of my next trips to Nigeria he came to visit me in Lagos.  Anytime I would come to Nigeria to speak, Taiwo was sure to visit.  Thus, our close mentor-mentee relationship began to grow. 

Taiwo offered me his heart in the form of the amazing dreams he shared with me.  He was a young man with major vision.  He knew there was a way to touch the lives of young people.  He took action.  He set up summer technology camps in Warri.  He loved Warri and he wanted to see change.  So, he organized the Warri Makeover.  That Taiwo, I was always sure he was up to something positive.

Last year in December he rushed to meet me at the Lagos airport just before I flew to Port Harcourt to speak.  We spent only five minutes together in the airport.  But, each interaction allowed our connection, friendship and trust to deepen.

So, when news came that he got his visa, it was certain he would come and stay with my family in Philadelphia.  He found his way to meet up with me at a Chinese restaurant in Philadelphia.  We ate a good meal, drank tea and then faced the rain and headed to my house.  He was in awe of everything.  The USA had sparked something even grander in Taiwo.  He had started to open to a whole new set of possibilities in his visit.

My Daughters With Taiwo in October, being silly and having fun.  He sure was good at that!

As he left, he was already talking about his next visit.  He was to come visit again in January.  We had just talked at length about his plans. . .we were both excited as we considered the possibilities of how to position him for more growth opportunities.

Then today.  The news came.  He had gone to be with God.  Taiwo is in God's loving arms.  I know he is at peace.  I already miss his smile more than I ever imagined I would. 

Taiwo touched many lives in his short time on Earth.  He was a born leader.  He bubbled positivity.  He had optimism.  He knew he was destined for great things.  He was a determined, dedicated Christian.  He loved his family. 

My prayer is that Taiwo's short life will always be a reminder to me and to those who knew him: 

LIVE YOUR PASSION.  Do things to bring about positive change.  Touch people with your smile and spirit.  Be a leader.  Have no fear. 

Pursue your dreams full throttle and the doors will open for you. 

Only this time, for some reason, God decided to open the doors of heaven to Taiwo. 

I celebrate your life, Taiwo!   I already miss you. 

Love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.


I am copying the original article I wrote on Taiwo for those who care to read it....

The Power of One Who Volunteers


Across the board, the United Nations, National Governments, NGO’s and Non-profit organizations are realizing the essential role that volunteers play in moving communities and nations forward in their development. Consider the words of Kofi Annan, “If our hopes of building a better and safe world are to become more than wishful thinking, we will need the engagement of volunteers more than ever.”

The need for volunteers is urgent. A spirit of selfless service is crucial now to help Nigeria develop and succeed.

What is a volunteer? A volunteer is a person who works without payment for time and services on behalf of others or on a particular cause to promote good. The great news is that ANYONE—yes, anyone willing to offer service—can be a volunteer. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it clearly: “Everyone can be great because anyone can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't even have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. . .You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love . . . .”

Every day we hear plenty of people talk about the need for positive change. We talk about it ourselves. We may have grand visions, yet few step forward to make them a reality.

Meet Ogunyemi Bankole Taiwo. He was born on May 1, 1985, and grew up in Oshodi, Lagos. He studied Chemical and Polymer engineering at Lagos State University. In 2008, his Industrial attachment at the NNPC took Taiwo to Warri. His stay there was life changing. It sparked in him a dream for changing the image of Warri.



In a recent interview, Taiwo told me, “That was when it all started. . . Most people who have heard about Warri view it as one of the most difficult and unsafe regions in the World—known for militancy, kidnapping and gruesome crises. The young people are most especially affected by this image. Hence, when it comes to job interviews and visa applications by indigenes of this region, applicants get disenfranchised and marginalized for fear that they might become rebels. So we came up with a brainstorming session on how we could rebrand the local and international image of Warri. The Warri Makeover was designed and packaged to help rebrand the image of the Warri youths.”

That dream grew. It led to an intense eight months of planning and preparation. It culminated in the Warri Makeover Event held March 25 and 26, 2011.

With great focus, passion and determination, Taiwo and his team of volunteers overcame many obstacles and held a successful event. For his work on the Warri Makeover event, Ogunyemi Bankole Taiwo received Samsung’s Real Dreams Project Award for “The Best Use of Advocacy by Afterschool Development Center.”

Because Taiwo’s story inspired me, I share it with you. My hope is that together we can open our hearts and minds to new possibilities. We can begin to initiate powerful, meaningful transformation in our own communities.



What did it take to put this event together?

Well, it took a large amount of doggedness and passion. It took us our time, money, family, relationships and life being at risk. The first thing we did as an organization was to relay the vision to the local government chairman, Hon. Mofe Edema, who applauded us for coming up with this laudable project. Immediately he pledged his support by endorsing the event. During one of our meetings we initially mapped out during one of our meetings what WARRI MAKEOVER was going to be about: peace keeping and conflict resolution, planting of eco-friendly trees to combat the climate change and painting of public schools to help change the societal look and build a good and beautiful image in the hearts of students. We strategized on what the event would look like, who we would get involved, how many faculties would speak. . .and most importantly, how to raise funds.

Immediately, we started publicizing the event via the social network. We called friends and families to assist us. We visited media houses, wrote letters of invitation to speakers, travelled back and forth to Lagos to source for paint manufacturing firms and request for paint donations.

The Local Government Chairman helped us to Highmark the schools to be painted among the three ethno-geographical districts. . . We knocked on all doors knock-able for fund raising. None opened up, even up to the state level.

What role did volunteers play in this event?

Without the volunteers, much would not have been done. They helped plan the event. They helped with financial resources. They provided their cars for movement around Warri. . They travelled for fund-raising. They had platforms to speak at the school assembly. They helped in publicizing the event and taking care of the management of the online social networks of the event. The volunteers were accessible and also passionate about the vision without being paid a dime.

