Thoughts on Ten Years of Marriage

Words that come to mind as I celebrate ten years of marriage:

Determination.  Ups.  Downs.  Highs and lows.  Great memories.  Tough ones.  Breakdowns.  Breakthroughs.  Love.  Patience.  Acceptance.  Compassion.  Growing understanding.  Space to allow the other to be.  Maturity on both parts. Learning to listen without defense.  Learning to speak one's mind when needed.   Greater appreciation of one another.  Belief in each one's potential.  Willingness to give 100% support to individual visions and a joint vision for life. 

Wow.  Ten years of marriage.  TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE.  It means I have grown and learned a lot.  It means I have a better appreciation for the union of marriage.  It shows that I still have a lot to learn, a long way to go. 

Today, however, I just simply celebrate. I delight in the person I have become because of the loving support my husband has offered me through the years.  He has always encouraged me to follow my heart and to live my dreams.  He knew I could face my fear and self-doubt and be amazing as I lived my purpose. He has offered me wisdom, support and inspiration when I have been at my most difficult points.

I am blessed, blessed beyond measure. 

I say to anyone who is early in your marriage -- hang in for the ride of your life.  Anyone who says marriage is easy is not telling the truth.  It is hard work.  It is difficult and challenging.  Marriage requires a daily commitment.  It is a choice to stay together through thick and thin, through some of the toughest times you can imagine.  I am so glad to have made it to this point.  The depth of my love for my husband is greater than I could ever have imagined.

My prayer is to be the best wife, mother and person I can be. 

Have a blessed week.
May you find and cultivate the love your heart desires (whether you are single or whether you are currently married).

Harness Your Power: Listening...Renewed Focus

I've decided to renew my focus on listening.  I want to be more aware, more present to others.  I see that often the greatest gift I can offer another person is my full attention.  So, with clients, with my family members and with my children -- I am quieting my mind and opening my heart.  I am choosing to engage my listening.

So, in light of all this, I offer a few suggestions that I am practicing this week.


1. Commit to spending at least a minute or two each day in silence. Focus on your breath. Simply notice your mental chatter. Understand the vitality of each thought. You might want to look at them as prowling tigers and appreciate their strength and beauty as they parade across the screen of your mind. Try not to engage them. Simply let them pass. Return your focus to your breath. If you find yourself tempted to play with the tigers, you might be in for a tussle. That’s okay. It’s natural. Just smile and go back to breathing. First practice this silence on your own. Then, when you find yourself in conversation, practice silence again. Quiet your mind and choose to focus on the other person’s words. Let your own thoughts pass by.

2. Observe yourself while in conversation. Are you able to stay focused while someone is talking to you or does your mental activity take over? Just notice. Don’t judge yourself. Become aware of the opportunity you have to grow your listening skills. Set an intention: I desire to become an attentive listener.



3. To increase your self-awareness, do a daily listening review each evening. How many times did you truly listen? How many times were you bored or uneasy? How many times did your mind take over? If your mind took over, where did it go? Here are some possibilities: To your own activities? To the past? To a criticism of the other person? To self-defense? Let this practice of detached self-evaluation help you grow.

I have much practice to do on this topic...and I'm approaching it with a light heart and spirit of adventure.
 
Why not join me?
 
With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: From Judgment to Understanding

The last week I have been observing the hurt and pain that is caused when human beings judge one another. 

The woman being judged is one of the kindest, most accepting people I have met.  Yet, several people in her life have judged her as "inadequate" and "incapable" of achieving her dream.  They don't see the countless hours she is alone in her office working.  They don't know and can't see the growth she has experienced through life's difficulties the past few years.  All they see is that from their perspectitve, she hasn't "made progress" in the way they think she should.

Here is what the woman expressed to me, her words fuelled by anger and said in a frustrated shout, "I don't understand.  I could judge them too.  I could find all their faults and shortcomings.  But I don't do this.  I look for their best.  I know they can change in the areas of their lives where they aren't doing well.  I don't dictate their future by focusing on their past.  I listen to them when they speak and try to understand their concerns.  I offer encouragement rather than judgment.  Why can't they do this for me too?" 

