Going Deeper in Knowing Next Steps: What is the Mind Without the Heart?

I had the privilege to share an hour of coaching with a colleague.  She coached me the first 25 minutes, then I coached her. 

I love being on the receiving side of coaching.  Coaching is a powerful experience.  And, she provided me the space to get clear on the approach I wanted to take with some of my writing goals.  But for most of the session I was stuck in my head, spinning around and around and putting incredible pressure on myself.  Suddenly I realized, I needed to connect to my heart.  What was it that was really best for me right now?  Was it time to push for completion on the project or, was I to allow the book to emerge in the best time?

When I went into my heart space, the dark clouds of inner pressure suddenly parted.  I knew clearly that this book would be born.  I decided on an approach that fit my current schedule.  I chose to do the work from an energy of joy and peace rather than forcing it to come together.

Funnily enough, as I coached my friend, she was dealing with a similar dynamic.  She had gotten stuck in her head, worried that she had to approach completing some of her professional goals like all the other people around her.   As she verbally expressed the inner conflict, I reminded her of her heart. 

She moved from the mental question of "What SHOULD I do?" to the heart question of, "What do I really desire to do?"  Letting go of the pressure she had been putting on herself to meet up to external expectations brought her back to peace.  She saw the clear set of next steps she really wanted to take.  And, she felt relief.

I've been realizing the power of the heart.  I had grown up learning to figure it all out mentally.  The last few years, however, I began to listen more closely to what I wanted deep down inside myself.  Life has become more of a gentle, loving, compassionate movement forward than a hard-core focused march to achieve.  I still do achieve, but I do so in a much more enjoyable manner.

Notice this week if you find yourself stuck in your head--overthinking things.  Then, go deeper into yourself.  Go down to your heart and your gut.  Listen for whispers of your spirit telling you of what would bring you the most joy on the journey to your vision.

Then, for a little soothing, why not listen to the song Mind vs Heart by Nneka (one of my favorite Nigerian artists):  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKE9j6nmYwE . 

Finally, A New Blog with some Fabulous Ideas to Inspire and Empower You!

Empty space inside.  Clearing out old.  Opening to new.  Contemplation.  Meditation.  Growing awareness.  Living.  Being.  Listening. Noticing. Healing.  Willing to write but no words to be found.

That's the space I've been in as a writer as of late.  Inspiration has flowed in short spurts (thus the Facebook and Twitter posts have flowed), but not in the longer blog spurts.  But, tonight, I just felt compelled to share a few helpful ideas:

1.  You can always choose a positive perspective.  A fabulous way to do so is to ask the following questions:

What good can I see in this situation?

What good can I see in this person?

What good can I find in myself?

These questions bring you toward light and hope, toward grace and goodness.  These questions allow you to experience life in an empowered way. 

You can become good at asking these questions by carrying them in your pocket and reading them regularly (especially in those moments when your mind is tending toward the dark, dreary, negative). 

2.  Taking the time to express the positive you see in others to them is powerful.  It's a technique called Acknowledgment.  You notice good traits another person has.  And, in one easy statement you can say aloud (or in a text), "One thing I know about you is that you are_____________ (good, kind, compassionate, creative, humble, gracious, helpful etc.)." 

Just this past week I shared a struggle I was having with some of my friends.  In the course of the conversation someone acknowledged me saying, "You are an amazing woman."  Those words were like refreshing water in a moment when my spirit was thirsty. 

Why not find some people in your life and reflect to them something positive you see in them?  By doing so, you lift them up.  And, you too will feel the joy of using loving words to encourage them.

3.  Ground yourself in THIS moment.  Yes, you only have to do life one little moment at a time.  Some call it the ever-present NOW.  The whole point is to bring your mind, body and spirit fully to the NOW.  Doing this allows you to more fully enjoy, experience and maximize life. 

Practice this today by taking a deep breath.  Feel your heart beating.  Feel your feet planted firmly on the ground.  Affirm:  I choose to take one moment at a time and savor the experience.  (Doesn't that feel good?)

I bring these ideas to you because I practice them myself--and, for me, they really do work to keep me uplifted, peaceful and flowing in the midst of life's constant surprises and challenges.

Hope you find something you can use in your journey!

With a smile,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com

Out of Your Head!

Last Friday I spent some time at my daughter's camp for "Family Fun Time."  There was food and a talent show.  We all had a nice time and headed home.

My daughter began telling me all about her day.  The tone got darker as she spoke about a little girl she was having some troubles with (let's call the girl Julie to keep her real identity private).  "Mom, Julie just keeps bothering me.  She looks at me funny.  She says mean things.  She follows me around.  I can't stand her.  I don't want to see her on Monday.  It makes me uncomfortable when I am around her. . ."  The stories about Julie went on for about ten minutes.

