Teenage Confessions -- Ok, I Admit It, I've Made My Fair Share of Mistakes!

You'd never believe it if I told you. . .

When I was thirteen years old, living in the suburbs of Chicago. . .wow, not sure if I should really tell you this. . .

I was young, curious.  I wanted to try new things.  I want to fit in and be cool so I . . .

Hmm, well, my best friend at the time Carolyn (*name changed to protect identity) had a neighbor friend named Julie.  She was in high school.  We thought she was amazing.  She was a rule-breaker.  She was quite different than the follow-the-rules-Christian-school-girls that we were.  We were fascinated and drawn in.

She introduced us to many things.  Yes, cigarettes were included.  So, Carolyn and I bought a pack for ourselves.  We would sit in her room with window cracked open during the middle of winter and smoke a few.  We also took long walks around the block showing off with a cigarette in our hands and circular puffs of smoke coming from our lips.

Yes, we were in the "in" crowd.  One thing led to another.  We wondered how Julie got such nice clothes, bags and jewelry.  So, she showed us how she went about it. 

First she taught Carolyn.  On a trip to the mall, Julie demonstrated how to take the security tags off of a handbag and then fill it with all the things she wanted to return home with (of course, without paying for a dime of it).

Then, Carolyn showed me the ropes.  So, for months, either Carolyn's parents or mine would drop the two of us besties at the mall to "shop."  Little did our parents know what we were up to.  Each time I returned from the mall, I'd hide the goods in the back of my closet.

Summertime arrived.  And, like every year, I went away to the sleep-over camp sponsored by our Christian youth group.  Each camp day we had a chapel session where a speaker shared ideas from God's word.  Oh, did I feel guilty inside.  I was miserable.  I was unhappy and scared.  I knew what I had been doing was not right.  So, finally, one day, I knew I needed to go forward after the service to ask for prayer and counseling.

I went home feeling a burden had been lifted.

Little did I know that while I was away, my mom decided to clean out my room.  Yes, and she even decided to tidy up my closet.  She was shocked by what she found --makeup, earings, necklaces, purses. . . loads of goods that I had accumulated stealing from area stores.  She immediately called Carolyn's parents.  Carolyn had not gone to camp.  So her parents sat her down and the truth came out.

I arrived home from camp.  From the look on my parent's faces I knew something was wrong.  I got home and they sat me down to talk.  They brought out the piles and piles of stolen goods and asked me what had been going on.  I confessed. They made me go and confess my wrongs to my younger brother to further humble me. 

My parents were too smart. They then made me go back to the stores and give back all the things I had taken.  Talk about having a heart that was going to pound out of my chest.  The stores couldn't prosecute me because I was so young.  So they gave me a stern talking too and told me never to enter their store again.

Why do I bother to confess all this to you?  I decided to air my dirty laundry to let you know that none of us are perfect.  We all have mistakes from our past (and even from our present).  The most important thing is to LEARN and GROW from each and every experience.  Clearly, these teenage issues are long gone, but the lessons I gained from the situation have stayed with me for life.  The errors of my ways have allowed me to relate to young people who are trying so hard to fit in and be cool.

As you enter 2013, why not come to terms with your "mistakes and failures"?  Why not glean the harvest of wisdom these situations offer you?  It's time to own your past and march even stronger and wiser into 2013.

I despise the smell and taste of cigarettes now.  Because of those early mistakes I stayed away from drugs and alcohol as a teenager and young adult.  I was focused and had to take ownership of my actions.  These early mistakes paved the way for the focus and determination I brought to the basketball court as I finished high school.  Nothing would distract me.

Everything we experience is tremendously value IF we learn from it.

So, today, I celebrate your "mistakes" with you because each one is helping to grow you into your potential if you choose to gleen the lessons from it.

Happy New Year,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Own Your Brilliance -- Yes, Shine Bright Like a Diamond!

Just got off the phone with a dear friend.  She and I seem to be learning similar lessons in different forms.  Being a person with an open heart that is full of goodness is a beautiful thing--except, when you share your goodness with those who do not value it.  Some people like to use and abuse what is offered to them.  They are there to leech, to suck you dry and take.  Thus... 

For those of us who have pure intentions and give freely to others, we often have to learn the essential lesson called:

 Discernment. 