So the story goes -- judgment creates misunderstanding causes pain and hurt, destroys relationships and in the end, does nothing good for anyone involved in the situation.

I sat last night and imagined the situation differently.

What if each person in the situation were willing to expand their point of view, to look at the good in each other?  Couldn't they actively seek to understand their differences of perception?  Wouldn't the variety of cultures and ideas that each person has bring a richness of creativity if they were all able to talk calmly and lovingly to one another?

I know this could be possible.  The key shift needed would be for each person to move from judgment to a desire to understand. 

Instead, there is silence right now from the hurt each person feels.

My suggestion this week is to notice if you are judging people in your life.  Who do you see as inadequate?  Who do you think just isn't doing well enough?  Who has shortcomings?  Write the names of the people that have come to mind down on paper. 

For each of the people you have listed, answer this question, "What good can I find in this person?  In what ways is this person a fantastic human being?"  Jot your answers down.  Notice that you can find good anywhere you choose to.  The focus you have is always a choice.

Let's create a world where we offer understanding rather than harsh judgment.
After all, isn't that what you desire to receive from others in your life.
Give to others that which you long to receive.

With understanding,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: What Are You Weaving?

I am almost done the entire manuscript for my book, Clarify Your Purpose & Live It!  I'm sooooo very excited to be so close to sharing it with you.  I love the topic of life purpose.  I have come to realize that the main purpose for each of us is LOVE.  In that light, I wanted to share a few thoughts with you on weaving a legacy of love into the lives of others.  I trust these words will get you thinking deeply this week.

What are you weaving?


The ancient Greek politician and statesman Pericles said, “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

So, what is it that you are weaving?

Take a close look at your interactions with others. I’d encourage you to answer each of these questions in writing.

Am I collaborating or competing?

Am I offering respect or discrimination?

Am I harmonizing or bickering?

Am I sharing or demanding?

Am I uplifting or criticizing?

Each of your thoughts, words and actions are the threads you weave.

Are you weaving something you are proud of? Is it that masterpiece you desire to be remembered for?

Each day is new and fresh. Each moment you have a choice of the impact you have on the people around you.

Embrace kindness, acceptance, compassion, understanding and giving and you are sure to make a tapestry that is splendid and leaves a lasting impression when your time on Earth is done!

Weaving a masterpiece with you,


Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com

Harness Your Power: Beyond Judgment to Love

There is a deep pain in my heart.  I will be honest.  I was judged deeply and broadly and harshly by someone close to me.  I felt angry.  I wanted to lash out.  I began to judge the other person in my heart, "Who is this person anyway?  How can they not accept me for the path I've chosen?"  Quickly, though, I stopped myself.

I've been through this pattern before.  The "they-judge-me-and-then-I-get-angry-and judge-in-return" pattern.  You've experienced this pattern, haven't you?  It seems this is one deeply felt by those who are part of our human family.

Today felt intense as I moved through a range of emotions from pure anger, to frustration and heart-breaking sadness.  Yet, I am grateful to this learning partner of mine.  This situation challenged me once again to replace my anger with love. 

What is the point of me judging the other person for judging me?  I have to laugh. Think of these cycles we humans create!  One person is angry and judges the other.  Then, the other person judges the other person.  The conflict begins and escalates quickly as emotional exchanges leads to shouting matches.  Then people walk away from one another -- siblings against siblings, parents against children, long-time friends part ways. 

What is this insanity we are creating?

What if, instead, the person being judged simply said, "Thank you for your perspective.  I will consider it even though I don't agree with it." 

What if, instead, the person being judged simply said, "No matter how you feel about me, I choose to love you?"

My prayer this week is that God will expand my heart beyond all judgment.  That I will learn to take nothing personally but instead see even those who offend me and accuse me with eyes of compassion.

Will you join me?