Finally I said, "Maggie, you can have a few more minutes to say anything else you need to express about Julie. Then, we are going to take Julie out of your head.  It's the weekend.  You won't see Julie.  You don't have to give her so much free space in your head."

So Maggie rambled on for her allotted time.  Then, I said, "Okay, time is up."  I symbolically put my hand on her head.  I said, "Let's say a prayer and ask God to help you with this situation with Julie.  When I finishing praying, I am going to take Julie out of your head."  Maggie laughed.  She thought that was funny.

So we prayed together.  Then, I pretended to crack open her head and I scooped Julie out of her brain.  I opened my window and together we said a "Bye, bye" to Julie for the weekend.

Cool thing is, it worked!  Maggie didn't speak about Julie the entire weekend. . . that is, until Sunday late at night when she began thinking about the week ahead.

Maggie took Julie out of her head for a few days.  The result:  peace of mind.

How many people do you allow to take up space in your head?  Do you give them free rent and free reign to wreak havoc upon your life even when they aren't physically present?

All too often this can happen.

So today, why not give this idea a try -- get the person OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

Yes, symbolically take the person you are upset with out of your head. Create some inner space for healthier, happier thoughts and emotions.  And, then, when you encounter that tough person, be certain that you will find the energy and power to deal with them in that moment.

Wishing you peace,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

What To Do If You Get UNWANTED Guests!

This week I thought I'd share one of my favorite poems with you by this deep-thinking poet named Rumi.  It is a piece that has helped me to become more self-compassionate and self-aware.  It has also reminded me of the value of each experience, of each emotion, of each challenge.  So, enjoy this lovely piece.  And, share your comments after you read it!

Enjoy the week ahead!

Patricia Omoqui

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,

translation by Coleman Barks

Dealing with "Your Angry Boss"

She came to me crying, very distraught and worn thin.  She had this angry, demeaning boss.  She had been working for this boss for many years.  She tried so hard at first to please her.  Yet no matter how hard she worked or how efficient she became, nothing ever seemed to be good enough. 

As the days, weeks and years wore on, she became exhausted.  She dreaded going to work.  She performed at a level to just get by because she didn't feel appreciated or approved of.

Soon, she decided to leave the company.  The nasty boss had become too much.

Any of this sound familiar to a work experience you've had?

Many of us have run into these difficult characters in the workplace.

Yet, most of us live day-in and day-out with an "Inner Angry Boss."  Many of us believe that in order to achieve more in our lives or to feel valuable, we have to become self-critical, self-demeaning and harsh.  But, if any of our friends or family heard what our "Inner Angry Boss" was saying to us, they would be upset--they may even try to step in to stop the awful, de-motivating self-abuse that was going on.

Take time this week.  Observe your inner-boss.  Notice self-judgment.  Become aware of the things you say to yourself about yourself.  Are you being mean or kind?  Are you being harsh or supportive?  Are you offering criticism or approval?  I challenge you to write down your self-talk so you can see it in black and white.

Just as a mean boss at work causes one to feel dis-empowered and unmotivated, so too studies have shown that this kind of self-talk is demotivating and keeps us from producing  positive results in our lives.

Give thought this week to making some space for seeing yourself through eyes of self-compassion.  How might you become kinder to yourself in the way you think this week?  Write down any ideas that come to mind.

"In all the great spiritual traditions, at their heart is tenderness--just to be kind inside, and then everything rights itself. Fear rests. Confusion rests."

Pamela Wilson

"Self-compassion is approaching ourselves, our inner experience with spaciousness, with the quality of allowing which has a quality of gentleness. Instead of our usual tendency to want to get over something, to fix it, to make it go away, the path of compassion is totally different. Compassion allows."

Robert Gonzales

Then, perhaps, you may decide that your "Inner Angry Boss" may need to be fired, or at least demoted to a lesser position (wink).  It is all up to you!  

With my love,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr. 

 www.patriciaomoqui.com

On "My Final Week to Live" and New Vision

I've been contemplating a powerful question, one I came across in a book I've been reading called The Untethered Soul (I'd highly recommend it).  In one of the later chapters the author discusses the power of living with the end in mind.  Each of us are here on Earth temporarily, that we all know.  Yet few of us live knowing that any moment could be our last. 

In fact, the majority of us live each day scrambling to pay bills, building up possessions, striving for higher titles and earning accolades.  We act as if we are going to stay on Earth forever.  But, none of us do.  We each will eventually face death and move into The Beyond.

