I had a classic situation of "getting a button pushed" on Easter Sunday. Someone close to me said something and I found myself becoming defensive. I watched myself as this inner reaction was happening. I could sense an escalation so I walked away, took some deep breaths and gave myself some space.
I looked closely at what was said. I knew it wasn't true but I still felt a deep need to defend myself. Why was I being so defensive? I waited for an answer. Then, I saw something going on beneath the surface.
I had a very sensitive spot inside myself. I felt that I had been putting others before myself and this person was accusing me of making myself a priority and pushing others aside. What! How could they think this way!
I tried to understand why this was getting to me and I realized it was because I was putting my needs aside too much to please others. I was "sacrificing" my needs and wants for others. Because of this I had built up some anger and resentment that got activated when this learning partner accused me of putting myself before other people.
What wonderful clarification comes when we find ourselves getting worked up! I actually have grown to celebrate these discoveries. Rather than looking at the other person as being "wrong," I instead turn within and look at why I am feeling so strongly about what has been said or done. As I do this, I always discover meaningful insights to help me grow.
Here is what I gained from the tough moment: if I am going to help others and accommodate the schedules of other people, I should do so because I want to not because I feel I have to do so. I noticed my old pattern that I have of bottling up the way I really feel to keep peace. If I had been expressing the way I felt all along, I wouldn't have been on the verge of a major eruption!
I love my patterns. I know them well. Yet, they still sometimes find subvert ways of staying in operation. What gives me great joy is that these patterns always do get exposed and brought to my attention so I can take another look and see new opportunities for shifting my thinking and behavior.
Watch when you feel someone has "pushed your buttons." Notice intense emotions like anger, disappointment, frustration, guilt or shame. These emotions are clues that point you to more personal learning.
I trust you will enjoy this week, even the moments that feel stressful. There is beauty even in stress!
To your peace and well-being,
Your Learning Partner,
Patricia Omoqui
No comments:
Post a Comment