The Payoff of Doing the Inner Work

Yesterday I took my three children to the pool for an evening of fun and relaxation.  We have lived in this condo community for about four years now so we are familiar with many people's faces but don't always know their names.  One such woman was observing and smiling at us as our little one Sage, was having fun splashing as a toddler does in the shallow waters.

Later, the woman got up and as she passed by us, said to me, "I've been watching you for several years now.  How is it that you are so calm?  I've never seen you lose your cool and you have so much on your plate."

I responded, "I meditate--a LOT.  Every day I sit in silence and this allows me to hold the space for myself and others.  I am not perfect.  I do lose my cool sometimes."

We smiled as we talked about being human and then she headed on her way.

What struck me deeply is that the constant, focused inner work I've been doing for the past 13 years has been an investment.  I am reaping tremendous reward, invisible to many:  I move through my days with an almost unshakable peace.  Finally, after spending years healing my childhood traumas, a sense of joy is beginning to rise within my spirit.  I am able to hold a space of calm open when my children tantrum and when my coaching clients are in deep, dark despair.  From sitting with my own fears and facing them, I now see that the mind's tricks are merely an illusion that I no longer need to buy into.  From sitting with and caring for my own distressed inner child, I've learned that if I allow a person the space to move through their emotions, a sense of calm can be found just beneath the inner storm.

Most of humanity is running to and fro chasing the outer adornments of success:  high paying jobs, fancy cars, designer clothes, bags and shoes, big mc-mansions.  What is it getting them?  Material stuff.  I witness first hand it is NOT all that it is cracked up to be.  In fact, the millionaire coaching clients I work with often have the highest degrees of inner sadness and despair I have ever seen.  I have the privilege of being allowed into their inner world and it has shown me that outer success does not mean deep peace nor happiness.  In fact, the outer success often leads to a deepening sense of despair and separation from everyone.

What's my point in sharing all of this with you today?

I want to encourage you to do your inner work.

Observe your mind's antics and come to discover that a fear is just a thought of something you don't want to happen in your life.  Become aware that you have the power to become the master of your mind rather than allowing your mental frenzy to consume and take over your life.

Take the time to foster a practice of daily silence and meditation.  Be still. Know God through prayer and meditation.  Connect regularly with the Divine space of total love, total acceptance, total peace, all-encompassing compassion.  This may sound distant and even impossible to you right now.  It sure felt that way to me about 13 years ago.  But day after day, as I sat quietly for a few minutes at a time, something began to change inside me.  Openings for insight, intuition and hearing God's voice within me began to emerge as I just kept showing up in the quiet seeking the answers my soul desperately needed.  Now, these times of silence are my life-line to undisturbed peace and calm no matter the circumstances that might arise on a day to day basis.

Begin to question everything.  We've all been brain-washed, hypnotized to believe that what the World and Media tell us is true is what we should be doing and pursuing.  Why not step back and observe awhile?  Start to look more deeply at the messages.  What am I really here for on this planet?  What is it my heart truly longs for?  What is it time to let go of?  How can I begin to simplify my life so that it is not stress-filled?  If what society's thinks hasn't led me to a sense of peace and joy, then what type of thinking would allow me to find true riches?

Open to accepting yourself just as you are.  I used to beat myself up in my mind all day, every day.  The result was a tired, haggard version of me.  People on the outside had no idea how sad I was on the inside because of my self-loathing.  Nobody knew I was on the verge of an eating disorder because I judged my physical body so harshly.  Nobody knew that I didn't feel good enough as a wife, mom or corporate worker.  I had all the outer-packaging of success:  a Princeton degree, a career as a pro basketball player, a nice house, car and ideal looking life.  Yet, I was unhappy inside--more distressed than I realized.  When I began to study my thinking, in particular, my self-talk, I saw that I was my own worst enemy and my biggest critic.  I would spend hours each day picking myself apart.  I have re-trained myself not to do this anymore.  I've re-programmed my mind in a way that supports a sense of empowerment and well-being.  I have cultivated self-grace and compassion. I've chosen to seen the beauty and perfection in my ever-evolving body, mind and spirit.  I've learned to see myself as a child of God, made marvelously in the Divine image.  I've realized that judging myself against the world's fake and outrageous standards of beauty and success is not needed. Instead, I've defined and created my own views on what a happy, fulfilled, purposeful and successful life means to me.

What results from this inner work?  Peace.  Joy.  Inner grace.  Awareness of Divine protection and guidance flowing through and to me every moment of every day.  Self-love.  A deepening compassion for others who are on a similar journey of waking up to their truth and power.  A wonderful, exciting sense of my purpose on the planet.

So...my challenge to each of us is this:  begin to cultivate daily practices that help us clean-up the inner spaces.  With time and focus, we can heal from and become free of inner trauma.  We can clean-up the mental patterns that limit us and cause us despair.  Does it take some work and effort?  Sure, it does.  But, the results of this inner work lay a foundation for a life-time of lasting peace and joy.  Every second, minute, hour and day I've invested into this self-mastery has been immensely worthwhile!

As is the journey of life, I get to keep growing and I still have plenty of my own inner work to do.  And, I do so joyously with you,

With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Break Free of External Definitions - Be Uniquely YOU

It's time to unmask this ridiculous mentality the majority have bought into:  Feeling Less Than-- believing that it's okay to regularly enter an inner, mental abuse chamber of self-deprecation and self-mutilation.

