I marvel at the honesty and fearlessness of my growing girls. They don’t hesitate to say what is on their mind. At three years of age, my daughter Skye, met her pre-school teacher for the first time. The teacher was wearing a pair of open-toed sandals. Skye kept looking at her teacher’s toes and finally whispered to me, “Mommy, what’s wrong with her toes?”
I looked down and saw the teacher’s toes were pressed together and crossed in a very unusual way. Was it a genetic condition or arthritis? I didn’t know. But of course, Skye said it all loud enough so the teacher heard her. The teacher was gracious and laughed. It was a funny moment and I found the candor and honesty on both sides refreshing.
I have a life coaching client who suffered a stroke several years ago. After her stroke she couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk well and didn’t look normal. She told me that people would just stare at her, obviously questioning in their mind what had happened to her. Yet, no one would ask about her physical challenges.
She wished that they would ask the questions rather than just stare.
She was willing to share her story with them, and it would have allowed for a personal connection rather than an awkward moment.
We have learned not to say what we mean or mean what we say. In fact, our communication with others is often so vague or convoluted that people don’t really understand our point of view. When we represent ourselves we tend to adjust the truth, misrepresenting our possessions, our achievements, and our relationships.
The ironic aspect of this is that in the last analysis, the only person we are really deceiving is ourselves.
If you pay close attention when someone is telling you something, you can tell whether it is coming from the energy of truth or the energy of dishonesty. Body language, eye movements and tone of voice will give people away. So does time. Remember that when you stretch truth, it can snap back with a sting.
We often tell so many small lies that we can’t even remember who we’ve told what, how we’ve presented ourselves to certain people…and inevitably, we get found out in the end. In fact, I have met several people in recent years who have told very large fibs in an attempt to make themselves look good. Months later, they didn’t even remember what they had told me because it wasn’t really true. Liars get found out eventually.
I'd like us all to take some time this week to observe closely our level of honesty. Take time to notice the following:
1. Notice how often you “adjust” the truth. Do you tell white lies or half truths? Do you leave out important details when the other person needs to know the whole story? Do you stretch the truth to make yourself or situations you are experiencing seem bigger and better (or smaller and less significant) than they actually are?
2. Notice how you feel when someone is dishonest with you. Are you hurt, angry or disappointed? Would you rather have been told the truth? What happened in these relationships because of dishonesty?
3. Observe how you feel when someone is honest. Do you begin judging them when they tell the truth about themselves and their life? Do you react in anger when someone expresses how they really feel about you or a situation involving you? Or, are you grateful when people speak with an open heart?
4. Pause often to give thought to the way being more honest with yourself and others might change your relationships and your life. Would you appreciate honesty from others? How would it feel to you to be more honest yourself? Would it be freeing to just be you all the time?
If you are stuck in a habit of dishonesty, it may be difficult to face some situations in which you have created misimpressions. An “unwinding” may occur as you begin to speak honestly with those you have shared mistruths in the past. Thinking of that transition may cause fear. Don’t worry about that.
All you must do this week is begin to look at your habits as they relate to honesty. Don’t judge what you observe. Just look honestly. Honesty begins within.
Have an honest week ahead!
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
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