From your perspective what made the Warri Makeover a great success? What were you able to achieve.

We were able to demonstrate that young people can be synergized in a process to help rebuild the community by doing a social project for free, not like the NYSC where they expect a certificate. We were able to help shape the vision these young students have about beautification and global development via the painting. We were able to reach a communiqué agreement. We were able to help rebrand the image of Warri such that people can see that a new Warri is emerging.

We introduced initiatives and plans like MADE IN WARRI, FORUSBYUS, WAFFY247 (AN USHAIDI KIND OF MOBILE APPLICATION PLATFORM FOCUSED ON KIDNAPPING AND CRISES NEWS which was unveiled during the event).

The event gave us a platform to help re-create our environment and make it sustainable with the planting of trees. We have accomplished the re-birth of a new set of young people passionate about social change. Our goal is that in the next two years, Warri will become a most sought after region globally.

Why do you think people should become volunteers?

People should volunteer because it gives them leverage. I have always volunteered all my life, from the Boys Brigade to becoming a school volunteer at Jets clubs, to becoming a volunteer and a youth leader in school. I volunteered to be in charge of the IT management during one of the trainings I attended at the Afterschool Graduate Development Centre. I became the first trainee by the same firm to be given an internship position. This allowed me to attend conferences. This placed me at the cutting edge to meet great speakers. I built networks with sought after individuals.

Really, I would not be where I am today if not for God via volunteering. Like I tell people, if you need a job in Shell, Chevron, Mobil, or Goldman Sachs, write to them. Tell them that you would like to volunteer without pay to gain work experience. Tell them that if they don’t find you competent enough, they can reject you after one week. Nobody rejects such passion. You may find your way into becoming the MD of a firm one day. Volunteering is a key to social development. Knowing this has made me open a Facebook page tagged “Who Wants To Be a Volunteer?” which currently has more than 80 members.

What place does volunteering have in Nigeria?

Yes. Volunteers can help develop Nigeria. I think Nigerian youths should start looking in this direction to make things happen in their lives. We don’t have to wait for the government to fix things. We can definitely fix things ourselves.

If you have questions about volunteering, consider reaching out to Taiwo on Facebook or create your own path. The fields for volunteering are ripe for harvest. Find one and get to work.

Food For Thought

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

Edmund Everett Hale

©Patricia G. Omoqui, 2011

He Just Turned 40 and is Gone!: Life Goes Fast & Is Fragile!

I have much to reflect on.  It has been a weekend of up and down emotions.  Let me explain.

On a high note, my oldest daughter, Margaret (yes, she has decided she is no longer going to be called Maggie now that she has "grown up"), had her ten year birthday party.  The event was lively with loads of screaming kids playing and splashing in the pool.  Santa even made a guest appearance! 

As I reflect on Margaret's ten years I am in awe that a decade actually seems like a blink of an eye to me. 

How does time go so incredibly fast?  I realize more than ever that I need to savor, cherish, relish in every moment I have with my daughter.  The years we have together before she leaves the nest are less than the years she has already been with me! 

The night before, a friend called me.  She was stunned.  She had gone out with a friend for a meal.  Her friend had just bought a brand new BMW months earlier and the two of them were driving home together. 

They noticed a car coming at a fast speed toward them.  Thankfully the car hit the driver's side wheel (not the door).  The car was totalled instantly.  The two of them emerged from the crash without even a scratch. 

She felt terrible that her friend's car was wrecked.  But, her friend had such a great perspective: "Imagine if I would have had to call your husband to tell him you were hospitalized or even worse, that you had passed away. . . cars are replaceable...be grateful for full health and life."

Tonight I was informed that another friend we had just run into a few days ago passed away unexpectedly.  He had just turned forty years old a few months ago.

Life has many unexpected twists and turns.  You simply do not know what lies ahead.  So, leave the fears aside.  Live fully for today.  Yes, bring your all--your body, mind and spirit--fully into this moment.  Bring your love, your enthusiasm, your passion to the tasks before you.  Share your total presence and attention with those you encounter.  Make your impact.  Be determined to live the full expression of who you are created to be.

Now is the only moment you have.  My ten year old seems to know that as do all her happy, frolicking friends.  They are joyful, full of energy and ready for life.  I aim to be more like them: carefree, joyful and willing to try new things!

Reflect on these simple, yet profound ideas:

"Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee." ~Montaigne

"The other day a man asked me what I thought was the best time of life. "Why," I answered without a thought, "now." ~David Grayson

"Transformation can only take place immediately; the revolution is now, not tomorrow."

 ~Jiddu Krishnamurti

"It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis."

 ~Margaret Bonnano

Go into this week with a spirit of adventure.  Cherish and celebrate your loved ones.  Make special memories.

With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Yes, I Was Given a MAJOR GIFT for Serving Someone! You Won't Believe This Story!

You will never believe what someone gave me simply because I was kind...wow...

But first, let me digress and share a quick story. . .my mom bought my children an interesting present.  They each recieved a package with a bulb, some soil and a pot.  So, we opened them up and followed the instructions:  wet the soil then put the bulb in and patiently wait to see what happens.

So, we waited and waited.  It seemed there was no progress for so many days.  We would wake up eagerly each morning and run to the living room to see if there was any growth.  For many weeks, there wasn't a sign of change.  Then suddenly, one morning, we noticed a green shoot emerging from one of the pots.  But the other pot showed no signs of emergence.

Plant # 1 grew steadily day by day. Plant #2, well, let's just say it kept disappointing us. 

Plant # 1 got taller and stronger.  It was growing by leaps and bounds.  Then, suddenly a tiny bud appeared.

Plant # 2 brought a tiny green shoot.  But, it seemed to stagnate and not get any higher.

Plant # 1 then brought forth a nice flower.  We all celebrated the blossom. 