Giving to others is a wonderful experience.  Knowing you are in the flow of goodness and that this flow is never-ending and miraculous is incredible.  However, it is important to distinguish who will value this gift and who may trample on it or not even care about what you are offering.  We can learn to be discerning and notice the energy of others.  Then, we can use our gifts with a laser focus to effect tremendous, positive change in our World.

Each of us is created with tremendous brilliance within.  We are each intriniscally valuable and amazing--gifted in ways we haven't yet begun to comprehend.  As we enter 2013, it is essential we begin to wake up to this beauty and sparkle within.  And, we must also learn to value ourselves enough and be discerning enough that we share our gifts with those who are truly open to it.

So, friends, as Rihanna sings it so well, "We are beautiful like diamonds in the sky...Shine bright like a diamond...Shine bright like a daimond...We are beautiful like diamonds in the skye..."

Shine today. Use your gifts wisely.  Open your eyes and ears and be aware.  Choose well when and where you offer the diamond within  you.

Be brilliant as you enter 2013!


With a smile,

Patricia

Shine...TODAY...Shine Bright...NOW is YOUR Time

As I have meditated upon the passing of some very dear friends this past week, I have come to a great deal of personal clarity:  Very little matters...it is only love that matters...today is my day to live with total purpose and passion...today is the day I have to love others with my full attention and focus.

The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary brought that truth even deeper into my heart on Friday.  When I heard the news, more tears streamed down my face.  I could not fathom the deep pain of losing a child.  I have two precious girls of my own and I appreciate them today more than I ever have before.

Life is brief, so very brief, and we do not know what amount of time we will be allotted for our journey.

So, this week, I challenge you to relinquish your fear and nagging self-doubt.  As you close 2012, I encourage you to step more fully into your personal power.   Open to your dreams.  Take your next steps forward to actualize them.  Know that you are full of light and love.  You are a person of amazing value.  Shine that beautiful light you have...Shine...TODAY...Shine Bright...NOW is YOUR Time.

With a simple smile and a hug sent your way,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Another Loss -- Dear Taiwo Bankole, You Inspired Me

Honestly.  I just am in shock.  Sad.  Cried much of today.  I woke up to a BB message from a friend:

"When was the last time you heard from Taiwo?  Is it true?" 

I replied, "Is what true?"

"I'm told he died in a car accident.  I'm trying to reach him.  I don't believe this news.  I won't believe this news," she said.

News confirmed.  Taiwo passed away after being in an accident last night on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway.

WHAT!?!

Taiwo was so happy a few months ago, "Ma, guess what?  They granted me my visa to come to the USA.  I will be visiting you soon."  I smiled.  What an accomplishment.  I was just so delighted for him.

His classic, bright Taiwo Smile...

I met Taiwo several years ago.  As a writer for Vanguard Newspaper's Allure Magazine, I was always searching for ways to showcase positive young people--those who were doing great things to move the nation forward.  And, Taiwo Ogunyemi Bankole was one of those I featured early in my writing (I have pasted the article below).

On one of my next trips to Nigeria he came to visit me in Lagos.  Anytime I would come to Nigeria to speak, Taiwo was sure to visit.  Thus, our close mentor-mentee relationship began to grow. 

Taiwo offered me his heart in the form of the amazing dreams he shared with me.  He was a young man with major vision.  He knew there was a way to touch the lives of young people.  He took action.  He set up summer technology camps in Warri.  He loved Warri and he wanted to see change.  So, he organized the Warri Makeover.  That Taiwo, I was always sure he was up to something positive.

Last year in December he rushed to meet me at the Lagos airport just before I flew to Port Harcourt to speak.  We spent only five minutes together in the airport.  But, each interaction allowed our connection, friendship and trust to deepen.

So, when news came that he got his visa, it was certain he would come and stay with my family in Philadelphia.  He found his way to meet up with me at a Chinese restaurant in Philadelphia.  We ate a good meal, drank tea and then faced the rain and headed to my house.  He was in awe of everything.  The USA had sparked something even grander in Taiwo.  He had started to open to a whole new set of possibilities in his visit.

My Daughters With Taiwo in October, being silly and having fun.  He sure was good at that!

As he left, he was already talking about his next visit.  He was to come visit again in January.  We had just talked at length about his plans. . .we were both excited as we considered the possibilities of how to position him for more growth opportunities.