I don't feel my words are extreme.  I feel they are accurate.  After spending hour after countless hour with coaching clients, I've heard how hard people can be on themselves.  I've seen how they beat themselves up and have an underlying sense of just not ever being "good enough".  I've seen the sense of desperation and sadness of never feeling like they can measure up no matter how hard they try.

How does this happen?  How is it that beautiful beings who enter this life happy, pure and full of amazing energy are somehow programmed to think that who they are is not okay?

Humanity has been hypnotized by unconscious thinking--by systems that teach us to compare ourselves with one another.  By systems that have designed limited definitions of success--that there are only certain forms of success that are "acceptable."  If you are the jock who shines on the sports turf or the academic genius who can memorize and pass exams--then, you are deemed "great".  If you are the corporate person who can climb the ladder and earn the big bucks then you are told you "have arrived."  If you have a body that matches the tall, skinny, light-skinned definition of magazine-cover-model beauty, then you are "pretty."

Really?

REALLY?

REALLY FOLKS??

I am not the type of person to swear.  But as I sit here and mull over the thinking 99% of humanity has unconsciously accepted, I must say this:  B*llsh*t.  We need to unmask this for ourselves.  We need stop  blindly and unknowingly believing what we've been told about how to be "acceptable" in the World's eyes.

Each of us is a remarkable being born full of tremendous genius and talent.  But, we have been told in subtle and blatant ways:  "You aren't good enough.  Compare yourself to external standards.  You really just don't measure up and you probably never will."

It's time to QUESTION THIS!

Let's wake up.  Let's do so together.  Let's stop allowing these old patterns of thought that have kept far too many people stuck for much too long.

It's time to call Humanity's bluff.  It's time to wake up from the toxic mental programming.

Just because a person doesn't fit some limited form of "success", doesn't mean they aren't valuable or important.

It's time to expand the definitions of beauty, success and talent.  It's time to teach our children and re-teach our adults to value their uniqueness.  It's time to start having fun more and drop this mental imprisonment.

Each of us has the opportunity to chart our own journey.  Each of us has the opportunity to begin to accept ourselves as we are and open up to exploring the fascinating, complex, configuration of potential built into us at birth.

Imagine for a minute if rather than feeling bad about yourself all day because you are comparing yourself to how much other's have, how pretty others, how far along others seem to be -- if instead, you just opened up your mind and spirit and decided to have some fun and experiment with becoming your best self.  Your "success" SHOULD take a completely different form than mine because we were purposefully created DIFFERENT.

Clearly, this cookie-cutter definition of "success" and "worthiness" that the world's systems attempt to impose on us is not working for anyone.  Many are on anti-depressants climbing the artificial ladders put in front of them.  Most are drinking wine or bottled beer each night soothing themselves because of their sense of "not being enough."

What if we begin to embrace the thinking that each human being is valuable and that it is our differences, our unique points, that what will lead us to the exciting, fun-filled expressions of our potential?

What if we each begin to create a definition of success that is not so much about the material trappings and external representations of "wealth" but instead about the inner riches of living a peace-filled, happy and free existence?

What if we focus our energy on exploring and finding wonderful ways to express our differentiated potential?

How much better might we feel if our thinking time was used in celebrating everything about ourselves--especially our flaws, our pain points and our wounds --because we know that from the deepest, darkest moments of our existence will emerge the greatest gems of wisdom and breadth of BEING that will allow us to be transformational agents of change on this planet?

I may be radical in the thoughts I share today but RADICAL INNER CHANGE is needed across this planet.  It's too easy to become a robotic, programmed being doing what everyone else is doing to fit in because this has become the "norm."  It ain't working, is it?  I know it didn't work for me and I see clearly in the people I interact with and coach that it is NOT working for them either.  Being sad, forlorn and stuck is not the way to thrive.

So, perhaps, it's time to redefine how you see yourself and how you will come to define success on your own terms.  Maybe today it would be worth taking a few minutes to craft your personal definition of success--when it is all said and done and you are near death, what would you really have wanted to invested your precious life-energy to become and to create?

I'm just saying...maybe, there's a whole new approach and maybe you can be part of defining it, living it and breaking free so you can find a deep sense of happiness and well-being for the 80 to 100 years you are resident here...and so you can bring the best of yourself and your gifts to helping transform this planet.

What do you think?  Leave a comment ...even if it is one word...let's converse on this essential topic.

Redefining this with you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Soar Higher: Let Go of What Weighs You Down!

 I was reading through my journal from this time last year.  In it, I described the situations and the thinking that were weighing me down.  What was most interesting to me was that some of these situations are still on-going in my life...BUT...my perspective on these situations has changed.  I see myself and my life differently.

Rather than being weighed down by self-judgment, I now offer myself grace.  This allows my energy to be softer and lighter each day.

Rather than being afraid of outcomes, I choose to believe that everything turns out for my highest good and the highest good of those around me.  This shift allows me to walk calmly through each day allowing creative solutions to emerge when challenging circumstances arise.

Rather than the painful stories of the past taunting me and causing inner turmoil, I've cried needed tears and done inner work to release layers of pain.  This change of perspective allows me to enjoy the gems of wisdom from my past rather than feeling exhausted each day from unresolved inner struggles.

