The woman being judged is one of the kindest, most accepting people I have met. Yet, several people in her life have judged her as "inadequate" and "incapable" of achieving her dream. They don't see the countless hours she is alone in her office working. They don't know and can't see the growth she has experienced through life's difficulties the past few years. All they see is that from their perspectitve, she hasn't "made progress" in the way they think she should.
Here is what the woman expressed to me, her words fuelled by anger and said in a frustrated shout, "I don't understand. I could judge them too. I could find all their faults and shortcomings. But I don't do this. I look for their best. I know they can change in the areas of their lives where they aren't doing well. I don't dictate their future by focusing on their past. I listen to them when they speak and try to understand their concerns. I offer encouragement rather than judgment. Why can't they do this for me too?"
So the story goes -- judgment creates misunderstanding causes pain and hurt, destroys relationships and in the end, does nothing good for anyone involved in the situation.
I sat last night and imagined the situation differently.
What if each person in the situation were willing to expand their point of view, to look at the good in each other? Couldn't they actively seek to understand their differences of perception? Wouldn't the variety of cultures and ideas that each person has bring a richness of creativity if they were all able to talk calmly and lovingly to one another?
I know this could be possible. The key shift needed would be for each person to move from judgment to a desire to understand.
Instead, there is silence right now from the hurt each person feels.
My suggestion this week is to notice if you are judging people in your life. Who do you see as inadequate? Who do you think just isn't doing well enough? Who has shortcomings? Write the names of the people that have come to mind down on paper.
For each of the people you have listed, answer this question, "What good can I find in this person? In what ways is this person a fantastic human being?" Jot your answers down. Notice that you can find good anywhere you choose to. The focus you have is always a choice.
Let's create a world where we offer understanding rather than harsh judgment.
After all, isn't that what you desire to receive from others in your life.
Give to others that which you long to receive.
With understanding,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/
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