Then today.  The news came.  He had gone to be with God.  Taiwo is in God's loving arms.  I know he is at peace.  I already miss his smile more than I ever imagined I would. 

Taiwo touched many lives in his short time on Earth.  He was a born leader.  He bubbled positivity.  He had optimism.  He knew he was destined for great things.  He was a determined, dedicated Christian.  He loved his family. 

My prayer is that Taiwo's short life will always be a reminder to me and to those who knew him: 

LIVE YOUR PASSION.  Do things to bring about positive change.  Touch people with your smile and spirit.  Be a leader.  Have no fear. 

Pursue your dreams full throttle and the doors will open for you. 

Only this time, for some reason, God decided to open the doors of heaven to Taiwo. 

I celebrate your life, Taiwo!   I already miss you. 

Love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.


I am copying the original article I wrote on Taiwo for those who care to read it....

The Power of One Who Volunteers


Across the board, the United Nations, National Governments, NGO’s and Non-profit organizations are realizing the essential role that volunteers play in moving communities and nations forward in their development. Consider the words of Kofi Annan, “If our hopes of building a better and safe world are to become more than wishful thinking, we will need the engagement of volunteers more than ever.”

The need for volunteers is urgent. A spirit of selfless service is crucial now to help Nigeria develop and succeed.

What is a volunteer? A volunteer is a person who works without payment for time and services on behalf of others or on a particular cause to promote good. The great news is that ANYONE—yes, anyone willing to offer service—can be a volunteer. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it clearly: “Everyone can be great because anyone can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't even have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. . .You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love . . . .”

Every day we hear plenty of people talk about the need for positive change. We talk about it ourselves. We may have grand visions, yet few step forward to make them a reality.

Meet Ogunyemi Bankole Taiwo. He was born on May 1, 1985, and grew up in Oshodi, Lagos. He studied Chemical and Polymer engineering at Lagos State University. In 2008, his Industrial attachment at the NNPC took Taiwo to Warri. His stay there was life changing. It sparked in him a dream for changing the image of Warri.



In a recent interview, Taiwo told me, “That was when it all started. . . Most people who have heard about Warri view it as one of the most difficult and unsafe regions in the World—known for militancy, kidnapping and gruesome crises. The young people are most especially affected by this image. Hence, when it comes to job interviews and visa applications by indigenes of this region, applicants get disenfranchised and marginalized for fear that they might become rebels. So we came up with a brainstorming session on how we could rebrand the local and international image of Warri. The Warri Makeover was designed and packaged to help rebrand the image of the Warri youths.”

That dream grew. It led to an intense eight months of planning and preparation. It culminated in the Warri Makeover Event held March 25 and 26, 2011.

With great focus, passion and determination, Taiwo and his team of volunteers overcame many obstacles and held a successful event. For his work on the Warri Makeover event, Ogunyemi Bankole Taiwo received Samsung’s Real Dreams Project Award for “The Best Use of Advocacy by Afterschool Development Center.”

Because Taiwo’s story inspired me, I share it with you. My hope is that together we can open our hearts and minds to new possibilities. We can begin to initiate powerful, meaningful transformation in our own communities.



What did it take to put this event together?

Well, it took a large amount of doggedness and passion. It took us our time, money, family, relationships and life being at risk. The first thing we did as an organization was to relay the vision to the local government chairman, Hon. Mofe Edema, who applauded us for coming up with this laudable project. Immediately he pledged his support by endorsing the event. During one of our meetings we initially mapped out during one of our meetings what WARRI MAKEOVER was going to be about: peace keeping and conflict resolution, planting of eco-friendly trees to combat the climate change and painting of public schools to help change the societal look and build a good and beautiful image in the hearts of students. We strategized on what the event would look like, who we would get involved, how many faculties would speak. . .and most importantly, how to raise funds.

Immediately, we started publicizing the event via the social network. We called friends and families to assist us. We visited media houses, wrote letters of invitation to speakers, travelled back and forth to Lagos to source for paint manufacturing firms and request for paint donations.

The Local Government Chairman helped us to Highmark the schools to be painted among the three ethno-geographical districts. . . We knocked on all doors knock-able for fund raising. None opened up, even up to the state level.

What role did volunteers play in this event?

