Dealing with "Your Angry Boss"

She came to me crying, very distraught and worn thin.  She had this angry, demeaning boss.  She had been working for this boss for many years.  She tried so hard at first to please her.  Yet no matter how hard she worked or how efficient she became, nothing ever seemed to be good enough. 

As the days, weeks and years wore on, she became exhausted.  She dreaded going to work.  She performed at a level to just get by because she didn't feel appreciated or approved of.

Soon, she decided to leave the company.  The nasty boss had become too much.

Any of this sound familiar to a work experience you've had?

Many of us have run into these difficult characters in the workplace.

Yet, most of us live day-in and day-out with an "Inner Angry Boss."  Many of us believe that in order to achieve more in our lives or to feel valuable, we have to become self-critical, self-demeaning and harsh.  But, if any of our friends or family heard what our "Inner Angry Boss" was saying to us, they would be upset--they may even try to step in to stop the awful, de-motivating self-abuse that was going on.

Take time this week.  Observe your inner-boss.  Notice self-judgment.  Become aware of the things you say to yourself about yourself.  Are you being mean or kind?  Are you being harsh or supportive?  Are you offering criticism or approval?  I challenge you to write down your self-talk so you can see it in black and white.

Just as a mean boss at work causes one to feel dis-empowered and unmotivated, so too studies have shown that this kind of self-talk is demotivating and keeps us from producing  positive results in our lives.

Give thought this week to making some space for seeing yourself through eyes of self-compassion.  How might you become kinder to yourself in the way you think this week?  Write down any ideas that come to mind.

"In all the great spiritual traditions, at their heart is tenderness--just to be kind inside, and then everything rights itself. Fear rests. Confusion rests."

Pamela Wilson

"Self-compassion is approaching ourselves, our inner experience with spaciousness, with the quality of allowing which has a quality of gentleness. Instead of our usual tendency to want to get over something, to fix it, to make it go away, the path of compassion is totally different. Compassion allows."

Robert Gonzales

Then, perhaps, you may decide that your "Inner Angry Boss" may need to be fired, or at least demoted to a lesser position (wink).  It is all up to you!  

With my love,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr. 

 www.patriciaomoqui.com