With a humble heart desiring to learn,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Small Acts of Love

In the words of Mother Theresa, “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”

Look around your community with new eyes. Are there any forgotten people around you? Take notice.

As you go throughout this week ask yourself, “What small acts of kindness, compassion and care can I do to help make my community a Great Community?”

Let us make sure that nobody is left behind on the train of well-being.  Let us translate our desire for change into doing “small things with great love.”

Is there a child in your neighborhood who needs some new clothes?

Does a poor family need a meal tonight?

Might your gift of mentoring change the life course of a young person in your community?

Will you lend an ear to someone who is hurting and needs someone to talk to?
It's time to translate our desire for change into visible action!

What will your part be in the week ahead?

With Love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: We Are All the Same

I'm sitting here this evening unwinding from the week.  I have CNN's Tribute, Hope for Haiti, playing in the background.  I've been sitting all week watching the images of destruction and suffering from Haiti.  In each woman, I see myself.  In each child, I see Maggie and Skye.  In each man, I see my husband and brother.  We are all the same.  We are so similar. 

Too often we want to label and categorize, to separate ourselves by nationality, by skin color, by language, by religion.  Beneath it all our humanity joins us, beckoning us to remember that we are love in our essence.  We long for connection.  We desire a better future.  We wish for success and hunger for a sense of purpose.

As you walk through this week the challenge I offer us is to see the similarity.  Don't judge.  Join with others.  See deeply into their eyes.  Sense the energy.  Notice the pain points.  Watch the joyful moments. 

In the words of American journalist, William Allen White, “If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and of remorse as his own . . . how much kinder, how much gentler he would be.”

May our spirits expand with compassion.  May our minds focus on peace.  May we seek to help one another and see the best in each other.

Could it be that our sole purpose here is to serve humanity?  Could it be that we are here for love not material gain?  Might it be that we are here to find a new paradigm of relating and joining with one another so that we decrease the suffering on our planet?

Consider these ideas.  Meditate upon them.  Look within and find what your purposeful part is....there is a specific reason you are here, a profound reason you are walking the planet.  I pray you come to see how important you are to the whole of Life.

With my deepest love, a heart that melts and overflows with compassion and a desire to serve others,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: See the Inner Light

I am practicing something these days that I wanted to share with you. When someone is disagreeable, mean, outrageous or nasty towards me, I am practicing silence. I simply watch the scene playing out before me. In difficult encounters it is much better for me to observe the scenario as an outsider peeking in rather than as a person taking the offense in a personal way and joining the drama.

When I don't allow my "buttons" to get pushed, I can calmly look into the eyes of the other person and see their inner light. Yes, the beautiful glow is there even when a person is in an angry rage, throwing a fit or a temper tantrum.

In fact, when I am watching I feel deep compassion for the individual. I realize now that they are in deep pain or fear to be acting in this way towards me or someone close to me.

I've made so much progress. I used to be "Miss Defensive." I would take too many comments each day as a personal offense. This would drain my energy. In needing to show myself "right" I would defend (or should I say attack) in return. As Byron Katie (www.thework.com ) says, "Defense is the first act of war." I would engage in far too much verbal combat with others.

The more I began to identify and heal the inner wounds I had, the more I realized that what people were saying was not personal to me. In fact, they were projecting onto me what they were experiencing inside themselves. What a revelation!

The challenge I offer you this week is to do your best to be silent in situations where you would normally get into a nasty exchange of words. Instead, listen and watch. If you can keep silent for just a few moments, you might even be able to take a peek into the eyes of the person who is talking (or yelling) at you. Look closely. See the light. Focus on the light. What good can you find in them even in that moment?

Do your best to not defend. Instead, just listen quietly. When they are done their verbal tirade, (yes, at some point they will have to stop talking), you can just say, "Thank you for telling me how you feel. I will consider what you said." That's it. No defense needed.

If this seems like a stretch for you, then visualize yourself doing this. The more you practice inside your mind, the more likely you will be able to do this in the heat of the moment.

Let's increase peace in our lives this week!

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomqoui.com/