Rather than feeling guilt for all that I am not able to accomplish or be on a given day, I instead focus on what is highest priority and simply do my best.  This approach allows me to celebrate every bit of good, every bit of progress rather than beating myself up or telling myself "I'm not good enough."

I am still finding layers of thinking that need some clean-up!  But, I'm motivated to keep going with this process because I feel better and better each day as a result of doing this inner clean-up work.

In my work as a professional coach, I have come to realize that I'm not alone when it comes to debilitating thought patterns.  Every client that I work with has some form of thinking that saps them, hinders them or causes them to feel like life is heavier than it needs to be.  As I work with clients over a period of time, it is amazing to see that increased self-awareness of their inner patterns allows them to discover opportunity after opportunity to break free.  The inner work of shifting their thinking allows them a new approach on how they create their outer world.  What results from greater awareness?  Increased freedom.  Greater peace.  Deeper acceptance of self.  Discovery of their potential.

Notice today.  Observe.  Be curious (self-judgment is not needed in this process).  Pay attention to the repetitive thought patterns that might be draining your vital life energy.

Write the patterns down so you can begin to see them clearly in black and white.

Get excited as you find the thinking that weighs you down.  Each thought pattern you identify is a tremendous opportunity to regain your peace, power and joy.

Deepening my awareness with you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Life Changing Perspectives: Two Powerful Questions to Transform Your View on EVERYTHING that Happens

What if we can begin to open to everything that Life brings our way?  Yes, I mean even the difficult people that show up and the intense challenges.

I wanted to share today two very simple questions that have changed my entire way of experiencing life.  The perspectives and wisdom that emerge from asking these two questions have deeply transformed me.  They allow me to see life in an empowered way rather than feeling like a victim to what happens.

I also wanted to let you know that I have a daily inspirational email list available.  (You can sign up at www.patriciaomoqui.com - just put your email in the "Receive My Newsletter" box.)

Today's post is quick.  I'm simply going to share the daily email I wrote for today:

Affirm:  I am grateful for learning partners.  I am ready for my next level of growth.

Encountering difficult people or challenging circumstances?

__________  

Be grateful.

Each difficult person that shows up on our path is a learning partner.

The intense interactions of our daily existence are here to teach us, to help us grow.

Each challenging circumstance is showing up to guide us to our next level of growth.

The difficulties don't mean something is wrong.  

The difficulties mean you are ready for more training to become your Best Self.

Rather than resisting the people and situations that come our way, 

Let's open our hearts and minds!

Let's welcome the opportunity for our next breakthrough.

Let's choose to use each moment to deepen our understanding, increase our wisdom and move more fully into potential.

For today, just keep asking:

What is this situation here to teach me?

What is this learning partner here to show me?

I encourage you today to write these two questions down and post them somewhere you will see them often--your bathroom mirror, near your computer screen, your car, or even on a piece of paper you keep in your pocket or purse.

Rather than getting stuck in feeling like something is constantly wrong in our lives, we can instead begin to see the Divine Design in it all.  As we open our hearts and use every moment for growth, the breakthroughs in perspective we receive will catapult us into more peace, inner freedom and empowerment than we can imagine.

I'm asking these two questions with you....let me know what you think.  Leave a comment.  Feel free to share some powerful questions that have helped you to grow...

Growing with you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Energetic Spill-Over Alert! Is It Time to Clean Up Your Energy?

My husband was driving yesterday afternoon.  From nowhere, a car that was attempting to make a left turn came into his lane and almost caused a head-on accident. The intersection is a messy one--one that keeps drivers from being able to see what may be coming their way.

David slammed on his breaks and avoided the potentially fatal accident.  His heart was pounding and he was startled by what happened.

What shocked him even more was the reaction of the other driver.  A gentleman of middle-eastern descent got out of the car and yelled, "F*cking Nigger!" and then proceeded to spit on his car.  Woa.  Really?

What was an accident avoided by Divine Grace, turned into an energetic assault of another human being.

David took a deep breath rather than engaging in a potential war of words and energy.  Instead, he drove home to contemplate what had happened.

What was happening inside this man that he felt the need to use racial insults toward my husband?

What anger was brewing within this person that caused him to lash out with energetically violent words in an already difficult situation?  

What caused him to spit at David?

What pain was this man feeling within that spilled onto the world around him?

It's amazing that twice in a week my husband and I have experienced racial insults.  These situations are clearly coming our way to teach us important lessons. (See a story I shared last week about a situation with a "drive-by"racial insult we experienced as a mixed-race couple:  A Simple Concept that Leads to Incredible Freedom.)

What struck me most from yesterday's car situation is that people around us are like walking time-bombs.  Whatever has built up in their energy fields can, at any moment, spill over onto the people around them--whether strangers, children, spouses, co-workers, friends or family.

Hey--let's be honest, sometimes each of us are like this, too, aren't we?

It is URGENT Friends:  We must take care of our energy fields.   We must clean-up our biases, our judgments, our pain and our unprocessed emotions.

Each day almost every human being takes the time to bathe or shower and clean-up their physical body.  Nobody enjoys being around a person who has not cleansed themselves.  None of us like to be around someone with body odor or someone who is unkempt, messy or dirty.