I questioned whether Plant # 2 would ever grow. 

Then, one day, we woke up and found Plant # 2 had suddenly shot up.  We were all amazed as we had given up on seeing progress.

As Plant #1 finished blooming, Plant #2 grew taller and taller.  In fact, it grew to twice the size of Plant #1. 

Why do I share this growth story?  I do so to encourage you.  Every seed (every person) grows at a different rate and time.  Don't give up on yourself or someone else if you don't see the progress you desire.  No, be patient and BELIEVE.  The plant will grow and the flower will appear in due time.

Now, on to the amazing reward I received!

We have an elderly neighbor.  We will call him Mr. Mike for short.  About a year ago, he fell and broke his hip.  The injury seemed to have aged him five years in a few months time.  But, he has been determined to stay on his feet and stay strong.

One day I saw Mr. Mike.  I asked him how he was doing.  "I'm disgusted," he said.

"Why is that?" I asked with compassion.

"I ran out of white bread and tuna and I have no way to get it."

"Mike, that's not a problem--I'd be happy to run to the store and get it for you tonight."

"You would do that for me?" he said with surprise.

"Yes, I'd be happy to do so.  Please let me know anytime you need something," I assured him.

A few weeks later I saw Mr. Mike and he asked, "Could you get me some medicine?" 

"Sure, I will do so later today," I told him.

I went to deliver his medicine.  Mr. Mike invited me into his place.  It was amazing to see all the artwork.  In his prime, Mr. Mike had been a dedicated painter.  He had paintings from various times in his life and places around the world he had visited. 

I oohed and aaahed as I looked at each one.  Then, I handed Mr. Mike his medicine.

He said, "Wait.  I have something for you!"  Then, he went to the corner of the room and pulled out this vibrantly blue painting. 

"Wow, this is for me?" I inquired.

"Yes, this is a painting of the Rockefeller Mansion.  You deserve a place like this," he said with a smile.

(here is a picture of the mansion so you can visualize it)

Wow.  How symbolic it all is.  Service is my mainstay.  I realized that night that the more I give out, the more joy and bounty I receive.  There is a universal law that ensures that those who give with love never lack.  And, I can see clearly how that has been the case in my life for so many years.

I have the painting hanging by my bedside as a reminder of the blessings I experience as I share simple acts of kindness with the people I encounter.

So, serve this week.  Share your love and kindness and joy.  Lift someone up by offering a smile or lending a hand with a difficult task.

You just never know what good might emerge into your life as you do so.

With a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Take Perspective -- Give THANKS! (Yes, Why Not Do So at the TOP of Your Lungs!)

On Friday I sat with the other parents as we waited for our children in gymnastics class.  Yes, Skye and Maggie have a new passion:  cartwheels! 

I sat near a woman.  We began chatting.  She opened up and shared that she had lost a child several years back, an event devastating to her life.  Then, several years later, while grocery shopping, she had a terrible fall and was hurt so badly that she now has to walk with a cane.  She endures daily pain in her body.  And, to top it off, she had cancer last year.  Yet, she was incredibly positive and optimistic--she had decided to find good in every aspect of her life. 

As I sat listening, I took perspective.  Yes, each of us has our own set of challenges.  And, I have had my share the past year.  But, I realized quickly how grateful I am.  To wake up each morning pain free and be able to walk briskly is a blessing!  To have a healthy body is a gift from God.  To have my two children laughing and enjoying life, growing before my very eyes, is amazing.  To be surrounded by friends and families who care deeply about me is something to celebrate. 

I GIVE THANKS.  I GIVE THANKS. 

 I JUST GIVE THANKS.

I GIVE THANKS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS.

I GIVE THANKS.

Albert Einstein had it right when he said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” With that perspective, I recommend we each take a look around our lives: 

What miracles have you been ignoring? 

What marvels have you gotten so used to that you take for granted?

Why not this week look at your life with fresh eyes?  Seek to remember and appreciate the teeniest blessings to the gigantic ones.

And, meditate on these beautiful words:

 “We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”

Cynthia Ozick

“Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted–a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.”

Rabbi Harold Kushner

“We can be thankful to a friend for a few acres or a little money; and yet for the freedom and command of the whole earth, and for the great benefits of our being, our life, health, and reason, we look upon ourselves as under no obligation.”

Marcus Annaeus Seneca

“Thou that has given so much to me,

Give one thing more–a grateful heart;

Not thankful when it pleaseth me,

As if thy blessings had spare days;

But such a heart, whose pulse may be

Thy praise.”

– George Herbert

Then, do as Meister Eckhart recommended,  “If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.”


I GIVE THANKS!

And, I send you thanks for taking the time to read my blog on a regular basis.  This week we will hit 25,000 views!  It feels amazing to live my purpose and share these heartfelt thoughts with each one of you.

Feel free to share this blog.

With a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com


Be Thankful




Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?



Be thankful when you don’t know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.



Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.



Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.



Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.



Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.



Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

Because it means you’ve made a difference.



It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.



GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.



Author Unknown







On Turning 65 . . .So Old, So Fast! Yes, Another Birthday. . .

This past week while on Facebook, a gentleman began to chat with me.  We exchanged the normal greetings.  Then, he brought a curious question, "How old are you?" 

I responded, "An African woman doesn't tell her age."  (For those of you who don't know, I have been married to a Nigerian man for eleven years. I have learned this response from some of my Nigerian friends.)

He persisted, "Tell me your age."

I chuckled to myself wondering why he needed or even wanted to know my age.

I replied, "Since this seems so important to you, perhaps you should take a guess."

A few minutes later a message came, "I think you are 65."

I sat astounded.  I have never had someone tell me they think I am that old.  I asked, "Did you take a look at my picture?"

He said, "Yes, you look 65 in it."