Without the volunteers, much would not have been done. They helped plan the event. They helped with financial resources. They provided their cars for movement around Warri. . They travelled for fund-raising. They had platforms to speak at the school assembly. They helped in publicizing the event and taking care of the management of the online social networks of the event. The volunteers were accessible and also passionate about the vision without being paid a dime.

From your perspective what made the Warri Makeover a great success? What were you able to achieve.

We were able to demonstrate that young people can be synergized in a process to help rebuild the community by doing a social project for free, not like the NYSC where they expect a certificate. We were able to help shape the vision these young students have about beautification and global development via the painting. We were able to reach a communiqué agreement. We were able to help rebrand the image of Warri such that people can see that a new Warri is emerging.

We introduced initiatives and plans like MADE IN WARRI, FORUSBYUS, WAFFY247 (AN USHAIDI KIND OF MOBILE APPLICATION PLATFORM FOCUSED ON KIDNAPPING AND CRISES NEWS which was unveiled during the event).

The event gave us a platform to help re-create our environment and make it sustainable with the planting of trees. We have accomplished the re-birth of a new set of young people passionate about social change. Our goal is that in the next two years, Warri will become a most sought after region globally.

Why do you think people should become volunteers?

People should volunteer because it gives them leverage. I have always volunteered all my life, from the Boys Brigade to becoming a school volunteer at Jets clubs, to becoming a volunteer and a youth leader in school. I volunteered to be in charge of the IT management during one of the trainings I attended at the Afterschool Graduate Development Centre. I became the first trainee by the same firm to be given an internship position. This allowed me to attend conferences. This placed me at the cutting edge to meet great speakers. I built networks with sought after individuals.

Really, I would not be where I am today if not for God via volunteering. Like I tell people, if you need a job in Shell, Chevron, Mobil, or Goldman Sachs, write to them. Tell them that you would like to volunteer without pay to gain work experience. Tell them that if they don’t find you competent enough, they can reject you after one week. Nobody rejects such passion. You may find your way into becoming the MD of a firm one day. Volunteering is a key to social development. Knowing this has made me open a Facebook page tagged “Who Wants To Be a Volunteer?” which currently has more than 80 members.

What place does volunteering have in Nigeria?

Yes. Volunteers can help develop Nigeria. I think Nigerian youths should start looking in this direction to make things happen in their lives. We don’t have to wait for the government to fix things. We can definitely fix things ourselves.

If you have questions about volunteering, consider reaching out to Taiwo on Facebook or create your own path. The fields for volunteering are ripe for harvest. Find one and get to work.

Food For Thought

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

Edmund Everett Hale

©Patricia G. Omoqui, 2011

He Just Turned 40 and is Gone!: Life Goes Fast & Is Fragile!

I have much to reflect on.  It has been a weekend of up and down emotions.  Let me explain.

On a high note, my oldest daughter, Margaret (yes, she has decided she is no longer going to be called Maggie now that she has "grown up"), had her ten year birthday party.  The event was lively with loads of screaming kids playing and splashing in the pool.  Santa even made a guest appearance! 

As I reflect on Margaret's ten years I am in awe that a decade actually seems like a blink of an eye to me. 

How does time go so incredibly fast?  I realize more than ever that I need to savor, cherish, relish in every moment I have with my daughter.  The years we have together before she leaves the nest are less than the years she has already been with me! 

The night before, a friend called me.  She was stunned.  She had gone out with a friend for a meal.  Her friend had just bought a brand new BMW months earlier and the two of them were driving home together. 

They noticed a car coming at a fast speed toward them.  Thankfully the car hit the driver's side wheel (not the door).  The car was totalled instantly.  The two of them emerged from the crash without even a scratch. 

She felt terrible that her friend's car was wrecked.  But, her friend had such a great perspective: "Imagine if I would have had to call your husband to tell him you were hospitalized or even worse, that you had passed away. . . cars are replaceable...be grateful for full health and life."

Tonight I was informed that another friend we had just run into a few days ago passed away unexpectedly.  He had just turned forty years old a few months ago.

Life has many unexpected twists and turns.  You simply do not know what lies ahead.  So, leave the fears aside.  Live fully for today.  Yes, bring your all--your body, mind and spirit--fully into this moment.  Bring your love, your enthusiasm, your passion to the tasks before you.  Share your total presence and attention with those you encounter.  Make your impact.  Be determined to live the full expression of who you are created to be.