Yet, few of us, if any, take the time on a daily basis to clean-up our inner world and energy field.   We may look well put together on the outside:  designer clothes, perfectly done hair and make-up etc.  We keep the "tip of our iceberg" looking pretty and shiny.  But below the surface, we allow an energetic disaster zone to build up within and around us.  We are stressed, angry, and frustrated with ourselves and life.  We are sad, hurt and devastated by life's traumas and disappointments.  We are worried and upset about heath concerns, financial demands and keeping up with the Jones's.  We constantly torment ourselves with self-criticism and this causes us to be on edge and ashamed, feeling like we are less than and not good enough.

So.....when something happens like an "almost" car-accident, the outer mask of "I have it all together" comes off and the wild and crazy emotional energy that exists just below the surface comes out full force.

Last night, my husband, daughter and I sat out on our porch and processed the situation together.  Clearly, the racial insult from this man had nothing to do with who my husband was.   His reaction wasn't personal to my husband. This man projected all the unsettled emotions and pain in his energy field onto a stranger.

Is all this necessary, friends?

Those of us who have the awareness to do so MUST take the time to clean-up our inner pain and energy.

Listen, let's admit it.  When we allow stress to build up, it is easy to become snappy or edgy with people in our lives.  When we allow our fears to get in the way of our peace, a simple situation can trigger us to say a mean word to another human.  When we allow past hurts and pains to fester within, we end up acting our pain out through relational dramas.

Most of us want to be genuinely kind and caring to others.  We would never purposefully hurt or attack another person.  Yet, because of what we carry in our energy fields, we often unconsciously do so.

As I think of that driver...I am asking myself--What ways might I still be acting unconsciously or unkindly to others?  What is it that I need to clean-up within myself so that I can be more present, helpful and compassionate in my responses rather than lashing out?

Here are a few simple things we can each start doing on a daily basis to BE THE CHANGE:

1.  Pay attention to your feelings--don't ignore, avoid or stuff them down.  Emotions are a powerful signalling system.  They give us guidance and information on whether we are in balance or out of balance.  Emotions are meant to help us.  Begin to explore and understand the emotions. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?"  Then, try to give the emotion a name. Then ask, "What is this emotion trying to tell me about what I need?" Emotions guide us to wise awareness.  Awareness of what is needed provides us a road-map to positive steps we can take to feel better and improve our well-being.

2.  Find healthy ways to process and work through emotions.  Take the time to journal and pour out your feelings onto paper.  You can even use art or music or other forms of creative expression to move through and express emotions.  Find regular connection times with trusted friends and family members to share the daunting details of life.

3.  Seek out support--expert help if needed.  Even if the people around you have smiles on their faces, don't assume they have perfect lives.  Each of us has some form of life challenge and difficulty we are walking through on a regular basis.  At times the challenges become overwhelming and we may feel there is no way through the darkness.  In these times, it is essential to ask for help.  There are professionals who are experts at guiding people through highly difficult, painful and emotional situations.  Seek out help if you are in intense inner turmoil--this could mean getting support from a psychologist or a counselor. What isn't processed and expressed gets stuck inside us.  What we don't deal with can lead us into vicious cycles of addiction or harmful relational patterns.  What we choose to work through can lead us toward peace, well-being and inner freedom.

Those are just a few suggestions that come to my mind.

I felt it urgent and imperative to share with each of you.  We have the power to transform our pain into powerful truth that allows us great impact on this planet.  We have the ability to be calm in the midst of these insane situations life brings our way IF we have created calm within ourselves.

Further cleaning-up my energy field with you ;)

Let me know what you think in the comments below.  Share the ideas with a friend if you find them helpful.

With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Feeling Cracked? Broken? Let the Light In...The Space for Miraculous Transformation

I sat yesterday at a half-way house with a person who is quite dear to me.  He is someone who acted as a father-figure at points in my life when my own Dad had abandoned me.  He treated me to fine meals, listened to me share stories of pain, and showed me kindness and love when I was broken inside.

Tables turn.

He went from being a tremendously successful business man of millionaire status to losing absolutely everything--money, material things, health, and even his relationships with his children.  All of this came about because his deep pain led him to a destructive cycle of addiction.

Yesterday, I saw a man cracked, broken, in the void.  He had nothing.  He had nobody--all bridges had been burned and those who loved him had realized they could not save nor help him.  He had almost died last week.  Yet, as he told his story I perceived that a Divine Grace was still in play in his life.

In moments as I sat there with him, there were tears that welled up within me--compassion, deep love for this man who I could see at his core had a yearning for a breakthrough.  In the midst of this personal ruin, he spoke of still seeking God, wanting to know truth and understanding that for some reason, God had still kept him alive in spite of himself.

Will he finally turn the corner on his addiction?  I don't know. I hope so.  Yet, I know he certainly can find a way forward.

How do I know?

Rewind to ten years ago in my journey of personal awakening.

Several years into my own transformation I hit a point of deep despair.  Some of my closest relationships were falling apart.  I hit a time period where, despite all of my best efforts, my life wasn't adding up or working as I had hoped it would.

People outside my inner circle still thought I had it all together.  The outer trappings of "she's successful and doing okay" were all in place.  Those in my most intimate circle knew of the painful situations that were causing me to do another round of deep soul-searching.