(for your reference, here is the picture

I examined my picture closely.  I don't have many wrinkles, nor do I have grey hair.  But I became curious.  I realized he was entitled to his own perspective.  Through his lenses, I must have seemed like an older woman.

I found it fascinating.  Especially with my birthday coming up.  Age is just a number.  Most importantly, is how do I feel inside myself--am I at peace, satisfied, filled with joy, living purposefully?  That is my aim no matter how young or old I appear to others.

I let the man know, "Well, I am actually about half the age of what you suggested."  I could tell he was uncomfortable.  He tried to get beyond the topic saying, "Could we please talk about something else?"

Ha ha ha ha.  He he he he.  The whole situation struck me as quite hilarious.  It still does tonight as I write.

This past year of my life has been full of profound learning and deep personal change.  I thought I might take a few minutes and list out some of the key lessons I gained.

1.  When you think you have hit an end, it is really just a new beginning.  I faced some of the most difficult personal circumstances one can imagine mid-way through the year.  I admit it--there were moments of such darkness that I felt shaken.  I wondered how I would go on and how a solution could emerge.  Yet, day after day, light and hope would show up.  It came in so many forms.  I closed one door and another bigger, more amazing door opened. 

2.  Letting go of the old is essential for what you really want to show up.  It is easy to cling to what we currently have thinking that nothing more will show up.  Or, that we will end up with something worse than we already have.  Experiences taught me that it was necessary to let go what no longer fit me, what I had outgrown.  I had to let go of the one trapeze so that I could fully embrace the next one coming toward me.  That moment "in between" trapeze swings can feel exhilarating.  And, the more I faced my fears head on, the more exciting the changes became.

I am going to finish this post later...it seems our power is going out for Hurricane Sandy any moment.

Tomorrow morning as I wake, I won't be 65.  I will actually be............................................................................................................Another year old than I am right now.  And, that feels really wonderful.  I am deeper, stronger, more courageous and joyful than I have ever been in my life.  There is much to come in this new year.  So I celebrate wholeheartedly.


With a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com

Ask, Wait, Receive the Messages - A Powerful Process You Can Start Using Now!

Last week I had something amazing happen.




On Wednesday, I was dealing all day with a challenge. It was intensely emotional. After many phone calls and emails, I was simply unsure of how to handle the situation. I was trying my best yet feeling as if I was not doing enough to find a solution.



On my way home from Philadelphia, I said a prayer, "Please give me a message. What do I need to know about this situation? What more can I do?"



Literally no more than a minute after uttering that cry for help, a bus drove by. The advertisement on the side of the bus said in big, bold letters: "You are doing all you can--and more!"



I was shocked by the message, and comforted.



Then, a minute later another bus drove by me. The advertisement on the side of this one said: "Being Tested Makes You Stronger."



I smile. A few tears rolled down my cheek. I got the very direct and clear messages needed.



The past week as I continued to face the situation, the messages have echoed through my heart and mind bringing a smile to my face in the midst of the intense challenge.



I am always pleasantly surprised by how clear the messages and signs are when we ask to be shown what we need.



This week I suggest you try this simple process:



1. Either speak aloud or write down the questions burning in your mind.



2. Ask for a message, a clear sign and indication to answer your question.



3. Relax and wait. Keep eyes, ears and heart wide open as you go throughout your days. Notice the signs and signals.



4. Record the questions and the answers you receive in a journal. Over time you will be amazed at how clearly you are guided when you seek God's help.



I'd love to hear from you as you experiment with this process--or, if you already use this method and get results,



Have a message filled week!



Patricia omoqui, The Thought Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Resist or Receive? You May Be Making Life Harder than It Needs To Be!

“You can’t help people that don’t want to be helped.” 

 John Armstrong

Last night I sat at the dining room table doing homework with my children. One of them was working on a math assignment. I observed her as she worked. She was making errors as she did some of the problems. I offered to help her so she could get the correct answers.

She became visibly upset. “I know how to do this, Mom,” she said. “The teacher told me to do it THIS way!” She was adamant that she had it right and was totally unwilling to receive my help.

I remained patient.  I made my suggestions then backed off.  Initially, she refused to do what I recommended.  After about fifteen minutes, I noticed she had gone back and changed the answers with what I had offered her.

This morning as I woke I was reflecting on the situation. I asked myself, “Am I ever like that?” I expected my answer to be a clear, “No!” But, I chuckled. I have to admit that I am guilty of doing the same thing.

In fact, the day before I had been struggling with a work situation. I could see that I was being offered a Divine solution to the challenge. There was a clear, simple way forward. But, I was stuck in my thinking. I wanted to use an old mindset to judge myself, thereby making the situation feel harder than it needed to be.

All too often the answers, the help, the solutions we need are offered to us. But, we have already decided we will figure it out on our own and do it the way WE feel is best. We may even throw a tantrum or get emotionally upset when someone tries to offer us an alternate approach.

I challenge you this week to notice if there are situations in your life where you are resisting help rather than receiving it with gratitude.  

Consider these questions:  Is your ego getting in the way? Are you being stubborn and refusing help? Are you open to making life easier than it currently is? Or, are you determined to do it your way even if it means your way is the harder way?

Observe. Don’t judge. Become aware. New possibilities exist if we are willing to open our eyes and ears to notice.

Be willing to ask for and receive help. In fact, be willing to receive as much help as possible. In the words of Jim Rohn, American speaker and author, “Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don’t go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won’t laugh at you.” After experiencing the stress with my daughter yesterday, I have decided to get out my bucket and receive as much help as possible so that my life will get better and easier.

With a smile,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Dealing with a Long Commute? 8 Positive Ways to Use Your Time

Oh, the dreaded long commute!  Sitting in traffic or having a long train / bus trip can feel like a drag and drain one's energy. . . or, it can be a fantastic time to uplift and rejuvenate yourself if you use it wisely.