Now is the only moment you have.  My ten year old seems to know that as do all her happy, frolicking friends.  They are joyful, full of energy and ready for life.  I aim to be more like them: carefree, joyful and willing to try new things!

Reflect on these simple, yet profound ideas:

"Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee." ~Montaigne

"The other day a man asked me what I thought was the best time of life. "Why," I answered without a thought, "now." ~David Grayson

"Transformation can only take place immediately; the revolution is now, not tomorrow."

 ~Jiddu Krishnamurti

"It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis."

 ~Margaret Bonnano

Go into this week with a spirit of adventure.  Cherish and celebrate your loved ones.  Make special memories.

With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Yes, I Was Given a MAJOR GIFT for Serving Someone! You Won't Believe This Story!

You will never believe what someone gave me simply because I was kind...wow...

But first, let me digress and share a quick story. . .my mom bought my children an interesting present.  They each recieved a package with a bulb, some soil and a pot.  So, we opened them up and followed the instructions:  wet the soil then put the bulb in and patiently wait to see what happens.

So, we waited and waited.  It seemed there was no progress for so many days.  We would wake up eagerly each morning and run to the living room to see if there was any growth.  For many weeks, there wasn't a sign of change.  Then suddenly, one morning, we noticed a green shoot emerging from one of the pots.  But the other pot showed no signs of emergence.

Plant # 1 grew steadily day by day. Plant #2, well, let's just say it kept disappointing us. 

Plant # 1 got taller and stronger.  It was growing by leaps and bounds.  Then, suddenly a tiny bud appeared.

Plant # 2 brought a tiny green shoot.  But, it seemed to stagnate and not get any higher.

Plant # 1 then brought forth a nice flower.  We all celebrated the blossom. 

I questioned whether Plant # 2 would ever grow. 

Then, one day, we woke up and found Plant # 2 had suddenly shot up.  We were all amazed as we had given up on seeing progress.

As Plant #1 finished blooming, Plant #2 grew taller and taller.  In fact, it grew to twice the size of Plant #1. 

Why do I share this growth story?  I do so to encourage you.  Every seed (every person) grows at a different rate and time.  Don't give up on yourself or someone else if you don't see the progress you desire.  No, be patient and BELIEVE.  The plant will grow and the flower will appear in due time.

Now, on to the amazing reward I received!

We have an elderly neighbor.  We will call him Mr. Mike for short.  About a year ago, he fell and broke his hip.  The injury seemed to have aged him five years in a few months time.  But, he has been determined to stay on his feet and stay strong.

One day I saw Mr. Mike.  I asked him how he was doing.  "I'm disgusted," he said.

"Why is that?" I asked with compassion.

"I ran out of white bread and tuna and I have no way to get it."

"Mike, that's not a problem--I'd be happy to run to the store and get it for you tonight."

"You would do that for me?" he said with surprise.

"Yes, I'd be happy to do so.  Please let me know anytime you need something," I assured him.

A few weeks later I saw Mr. Mike and he asked, "Could you get me some medicine?" 

"Sure, I will do so later today," I told him.

I went to deliver his medicine.  Mr. Mike invited me into his place.  It was amazing to see all the artwork.  In his prime, Mr. Mike had been a dedicated painter.  He had paintings from various times in his life and places around the world he had visited. 

I oohed and aaahed as I looked at each one.  Then, I handed Mr. Mike his medicine.

He said, "Wait.  I have something for you!"  Then, he went to the corner of the room and pulled out this vibrantly blue painting. 

"Wow, this is for me?" I inquired.

"Yes, this is a painting of the Rockefeller Mansion.  You deserve a place like this," he said with a smile.

(here is a picture of the mansion so you can visualize it)

Wow.  How symbolic it all is.  Service is my mainstay.  I realized that night that the more I give out, the more joy and bounty I receive.  There is a universal law that ensures that those who give with love never lack.  And, I can see clearly how that has been the case in my life for so many years.

I have the painting hanging by my bedside as a reminder of the blessings I experience as I share simple acts of kindness with the people I encounter.

So, serve this week.  Share your love and kindness and joy.  Lift someone up by offering a smile or lending a hand with a difficult task.

You just never know what good might emerge into your life as you do so.

With a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com