I remember time periods of being so worn out from Life's difficulties that I would wrap myself in my blanket in my bed and just cry out to God for help.  "God, I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to handle this situation.  I'm so afraid.  I have no idea how to find a way forward.  I need transformation.  I want things to be different.  I'm scared.  I'm exhausted.  I'm trying so hard but it's not working out the way I wanted it to.  I need help!"

I often thought of the blanket on my bed as my personal cocoon.  My bed became the safe spot in which I could fall apart--broken, uncertain, in need of Divine Grace to move me forward.  The tears that flowed into my cocoon watered the seeds of possibility inside me.

When a caterpillar goes into a cocoon, science tells us that it becomes completely liquefied.  Remaining in the cocoon is the messy gunk of the old caterpillar along with "imaginal buds"--the seeds of the butterfly that will eventually emerge.

I felt liquefied.  I felt like the messiest soup of energy I had ever been.  But, something whispered to me, "Trish, keep going.  It's going to be okay.  There is an incredible process at work, one you don't understand.  Trust.  Your cries for help are being heard.  You will find a way to healing."

When our being is liquefied...brought to a point of a willingness to be transformed...
When we are brought away from a solid, hardened state to a more malleable form...these are the points and times when the Divine love and light of Spirit can enter in a miraculous way--if invited--to bring us into  a  brand new, fresh, more expanded, ready-to-soar version of ourselves.

Slowly but surely, I was brought to face another round of fears in my life one by one.  I lived and breathed just one moment at a time.  I learned that the future would come to fruition if I just used my little strength in the moment to keep walking forward the best I possibly could.

Why bother sharing this with all of you?  To encourage you.  To let you know that being in a broken state is often where the magic of transformation can occur.  When we finally come to the end of ourselves, to the end of all the answers we think we have, to the end of the striving to prove our value and worth to the world around us....when nothing adds up and we feel empty, stuck, and unsure of how to move forward--we enter the sacred space of miracles.

The pivotal moments in this space of miracles is when we realize we can't come up with the solutions from our small minds.   Our answers aren't working.  The breakthrough comes when we surrender and ask for Divine Grace to enter.  When we wave our little white flag in the air and say, "There must be a better way.  There must be something more.  There must be something I'm missing.  Show me.  Help me.  Bring me the miracle I need.  Help me to see Life from a new perspective."

Our requests for assistance do not go unheard.  This invitation for Divine Help is the moment when the light can come through our brokenness and begin to work in, on and through us.

I wasn't planning on sharing all of this with you today. Yet, this story emerged from my meditation.  I felt it important to share my own times of brokenness with you so you know that the light I currently share with you now is a result of allowing Divine Light to enter my own brokenness and transform me.  Divine Grace has lifted me, changed me, opened me to new horizons.  I'm in awe of this process.

Many of my coaching clients are currently sitting in the "cocoon" going through massive transformations.  Having gone through many cycles of my own cocoon times, I can sit with them and hold the space for them knowing--that they will get beyond their current set of challenges.  As they grow and trust the chrysalis process, they will eventually transform, breakthrough and take flight into a whole new, exciting stage of their lives.

If you feel tired, worn-out, stuck, at an end of yourself, be encouraged today.  This is a natural part of personal growth and development.  Rather than feeling ashamed or like something is incredibly wrong--instead, I encourage you to invite Divine Grace to assist you.  Ask to see things from a whole new perspective.  Ask to be shown a fresh way forward.   Ask.  Trust.  Open.  Surrender.  Receive the Divine help that is available to us at all times.

I'm thankful for my own "cracks".  It truly has been how the light finally got into me.  I am only able to share through this blog my personal truth...based on my set of experiences.

I pray that in some way today, your heart will be encouraged.  Beautiful vistas await for you, dear Caterpillar...be grateful for the process of liquification--for someday soon, your wings will emerge and you shall take flight!

It is more well than we realize,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

A Simple Concept that Leads to Incredible Freedom - Are You Ready to Unleash Your Power Today?

Last night my husband and I were taking a walk in a neighborhood just outside of Philadelphia.  We were having enjoyable conversation as we strolled together.  I was looking at David while he was sharing a story with me.  Then, out of the blue, an African-American woman riding her bicycle came toward us.  She lifted one hand from the handle bar and gave us a big Thumbs Down sign and shouted at us with an angry energy:  "Learn From History!"

We were both caught off guard and a bit stunned.  "Was that meant for us? " I asked David.

It took us awhile to wrap our heads around what had just happened.  The conclusion we reached was that it seemed she did not like that a white woman and a black man were out on a date, taking a walk together.

 You can see from these pictures here that David and I aren't the same race.  We look different.  I'm a white American of German and Pennsylvania Dutch heritage.  David is a Nigerian with dark skin.

What brought David and I together when we first met was that our hearts and our value were a match.  Skin color wasn't really a qualifying factor for either of us when we decided to date, marry and share our lives together.  We have come to enjoy the diversity and differences between one another.  And, we have created 3 gorgeous mixed race daughters through our unique combination of races.

We didn't get offended by the words.  We weren't upset by the surprise "attack."  We spent time musing in compassion at what must have been going inside this woman.  Why did she hurl a massive wave of negative, judgment and anger toward strangers who were simply trying to take in a peaceful moment of connection?