Here are eight positive ways to use your commuting time:

1. Breathe.  Yes, breathe deeply.  Take a deep breath in for five seconds.  Hold it in for five and then release the air slowly for five seconds.  Do it several times as you calm yourself down and infuse your body with needed refreshment. 

2. Pray.  The extra moments of a morning commute provide you a few minutes to whisper a prayer.  Give thanks for blessings.  Spill your heart and hand over those burdens and worries to the caring hands of God. 

3.  Learn.  If someone else is driving, you can read a book.  If you are the one behind the wheel, listen to one on CD.  Delve into topics you have always wanted to explore.  A chapter a day will keep the boredom away and stimulate new growth.

4.  Prioritize.  Make your daily to-do list.  Use your audio recording function or your notes function on your phone.  Write down the key things you need to accomplish. Then put them in order of importance.  This simple gameplan will allow you to maximize your working time.

5. Sing.  Uplift your spirit with inspirational music.  Get your head bobbing and your heart pumping with a great song.

6.  Ponder.  Choose a wise saying or a scripture to meditate on.  Memorize it by reading it or saying it over and over.  Then consider ways you may begin to apply the idea to your daily life.

7.  Engage.  Use all your senses to take in the gorgeous scenery and intricate noises.  Enjoy and cherish the magic of nature.

8.  Dream.  Consider the question, "If I could create anything in my life, what would would I want?"  Imagine in detail what the new things coming into your life will look like.  Have fun opening your mind and heart to exciting possibilities.

Cherish the moments, yes, even those when you have to commute!

Hope these ideas work for you.  Share what works for you in the comments below!

Savor life!

With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Get Honest--Yes, Get REALLY Honest

Honesty is the Best Policy. . .


I marvel at the honesty and fearlessness of my growing girls. They don’t hesitate to say what is on their mind. At three years of age, my daughter Skye, met her pre-school teacher for the first time. The teacher was wearing a pair of open-toed sandals. Skye kept looking at her teacher’s toes and finally whispered to me, “Mommy, what’s wrong with her toes?”

I looked down and saw the teacher’s toes were pressed together and crossed in a very unusual way. Was it a genetic condition or arthritis? I didn’t know. But of course, Skye said it all loud enough so the teacher heard her. The teacher was gracious and laughed. It was a funny moment and I found the candor and honesty on both sides refreshing.

I have a life coaching client who suffered a stroke several years ago. After her stroke she couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk well and didn’t look normal. She told me that people would just stare at her, obviously questioning in their mind what had happened to her. Yet, no one would ask about her physical challenges.

She wished that they would ask the questions rather than just stare.

She was willing to share her story with them, and it would have allowed for a personal connection rather than an awkward moment.

We have learned not to say what we mean or mean what we say. In fact, our communication with others is often so vague or convoluted that people don’t really understand our point of view. When we represent ourselves we tend to adjust the truth, misrepresenting our possessions, our achievements, and our relationships.

The ironic aspect of this is that in the last analysis, the only person we are really deceiving is ourselves.

If you pay close attention when someone is telling you something, you can tell whether it is coming from the energy of truth or the energy of dishonesty. Body language, eye movements and tone of voice will give people away. So does time. Remember that when you stretch truth, it can snap back with a sting.

We often tell so many small lies that we can’t even remember who we’ve told what, how we’ve presented ourselves to certain people…and inevitably, we get found out in the end. In fact, I have met several people in recent years who have told very large fibs in an attempt to make themselves look good. Months later, they didn’t even remember what they had told me because it wasn’t really true. Liars get found out eventually.  

I'd like us all to take some time this week to observe closely our level of honesty. Take time to notice the following:


1.  Notice how often you “adjust” the truth.  Do you tell white lies or half truths? Do you leave out important details when the other person needs to know the whole story? Do you stretch the truth to make yourself or situations you are experiencing seem bigger and better (or smaller and less significant) than they actually are?

2. Notice how you feel when someone is dishonest with you. Are you hurt, angry or disappointed? Would you rather have been told the truth? What happened in these relationships because of dishonesty?

3. Observe how you feel when someone is honest.  Do you begin judging them when they tell the truth about themselves and their life? Do you react in anger when someone expresses how they really feel about you or a situation involving you? Or, are you grateful when people speak with an open heart?

4. Pause often to give thought to the way being more honest with yourself and others might change your relationships and your life. Would you appreciate honesty from others? How would it feel to you to be more honest yourself? Would it be freeing to just be you all the time?

If you are stuck in a habit of dishonesty, it may be difficult to face some situations in which you have created misimpressions. An “unwinding” may occur as you begin to speak honestly with those you have shared mistruths in the past. Thinking of that transition may cause fear. Don’t worry about that.

All you must do this week is begin to look at your habits as they relate to honesty. Don’t judge what you observe. Just look honestly. Honesty begins within.


Have an honest week ahead!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

Parable of the Woman and the Gem

For anyone struggling with self-esteem or self-worth issues, you may be able to relate to this parable I penned a few years back....please comment and let me know what you think.

The Parable of the Woman and the Gem

There once was a lovely woman blessed with unique talents. To outside observers, she appeared to have it all. Yet this woman failed to see her own beauty. In fact, when she looked in the mirror, she told herself, “You are flawed and inadequate. Sure, there is some good in me and some positives in my life but….” These things were not her focus. Replaying memories stirred up hurt, shame and guilt that weighed her down with misery.


She would muster the courage to put on a pleasant smile. She did her best at work, at school, and at home with her family. Yet inside she struggled. She carried inner wounds. The tedium of daily life exhausted her. She wanted something different for herself. She yearned for something more.


One day she hit a point of inner suffering so profound that she could no longer bear her life as it was. Something had to change.


A Voice within whispered,

“There is more! Simply open to the possibility of change. Be willing.”