So, I've been thorougly enjoying the question the author posed:  If you knew this was your final week on Earth, how would you live? 

Wow.  Contemplating this has brought me amazing perspectives.  It has re-awakened in me new vision:  colors seem more vibrant, the air seems more satisfying as I breath it in.  I see my children and my husband in a new light, soaking in each of the joy-filled moments we have together.

Living with the end in mind allows us to connect to our true priorities, to the things we care deeply about.  Thinking of this question has inspired me to focus on what I care about -- my family, my purpose, finishing the books that are inside my heart, and living every moment FULLY ENGAGED rather than worried or distracted by things that mean very little.

It just so happened that last night we spent the evening in Chinatown, Philadelphia.  David and I decided to take the kids out for a special evening and went to our favorite restaurant, Penang's.  As we sat together enjoying a variety of dishes and laughing, I looked over to a table near the door of the restaurant. 

It hit me suddenly:  that was the table where Taiwo Bankole and I had shared a meal when he had visited the USA for the first time last fall.  (Many of you may have read my previous blog about Taiwo's sudden death:  http://harnessyourpower.blogspot.com/2012/12/another-loss-dear-taiwo-bankole-you.html). 

After Taiwo had landed in New York City, he took a bus to Philadelphia.  He called me when he arrived so I came from my work to meet him for a meal.  At that table in Penang's, Taiwo and I shared a cup of hot tea and some food on a very rainy, chilly fall day.  Taiwo was full of life, eager to experience everything possible that Philadelphia and America had to offer.  His eyes glowed with excitement.  His heart and his vision were so big.  I was so happy to see him and spend the next few days and weeks with him.

With the question I was contemplating, it was as if God was reminding me of how real this question is -- any of us could take our last breath today.  Taiwo breathed his last breath in 2012 and he was only in his twenties.  None of us are guaranteed to be here for years and years.  Each of us only have THIS MOMENT, this incredibly vibrant, beautiful, rich moment to experience life. 

So, as you spin on this miraculous planet called Earth and approach this day, I ask you to live with the end in mind.  If the angel of death whispered to you, "This is it...your last week is here...how will you live it?"  How would you respond?  What would you spend this week doing?  Who would you call that hasn't heard from you in awhile?  What experiences would you savor?  What would you pour your energy into?

If you haven't been spending the last 52 weeks in a way that was meaningful to you, why not re-think how you will spend this upcoming one?  Approach it with boldness, passion, determination and purpose.  Live it with joy and care.

Hope this question inspires you as much as it inspired me.

With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Ask the Question, Receive the Answer!

One night, a few weeks ago, I was wrestling with a question, "Should I continue to publish my daily email list, Food For Thought?" 

I've been writing this daily email since 2007.  Lately, I had been feeling that I did not have much more to share.  So, I stopped writing, unsure how I would  move forward.  Deep in my heart remained the question as to whether writing the daily emails was to be a continued part of my purpose.

My greatest joy comes from helping individuals reach their full potential.  That is why I had started the list years ago.  I have been changing and growing.  I find myself expressing my life purpose in new ways.  I no longer felt certain that writing, running and managing the list was the best expression of my purpose.


That night, I woke up at 1 a.m.   The question still burned in my heart.  I was doing some inner wrestling.  Eventually I surrendered and said a prayer, "God, please give me clear direction as to how I should handle this list.  I am willing to do Your will."  I closed my eyes and did some deep breathing.  I soon fell asleep.

Around 2:30 a.m. I woke up again.  My mind was still restless.  I looked at my phone to check the time and noticed an email had come in.  It was an email from one of the readers of the Food For Thought list.  The email asked whether I had stopped writing the list.  The person said for twelve days she had not received the emails and she was concerned.  She encouraged me to please keep writing because the emails were something she had come to depend on for her inspiration and growth. 

Wow. Prayer whispered.  Question asked.  Clear answer received.  It's weeks later and I am still in awe of how I was directed.  I've started writing the list again and have a renewed sense of inspiration and focus.

(To sign up visit www.patriciaomoqui.com .  On the top right of the home page is a yellow box -- put your email in the box if you wish to be on the daily email list.)

I've used this ask questions / receive answers process repeatedly for years.  I get incredible results. When answers are needed, I have learned to pose the question and then rest my mind.  Without fail, an inspired response comes to show me exactly what to say or do.

Why not give the process a try this week?

Write down the questions you have.  Then, verbalize your prayer.  Confidently wait until your answer emerges.  Then, smile when you find the clarity you need.

You may very well be amazed how this process works.  I certainly am :)

"To be able to ask a question clearly is two-thirds of the way to getting it answered."
- John Ruskin

Have a blessed week ahead!
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com