What she said had nothing to do with us.  What she said only had something to do with what was going on INSIDE her.  It was her belief system, judgment and pain that caused her to shout at us.

Announcement!  Exciting NEWS.  ESSENTIAL REALIZATION:

When we begin to understand that what other people say and do has nothing to do with us, we gain a tremendous amount of energy and freedom! Nothing is ever personal.  All any of us are doing at any moment of the day is projecting our inner world onto the world around us.  

More than ten years ago I came across this concept in a simple but profound book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz.  Agreement # 2 in his book is:  Don't take anything personally.  Too often we feel vulnerable and get easily shaken by the words and actions of others.  We have been taught to allow what others say and do to have an impact on us.  

However, when we begin to wake up we see a MASSIVE OPPORTUNITY to reclaim our energy and personal power:  Nothing others say or do is about us.   It's just what's inside of them.

Imagine if you took this realization into the workplace today?  How might you save precious time and vital life-energy if you stopped taking personally what your boss or co-workers say and do?

Imagine if you took this awareness into your friendships.  How might the drama in your life lessen if you truly understood that what your friends say and do ain't personal to you?

Imagine if you took this insight into your marriage.  Would you be less affected by the mood, criticism and emotions of your spouse?  

We do not have to take on nor own the energy and pain of others.  We always have a choice of what we allow in to our own energy field.

Last night, David and I could have allowed that woman's pain to infiltrate our time together.  We didn't.  We experienced that moment, processed it for our own growth and then moved on and had some fun together.  We did take a beautiful awareness away from the interaction and we feel grateful to that woman for being who she is.  We prayed for her and only wished her awakening and relief from any inner pain she may be in due to racial matters.  She gave us the gift of this profound reminder:  NOTHING IS PERSONAL.  She gave me this amazing story and great insight to share with all of you today through this blog.

For those of us ready to gain inner peace and increase our personal power, agreement # 2 is revolutionary.  How might each of us apply it to our lives today?

Watch for opportunities...plenty of them exist.

Choosing not to take anything personal today,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

A Radical Challenge: Let's Eradicate the Comparison Thinking Virus

When a virus emerges that threatens well-being, extreme actions are taken.  Miami, Florida:  Hazmat suits put on.  Pesticides of every type and form sprayed.  Agents going house to house in search of those infected.  Warnings issued by the CDC for pregnant woman to stay far from the infected area. HIGH ALERT!

It's amazing to me that mental viruses aren't seen in a more serious light.  Why wouldn't swift action be taken in one's life if you know a virus has infected your entire being?

Alert, ALERT, ALERT, ALERT--BE ON THE HIGHEST, MOST VIGILANT ALERT POSSIBLE TODAY!

A COMPARISON THINKING VIRUS HAS INFECTED HUMANITY.  

IT ROBS EACH ONE OF US OF VITAL LIFE FORCE.

IT CAUSES US TO WASTE PRECIOUS RESOURCES ON MATERIAL STUFF THAT WILL NEVER SATISFY OUR DEEPER SOUL NEEDS.

My brothers and sisters around the world, I ask for just a few minutes that you take heed of what I say today.  The Comparison Thinking virus is an invisible one but it has infected each of our thinking to such a degree that few of us ever truly feel grateful, happy and like our life can be celebrated.  This virus is typically passed from parents to children and it is never even noticed.  This virus has become the normal state from which humanity lives.

Comparison thinking virus: it is a belief system that tells us we must compare ourselves and our progress and our possessions --every aspect of our lives--to other people and to "fairy tale" standards that the Media portrays through commercials, reality shows, TV and movies.  It is a set of beliefs that has us feeling that no matter how far we have come, how much we have, or what progress we have made--we still just aren't good enough.  It tell us to always be dissatisfied because someone, somewhere has gotten farther along, has more material gain and has in some way out done us.  It tells us we better wake up early, strive harder than ever and keep up with everyone else.  It tells us we aren't good enough just as we are.

Comparison thinking is a sick, twisted way of thinking...when it infects the mind, body and spirit, nothing feels good enough anymore.

Whew.  Just writing those paragraphs exhausted me.  This type of virus drains our energy.  It saps us all day, every day--and most of us don't even realize our brains have been infected.

Let's face it.  The corporations of the world really don't want us to be satisfied with what we have.  If we were, we'd stop so readily handing over the precious, hard earned money we've been sacrificing our life-force to make.

Yet, we, blindly as sheep, take in their masterfully crafted "not good enough" messages:  Your clothes are "last season" and not as nice as other people...your house is not to interior decorator standards...you better spend more to make a picture perfect life or else other people will think you are less than.

REALLY?  When I write it that way, it all seems so obviously ridiculous, doesn't it?  But...

I admit it.  I find this virus still in pockets of my own mind.  Though I've spent the past 13 years revamping my thinking and  eradicating many of the thoughts that warped my mind, just this week, I saw some of this CRAZY THINKING in play.

I found myself feeling bad inside--saying to myself that my house just wasn't clean enough nor "Martha Stewart" enough...that there must be something wrong with me that I can't get my act together like so many other people around me seem to do.  HALT....STOP...WAIT...VIRUS ALERT!