Echoes of this voice pervaded quiet moments. Sometimes she listened. Sometimes she turned her attention to other voices within and around her.

Yet in the silence of the night her heart embraced the message,

“Change is possible. There is another way to look at things, another way to live.”

The woman decided to open to this other way. She had no idea how change could occur, no time to figure it out, no energy left to focus on it. Her hours were consumed with family, bills and survival. She did not know how to change.



She did not need to.

Opening her mind unlocked a place in her heart that she had somehow overlooked. As she shined the light of her attention on this inner chamber she discovered a magnificent, precious stone. It was her birthright, the inestimable value bestowed on her by God. This rare gem was waiting to be noticed. She had failed to notice it in the intensity of her daily life. She had been searching outside herself for value and approval. She was concerned, “What did others think of me?” She looked to them for acceptance and appreciation.

“Oh!” gasped the woman glimpsing the dazzling gem, “my value, my beauty resides in my heart. It is not outside me. No, it is within me. It has always been in me!” Although the woman was ecstatic with her new understanding, she also felt angry: “How could I have missed this and suffered for so many years, searching and striving for something I already had?”

The woman’s anger grew as she re-hashed the past and pictured how different her life might have been had she known this truth years before. Gradually she began to release her regrets. She saw that holding them was only hurting her. She realized that she had done the best she could with the knowledge she had at the time. It was a miracle that she had found a new way to view herself. She came to see that every situation she had lived through had been necessary for this discovery. .

She sat quietly and felt growing delight. “At last I see my own value.”

What a relief! She no longer had to prove herself to others. She knew she was worthy.


This woman learned that as a living being, she IS beauty. She does not have to work at being beautiful. She realized she IS love. She does not have to strive to be loved. She realized she IS power. She does not have to use force to prove it. She IS worthy already. She simply needs to BE – to be herself. She could now relax into being the beautiful creation of God that she is.

New energy and joy flowed through her. She now had a new perspective on life.

She no longer needed to make a show of herself and her accomplishments. She could be whatever she wanted to be. She could relax. She could honor herself. She could choose ways to use her time and energy that made her feel good inside. She could choose to interact with those people who brought her joy.

She could be whatever she wanted to be.

She thanked God for this amazing insight that was transforming her life.



She smiles. She breathes. She laughs. She jokes. She relaxes. She chooses not to worry. She trusts herself. Others see the difference in her; it is remarkable. She stands tall. She carries herself with confidence. She exudes to others the love that shines from her heart. She inspires them now by what she does with her life.

Her outward circumstances did not change, her acceptance of them did. She approaches each day as a fresh start. No longer is she surviving, instead she relishes ordinary moments. Her life feels easier now. It takes far less effort. She sings as she attends to her family. She pays her bills with a grateful heart. She has tapped into the power of her Soul. She knows that by changing her thoughts, she has changed her inner world. Changes in her outer world are bound to follow.



Her life is a story of on-going transformation-- a journey that begins with self-acceptance and moves into deeper and deeper realization.



This is my story. I share it with you because these ideas have set me free. They have empowered me to be proud of who I am. No year of my life is wasted. No experience is without value. Each day I live on earth is worthwhile. Difficult circumstances urge me toward growth and the willingness to open more fully to my Self.



So, too, your life is unfolding in the way most appropriate for your soul’s growth. Begin to see it that way. Begin to invite a new perspective.


Breathe deeply today. Let out a sigh of relief. You are a gift to the world, a treasure. You are growing into the person you are destined to be. Reclaim your power. Emerge into your fullness. It is time to embrace life with gratitude. It is time to DREAM, to imagine, and to open to the beautiful possibilities Life wants to offer you.

Just open to change. Be willing. It’s that simple.

Your assignment this week is to take at least 5 minutes each day to sit in silence. As you sit quietly, visualize a brilliant gem, glowing in your heart. What color is it? Can you feel its energy? Notice how it sparkles with light from within itself. Experience the connection to that Light. Remember how valuable you are.

With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Eleven Insights from Eleven Years of Marriage!

(David and I August 2001 in Lansdale, PA after wedding ceremony)

(David and I in Aubja several weeks ago)

August 2012 is a landmark for me. I am celebrating! Eleven years ago, my husband David (Yes, he is Nigerian. And for those of you who are curious, he comes from Edo State.) and I had our church wedding. What a festive event it was! David’s parents travelled from Benin to Philadelphia to join us. Several siblings came from London. For the ceremony the bride and groom wore traditional American dress; for the reception we donned Naija attire. Our guests feasted on both American and Nigerian cuisine and we danced the night away.

More than a full decade of marriage has slipped by. Our marriage is by no means perfect, but then no marriage is. David and I have both grown tremendously. Mark Twain once said, “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” Perhaps in 2026 I will be qualified to write an essay on “perfect love.” Today, however, I humbly offer some insights I have gained so far.

1. Marriage is not a dream. Marriage is not THE ANSWER to life. Marriage is the experience of two people choosing to build a life together. It is neither easy nor magical. It is hard work. As Barbara De Angelis, expert on love and relationships puts it, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” When both spouses are committed and each puts forth consistent effort, the marriage relationship can be deeply satisfying.

2. Each spouse is responsible for his or her own happiness. It is not up to your spouse to “make you happy” or “fulfill you.” That is YOUR own responsibility. If you expect another person to “complete you,” the unrealistic expectation you create becomes a heavy burden. When both spouses take care of their own personal well-being, they have something wonderful to share with one another.

3. Allow your spouse to be who he or she is! George Levinger, Professor Emeritus of Psychology (University of Massachusetts), tells us, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” I have learned I cannot change my husband. He cannot change me. We must accept and appreciate our differences—personalities, cultures, viewpoints, strengths, fears and foibles. In fact, our differences are often factors that make us able to complement each other. In the words of famous movie character Rocky, “I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other’s gaps.” Each spouse is a work in progress. By growing as individuals, we have more to bring back to the partnership.

