Each relationship in our lives provides us with plenty of material for growth. Our spouses, co-workers, children, friends and acquaintances are our "Learning Partners."
In my personal growth process lately, I've been noticing situations where I feel out of balance. I grew up in a family dynamic where, even as a teen, I had to help provide for the family. Because of one parent disappearing and opting out of responsibility, my focus had to be helping support our family in the quest for survival. I became an Ultra, Over-Responsible young adult.
There are many positive aspects to this. I can achieve anything I put my mind to. I can carry massive loads of responsibilities --and I have great endurance. I am incredibly capable and strong.
There are many negative aspects to this as well. I tend to assume responsibility, ALL the responsibility in situations. Why? Because I am capable of doing so. Over time, though, this results in me taking on too much and then ending up feeling tired, forlorn, exhausted and having little to no time for enjoyment. I became such a master of survival mode that I never learned the value of rest, relaxation nor having fun.
I've been aware of and working on my personal growth opportunities for some time. And, thankfully, much progress has been made. As I peel back layer after layer of childhood pain and dysfunction, I have started to lessen the load I carry. I've learned to start saying No more frequently. I have started to experiment with having fun and being more child-like.
Guess what? I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO STILL (written with a highly-aware smile...and a sense of humor).
Personal growth and evolution certainly is a life-long process. I don't see it as heavy or serious. I see it as exciting, joyful exploration--as learning to be on the cutting edge of the next version of a better Self.
Today I share an exercise with you, one I am doing in my own life. Recently I discovered that there is further change needed for Re-balancing the Relationships in my life. Though I've made major leaps forward in letting go of responsibility, I am discovering there is far more I need to let go of.
Can you relate to this relational equation? My tendency toward being extremely responsible can be a source of dis-empowerment for me, as well as the people around me. Because I naturally am strong like an Ox, I can take an enormous load onto myself and I habitually do so. When I over-compensate and do it ALL, it leaves no space for others to step up and play their Essential roles. Even if people offer to assist me, I struggle to hand anything over because I am so used to handling it all. The result of this old pattern that emerges in me constantly is: exhaustion, being more spent at the end of the day than needed. Even feeling angry when I see others doing less (even if I am the one who allowed it.)
Silly me! When I have people in my life gladly offering to take more on, why is it that I am not following through and gladly handing them lists of items they could assist me with? I rob others of empowerment by being too strong. I sabotage the growth of my relationships if I don't follow through and allow others to support me and shine in new ways.
So....today I created an exercise for myself to do. Perhaps it will be helpful to you as well!
Here's the exercise--please get out pen and paper and take the time to write or draw your answers.
1. Choose a relationship in your life that could use some growth. Visualize a scale, an old-school one, like the above image. One side of the scale will represent your side of the relationship, the other person will be the other side of the scale.
2. Think about the dynamics of the relationship. Draw a picture showing the current state of the relational scale between you and the other person. Are you the one doing it all with the heavy, weighted down side of the scale? Or, perhaps you are the one that does very little and you are allowing the other person to take it all on? Don't over-think this. Let your intuition guide you to a quick sketch.
3. Take stock of what is on each side of the scale. Write a list. What is it that you are taking on in the relationship? What is the other person owning in the relationship? For now, put judgment aside and instead use curiosity to discover what may be causing this relationship to be unbalanced.
4. Now consider some of these questions:
What opportunities for healing and re-balancing exist in this relationship?
What would be the benefits of shifting these dynamics?
What has gotten in the way of taking action on what I know is ready to change?
In what areas could I be asking for more help?
In what areas could I be offering to take more on?
What is the next opportunity for growth here?
How would I feel if this relationship evolved further?
5. Bring your awareness into steps of action. Given what you are now aware of, what baby steps could you begin taking to shift your side of the scale? Write down these key next steps...and if you are ready, be courageous and take action today. Remember, relationships are learning experiments. Bringing about change doesn't have to be a heavy, serious project. It can be a fun, lighthearted growth experience! In other words, laugh and find humor through the process. And, joyfully begin to take action.
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What I can tell you is that I did this exercise this morning and I discovered a whole new set of opportunities. I even took a baby step of action already today. I'm excited at the possibilities! I am ready to grow and evolve, to heal more deeply and become a better version of me. As I take ownership of my growth, the people around me naturally begin to grow and change as well. I'm incredibly grateful for my Learning Partners--for we are all evolving together!
Let me know if you do this exercise. It's a new one and I want to refine it.
Aiming for equilibrium and wholeness with you,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com
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