I realized once again, I had bought into some FAIRY TALE idea that I had to have a perfect home.  I started comparing myself to an external standard.  I started looking at what other people had and it created in me a dissatisfaction with the good things I already have.  I have a beautiful place to live.  It is comfortable.  I lack for nothing.  It serves the need it is meant to:  a safe house in which my family can be together and live life as a happy unit.

Whew.  Thankfully I saw it.  I caught it.  I reigned it in.  I got out my microscope and found the source of the thinking that had taken over my brain.  I traced it to it's origin:  those commercials on TV, the pictures in the magazine, and even some of the friends I have who are gifted in interior decoration.  I had started comparing what I had with others and it had sapped my joy and gratitude for the gifts already in my life.

It's sad.  It's sick thinking.  Yet, each of us, to some degree is infected.

There is an antidote for this nasty virus.  Gratitude.  We can choose to see that each day could be a celebration of Life and Possibility.

There are miracles surrounding us, basic ones we all take for granted.

The backdrop of our lives is incredibly miraculous:

• Planets continue to spin in an orderly fashion (check)
• The sun rose again this morning (check)
• My body keeps breathing without me telling it to do anything (check)
• The beauty of nature is all around me (check)
• I ate today (check)
• I drank water today (check)
• I have clothes to put on my body (check)
• I have some people in my life who care about me (check)
• My eyes work.  My ears work.  My hands work.  My legs work. (check)
• I have innate talents to share with the world around me (check)
• There is a deep yearning inside of me guiding me to serve others and allow my life to make a difference (check)

Ok.  You get the point, right?

Life is a precious gift.  Most of us have innumerable gifts in our lives.  Yet, it is too easy to turn our attention away from being grateful for the miracles.  Instead, we judge ourselves and our lives for what we have decided we have not yet become...we have not yet done...we have not yet amassed...we have not yet achieved.

Friends, we must wake up.  We must not fall for the purposefully-built in thinking traps that the World thinks are "normal".  We can wake up to our existence in a totally new way!

We must remember that we aren't taking all this material stuff with us.  We came in naked.  We leave naked.  And, at our funerals, people aren't going to be focused in on the titles, the houses, the external trappings of success.  What is it that will really matter when your journey is complete?  LOVE.  SERVICE TO HUMANITY.  TOUCHING LIVES WITH YOUR AMAZING SPIRIT.

What might happen if each of us begin to put our own hazmat suits on and take this Comparison Thinking Virus head on?  We could begin to spray the antidote of  "Gratitude" in the areas of our minds where comparison has taken over.  

We could stop looking around at others in jealousy and feeling less than because of their progress and instead, we could celebrate their progress and let it point us to a sense of amazing possibilities for our own lives.

We could just focus on enjoying life, doing our best each day and moving forward the best we possibly can with our unique potential.  Yes, we could actually have fun rather than worrying about how our life compares to someone else's life.

We could celebrate every step of our own progress and enjoy every gift we already have.

We could encourage others and affirm them for who they are AS THEY ARE RIGHT NOW.  Isn't that what each of truly yearn for?

Wow, that energizes me.  That excites me.  

Beware of the comparison virus.  Take steps to observe this at play in your mind.  Awareness of the virus is the first step to becoming free from it.  Then, replace this habitual thinking with a new set of thinking will get you on the way to more energy, increased vitality and a sense of awe in wonder for the beauty of life that exists all around you.

Here are some new thoughts that might be of help as you transform the old patterns:

My life is on schedule!

I am enough already.

I am a remarkable creation here for a unique purpose.

I focus on my progress and encourage others to do the same.

I'm inspired by other people's growth.

I have what it takes to live my purpose today--even if it is in small ways for now.

I focus on what is truly important in life....

The material is temporary.  I'm grateful for every material gift already in my life! (spend a few minutes thinking about all the gifts...naming them one by one!)

I invest in inner riches:  peace, joy, love, self-compassion, kindness to others.

I release self-judgment.

I choose to be highly vigilant --to take note of the comparison thinking that my society wants me to buy into.  I opt-out of that way of thinking and instead I feel GOOD about my life.

I choose a set of thoughts that empower me, inspire me and bring the best out of me.

You get the idea...you can write your own positive, inner script.

Let's all work together to eradicate the comparison thinking virus...

Imagine how different life would be without it!

Leave a comment.  I'm interested in what you think about this :)

With a smile and fascination of the new possibilities for humanity, 

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com 

Silence: Deeper Answers Arise From the Space Between Thoughts

It was 2002.  I'd delivered my first baby.  Her name was Maggie.  I was adjusting to life as a working mom.  I had a management position at a division of Tyco International and I was rising up the ladder of corporate success.  To outsiders, it seemed like I had it all.

A few months after baby Maggie arrived, my world crashed around me.  I was told by the best doctors in Philadelphia:  Your daughter might not walk, she might not talk, we have no idea why she is so floppy and weak.

News like this turned my world upside down.  Mild suffering turned to a major breakdown.  I could no longer find solace in outer success.  I lost any desire to get to the next rung of the success ladder.  I had nowhere to turn for answers.

Yet, a whisper came from deep within guiding me to sit in silence.  I had heard about meditation and I had known for several years it was something I was to give a try.  But, I'd gotten busy with my quest for creating the good life and ignored the whisper.