4. Facing challenges in life is not optional. Winston Churchill wisely said, “When you’re going through hell, keep going!” Couples have choices: “Will we use the difficulties to grow together or to drift apart? Will you become angry and play the blame game or will you unite as a team and find solutions.” According to American journalist Doug Larson, “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”

5. In marriage, both partners need space. Yes, there may be times when we grow tired of one another. “Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in shade” (Leo Buscaglia, relationship expert and author of Love). Short breaks are important so both spouses can refresh and renew themselves. Folk wisdom teaches us, “To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart, a finger’s breadth, for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.”

6. Weave individual visions into a shared vision for life. Build a life that will allow each spouse to find purpose and fulfillment. Then, work as a team so that each can gradually accomplish what he or she wants to achieve. Of course, there may be times when one needs to let the other make more progress. Honor one another; take turns. Affirm your dedication to your success as individuals and as a team.

7. Do unto your spouse as you would have him or her do unto you. Step into his shoes. Try to see life from her perspective. Let The Golden Rule be your guide: treat one another with respect, understanding and grace.


8. When all of life seems to be caving in, remember, you have love. Possessions and money can be replaced. After any tragedy, what matters most is that the people you love are still there. Focus on what you DO have and enjoy it. Celebrate the smallest of blessings even when life feels heavy. Let the wings of love carry you through life’s dark times.


9. Take time to share your feelings and express your desires. Your spouse cannot read your mind and you cannot read your spouse’s mind. Be honest. Listen to one another without defense. Regular communication will keep walls from being silently built between you.


10. Commit yourself each day to finding the good—in yourself and your spouse. What we focus on grows. If you want to feel disappointed and resentful, you will find plenty of things to judge. However if your goal is compassion and encouragement, you will discover kind things to say to your spouse and about your spouse. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person” (Mignon McLaughlin). Water the seeds of love by consistently seeking the best in your partner.

11.  Laugh, dance and lighten up.  When life seems overly serious and heavy, try to find something to laugh about.  If laughter is hard to find, then at least put on some music and dance  Someone once said, "If God is the DJ, then Life is the dance floor; Love is the rhythm, and You are the music."

Food For Thought

"I will ask no more of life

than this:

that I might love you

through all my days,

and that you may find

both peace and joy

in the constancy

of my heart."

Robert Sexton, American romantic, artist and poet

Have Patience in Growing Your Dreams!

Recently I saw a friend.  She is pregnant, in her seventh month. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Sleeping is difficult, walking is challenging--she is READY for this baby to be delivered. Yet, she does NOT want the baby to come early. Why? Because in the last few months of the pregnancy, the baby develops and grows in important ways. The entire nine months is crucial for the baby to be born vibrant and healthy.


So, she patiently waits day by day until the baby is ready to emerge.

It is the same with our dreams. Our dreams need development. The ideas we have at the outset of our journey must go through the entire process of developing and maturing. If born to early, they may not survive. That is why we must trust the process of our personal and professional growth.


Each step, each moment is essential on our path of progress.
I have BIG dreams and visions for life. I've had them for years now. I wanted them all to materialize rapidly. But, I've found that I can't skip steps in my self development or the maturity of my vision. I'm glad that it takes as long as it does. I'm more prepared than ever for new phases of living my life vision AND my vision gets clearer and fuller by the day.


I have clients who have incredible plans for business and life pursuits. Too often, they seem in a rush. They want it to happen NOW. In pushing for results, they often miss crucial opportunities to fully embrace and develop themselves in the stage they are in. I encourage them to be patient, persistent and persevere.

They will realize their potential and actualize their visions--but it happens over a period of time.

Don't be in too much of a rush! Be diligent today, where you are. Take the key next steps with the resources you have right now. If you stay focused on a consistent basis, you will achieve things you never imagined you could. Just because you don't see the results yet, doesn't mean you should give up. You are developing as a person. You are learning important life and business lessons to help you get to the next stage of your plan.

Open to the entire experience. It is rich if you do.


Savoring every tiny step of progress with you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Are You Ready to Enter Your Future?

Are you?  Are you really ready to enter your future?  It is a good question to think on. There is often more preparation involved in manifesting our dreams than we anticipate. 

I am going to be speaking on this topic in Abuja (Nigeria) on July 29th at Holyhill Church.  The morning service at 9 a.m. will be titled, "Your Vision Will Be Fulfilled IF..."  The evening service at 5:30 p.m. is designed as an "Enter Your Future" experience (loads of participation) and is bound to be full of incredible breakthrough moments for everyone who attends.

Anytime I begin preparing a new topic to speak on, I find, of course, that the preparation has to do with my own growth and development.  It's been a deeply introspective time for me and I feel delighted to share the insights I have come to with many audiences in Nigeria.

The irony of Entering Your Future is that you have to be the absolute best you can be in each and every present moment.


There is no better time than now to do WHATEVER IS NECESSARY to be ready to live more and more of your vision.  Often, the toughest preparation is the INNER work required.  To allow more and more of your True Self to emerge, it takes facing your fears head on.  Who would you be without the fearful thoughts you still allow to deter you?  Imagine a fear-free version of yourself.  What steps would you be taking today if you had total inner freedom?  (I challenge you to write down your answer to these questions).

I will also be speaking on August 1st at Trinity House (Victoria Island, Lagos) at 6 p.m.  My topic will be "Renew Your Mind."  If you are stuck in fear, self-doubt or a painful past, this message will give you the clues to transform your thinking so you can transform your entire life.

Face your fears this week...you are so much bigger and more powerful than these little thoughts that haunt you...

Sending you a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Create Your Dream -- Go Beyond the Fear!

For most of us, when we know what we truly want, the voice of fear begins speaking to us:

"You can't do that. You'll never be able to find success. You can't change careers because you don't have the money. What will people think of me if I make these changes? Maybe I don't have enough talent to do that. What if I fail? What will people think of me then? I'm just not sure I can reach this goal. . . ."

When the voice of fear speaks, it is easy to become paralyzed. We may even decide to abandon our dreams. If we don't abandon our dreams, we may take a step or two towards what we want to create, but then we find ourselves feeling awkward and unsure as we enter new territory in our lives. So, how do we begin to move beyond our fears?

The first step to moving beyond fear is to become aware of the fearful thoughts in your mind. Take close notice. Begin listening to the voices inside your mind -- do you sense fear in your thoughts? Do you see thoughts full of worry in your mind? Turn on your "Observer" and have it watch your thoughts on a regular basis. The Observer is going to assist you in noticing what fears might be hindering you from moving step-by-step towards your dreams.

As you observe your fears, write them down on paper. Write down the fearful thoughts that go through your mind. By putting them on paper you will be able to more objectively look at the thoughts. After you have listed your fears on paper, then sit with them -- watch the fear. Try to understand where it is coming from. Follow the fear to the underlying belief that might be causing you to feel afraid.

Yes, I have had my fair share of fears.  Here is a peek into some of the biggest fears I had before taking the leap into my career as a speaker, life coach and writer. . .

One of my biggest fears had always been that if I changed careers and did something I really loved to do for my work that I wouldn't have the money to provide for my family. These fears would interrogate me especially when I would sit down to pay my bills each month. As I paid the bills I felt worried that we wouldn't have enough money. Even though I wasn't finding my job fulfilling and I knew that I wanted to make a change, I did not take the steps towards making a career change because I was so afraid of not having enough money.

I sat with this fear day after day trying to understand it. I realized it came from hearing my dad talk repeatedly about never having enough money. Even though he owned a large apartment building and had built some wealth for himself, he still never felt that he had enough money. So, we would always be watching every penny growing up. I saw that my fears were coming from a belief that said, "There is never enough money for me and my family."

I continued to explore this belief. I questioned it. I asked myself, "Is that true?" As I looked back over my life I saw how often my dad limited our family's spending when we actually had the resources for a better life. He limited us because he himself held a strong belief that there wasn't enough. I had adopted my dad's belief -- it was programmed into my mind. I saw that all throughout my life my needs had been abundantly provided for -- I even had seen some amazing miracles happen for our family when it came to money.

I decided that I wanted to adopt a new belief. I chose for my new belief, "There is plenty of money in the World. I have more than enough money to spare and to share. Money flows to me in abundant ways." I practiced this new belief over and over. I wrote it on a 3x5 card and kept it with me. When I would see my mind go towards the fear about money, I would tell my mind to "STOP." Then, I would shift my thinking towards my new beliefs. I practiced my new beliefs until they felt comfortable to me. The more I focused on these new beliefs, the more evidence I saw to support my beliefs.

I then looked at my desire to change careers -- it was getting stronger and stronger. It was so strong that I knew I needed to begin taking baby steps towards becoming a life coach, speaker and writer. Each day I took a baby step towards my dreams-- I did research. I would talk to others in the field. I took time to determine what topics I felt passionate about. I put my creativity to use and came up with a transformational process to walk people through as a life coach.

There were still days that the voice of fear would say to me, "Are you crazy? You don't have the money to make this career switch." I would watch the thoughts. And, I determined that my fears would not hold me back from doing what my heart felt passionate about.

Another example of how my fear almost caused me to abandon my dream is when I began to question whether I was going to be "good enough" to be able to do this work. I attended an event in New York City and was being introduced to a group of people who I felt were already more "accomplished" than I was. I was put on the spot several times at the event when people asked me -- so, what is it that you speak about? I felt myself struggling for words and did my best to explain the ideas I presented. But I felt "less than" them because I was new to the group and to the industry. As I walked to my car after the event, my mind was riddled with fear and insecurity. I was also very tired out from the day. I thought to myself, "I can't do this. I'm just not good enough at this and everyone else seems to be much further along than I am." I was ready to walk away from my dream and stay in the life that I was comfortable with -- even though I really didn't like the work and life I had been living.

After a good night's rest I put my fear on paper. I saw that I was feeling "less than" everyone around me and comparing myself to them. But, as I started to really question the self-defeating thoughts, I saw that it was ridiculous that I was comparing myself with others. I knew in my heart that I was talented. I had been on stage before and was successful. I was getting excellent results with my life coaching clients. Yet, my voice of fear caused me to question myself. So I in turn decided to question my voice of fear and by doing so, realized that I was so passionate about this work, that I had to believe in myself and keep moving forward towards what I desired.

I share these personal stories with you so that you understand that I felt tremendous fear as I moved towards creating the life I had always dreamed of. I urge you to look at your fears closely. Write them on paper. Understand where they come from and why these thoughts are going through your mind. Begin to question the thoughts. Ask yourself, "is there another way to look at this?" You can heal your thoughts.
Moving beyond fear takes some effort. The effort pays off in the results you see in your life as you look at your fear in the face and then choose to move towards your dreams anyway.

Magic starts to happen in your life as you have clarity about what you want to create and as you release your fears! The magic comes in having the faith to take steps forward towards your dreams on a daily basis. People appear on your path. You are invited to the right events. The resources you need begin showing up in your life. It is truly magical and exciting as you begin to see your dreams materialize into reality.

In my life coaching work I see my clients struggle with their fears. Yet, with support, they too are able to move beyond fear and begin creating lives that they feel good about. There is no greater satisfaction than seeing my clients clarify what they truly want in life and then face their fears head on and take little steps each day towards building a life for themselves that brings them true satisfaction.


Let's face our fears head on this week!
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/