Now, in my deepest pain, I had to find answers.  I had to try something to ease my desperation.

I surrendered.  On my lunch hour at my corporate job, I'd close the door to my office.  I'd sit and breathe deeply as long as I could.  At first, a minute in Silence seemed like an eternity.  But, I would just keep redirecting my attention back to my breath.

Day after day, I kept at it.  I sat opening to peace, seeking to hear new answers from God.  With time and persistence, the space between the fearful thoughts and self-criticism grew.  And in those spaces a new-found experience emerged:  PEACE.  I experienced a deep peace that made no sense in human terms.  As I kept developing my "silence" muscles, a rich calm would envelop my entire being.

I started to experience the peace that passes understanding that I'd been taught as a child--but in a totally new way.  Growing up in church I'd been taught to pray.  I was good at talking to God and I had learned to turn to God all throughout the day.  But for some reason the church had never taught me to sit in Silence and just listen.

Be Still.  KNOW.  I AM GOD.  That verse in the Bible had not been expounded upon.  At least not in the 1000's of messages I'd sat through in chapels at my Christian school and in mid-week and Sunday services I'd attended growing up.

BE STILL.  BE SILENT.  STOP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ALL THE ANSWERS.  LISTEN.

Wow--I had never known the power of simply listening.

All this happened in 2002.  I've spent the past 14 years practicing silence.  I can't imagine life without silence.  I can't imagine life without this deep peace.  I can't imagine life without the remarkable answers that come to me and through me.

I can't imagine trying to figure out all the answers I need through my old ways of thinking...and thinking....and thinking...until smoke came out of my ears. That method of trying to solve all my problems by thinking them through stopped working when my world crashed around me.  There were no answers to why my daughter had been born with a rare disease.  No matter how hard I tried to figure out WHY this had happened, there was just no good explanation.

But, in the Silence, when I opened to hear the Divine Voice...the whispers that would come to me, from beyond me, soothed my Soul.  "It is more well with you, Trish, than you yet realize.  Trust the journey.  This baby is here to bless you and teach you.  This journey with Maggie will be better than you can imagine no matter how hard it feels to you right now.  Trish, the strength you need will come in the moments you need it.  You will be guided to the answers as you sit and listen.  Rest your weary spirit.  Open to Divine help.  You needn't try to do it all on your own when there is a great cloud of witnesses walking the path of life with you.  Awaken to what exists beyond what your eyes can see.  There is far more to Life than what you've been told."

Sitting in silence has become my way of Being.  For those of you who have read my book, followed this blog and enjoyed my social media posts, I must tell you--the words come to me, through me and beyond me.  I am GIVEN what needs to be shared.  And, most of what I share is simply the answers I find for my own journey as I sit in daily silence.

If there is one thing I can encourage you to do today and every day:  practice stillness. Practice silence--even if it is just for a few seconds.  Wherever you are, whenever you can remember, just take a few deep breaths and release the compulsion to figure it all out in your head.  Open your spirit to what is beyond you and within you.  There is a channel of Divine Wisdom that can emerge when we realize that our limited thinking patterns will not give us the deeper, richer, more profound answers to our life experience that we truly yearn for.

Here are a few ways I use to enter the Silence:

1.  I just sit and breathe.  I focus on my breath going in and out.  If thoughts arise, I notice them with a smile and thank them.  Then I turn back to my breath.  I open patiently.  I breathe quietly.  I do so as long as I possibly can.

2.  I have found guided meditations are a great entry point into Divine Silence.  If you google:  "Guided meditations", you will probably find some that allow you a way to be shown a gateway into times of Silence.  Perhaps, start with shorter ones -- 5 to 10 minutes-- and then build up to longer times.

3.  Create a morning ritual that includes a time of being still within.  Over the years I've found that starting my day in silence creates an amazing sense of awe and wonder.  Rather than turning on the TV when I wake up  like I used to do before my daughter was born, I now tune into the Divine News cast that is being broadcast all the time.  I sit in a special spot in my house and simply breathe for awhile.  I relax my entire body, mind and spirit and I open to answers.  I open my journal and I write at the top of the page, "God, what do you need me to know today?"  Then I sit quietly and wait.  Sometimes messages pour into me so fast that I can't keep up with writing them down.  Other times nothing comes to me and I just sit quietly and take in the rich quiet moments.  And sometimes--there are days when tremendous emotion wells up in me and I am guided to heal and release past pain or future worry.  Tears flow out and my inner space gets cleared up for the day ahead.

I'm not an expert.  I'm still learning.  I just felt I should share with you some of the small steps I've taken to improve my daily existence.

Thank God my daughter Maggie arrived when she did.  Her arrival changed the entire trajectory of my life.  I stopped climbing a corporate ladder and instead began the journey of exploring my Higher Calling and discovering my purpose and potential.  Maggie has challenges--her rare disease, Prader Willi Syndrome--is incredibly difficult for her and for our family.  But, she is here for a very important purpose and I know that with God's support, she will reach her full potential and bless the World.  Hey--she is already doing so, isn't she? She's the reason I finally woke up to living my True purpose and sharing these ideas with each of you.

I pray that each of us will continue to explore and open to Divine Answers in the Stillness,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com