Keep Growing: Observe, Listen, Learn

I am on an interesting journey and I am having a great time. Arrived in Lagos (Nigeria) a week ago.  Headed quickly to Accra (Ghana) to speak at a conference.  Will travel next weekend to Abuja.

I love travel.  It is a stretching experience--from waiting in line for hours getting through immigration to dealing with a taxi driver who wants to charge me twice as much as a local--it is all LEARNING.

I am fascinated by life.  I am in awe of my journey.  And, I desire to keep growing every day.

My desire is to keep my eyes wide open and OBSERVE.  

"What is really going on here?"  I ask myself.  "Why are things the way they currently are?" and

"Is there a way this could get better and develop more?"

As I take my morning walk in Lagos, I notice the trash scattered on the road and wonder, "How could this be cleaned up?"  I see there are plenty of people who want to work.  I see the trash trucks sitting by the side of the road not in use.  The pieces of the puzzle all seem to be there.  I pray and know that there will be a time when it all comes together into a workable solution.

I have been purposefully quiet this past week.  I am doing my best to LISTEN.  Young and old have many experiences to share.  I ask questions to draw out this wisdom.  As I do, I smile.  I have much to gain from the perspectives and ideas others offer.  God brings me the right learning partners at the perfect time. 

Treat each conversation you have as a precious opportunity to develop yourself.  Consider these words of Coach John Wooden, "Others, too have brains.  A leader listens.  Don't act like you're listening when you're just waiting to talk.  People know when you're not hearing what they say.  Sometimes we forget that we're not the only smart person in the room." 

Your challenge this week: 

Be open to learning.  Be ready to grow.  Take off your blinders.  Look at life closely.  Be full of wonder in your day-to-day experiences.  Pray for a fresh perspective.  Be willing to see the world around you from new angles. 

Wishing you a fantastic week of personal development!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Listening...Renewed Focus

I've decided to renew my focus on listening.  I want to be more aware, more present to others.  I see that often the greatest gift I can offer another person is my full attention.  So, with clients, with my family members and with my children -- I am quieting my mind and opening my heart.  I am choosing to engage my listening.

So, in light of all this, I offer a few suggestions that I am practicing this week.


1. Commit to spending at least a minute or two each day in silence. Focus on your breath. Simply notice your mental chatter. Understand the vitality of each thought. You might want to look at them as prowling tigers and appreciate their strength and beauty as they parade across the screen of your mind. Try not to engage them. Simply let them pass. Return your focus to your breath. If you find yourself tempted to play with the tigers, you might be in for a tussle. That’s okay. It’s natural. Just smile and go back to breathing. First practice this silence on your own. Then, when you find yourself in conversation, practice silence again. Quiet your mind and choose to focus on the other person’s words. Let your own thoughts pass by.

2. Observe yourself while in conversation. Are you able to stay focused while someone is talking to you or does your mental activity take over? Just notice. Don’t judge yourself. Become aware of the opportunity you have to grow your listening skills. Set an intention: I desire to become an attentive listener.



3. To increase your self-awareness, do a daily listening review each evening. How many times did you truly listen? How many times were you bored or uneasy? How many times did your mind take over? If your mind took over, where did it go? Here are some possibilities: To your own activities? To the past? To a criticism of the other person? To self-defense? Let this practice of detached self-evaluation help you grow.

I have much practice to do on this topic...and I'm approaching it with a light heart and spirit of adventure.
 
Why not join me?
 
With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Skills for Dealing with People (Children & Adults too)

Happy New Year everyone!

(This is a picture from a few years ago...Maggie and Skye are much bigger now!)

I spent the last week with my children.  I thought I'd share some insights and principles that I am practicing as a parent...hope you find these useful.  I also use these same guidelines when working with other children and adults who look to me for support.


If you don’t have your own children, you can read these ideas substituting the child focus to any person who seeks your love and guidance. You might also consider these ideas as ways you can love and parent yourself.

1. Be fully present. Have you noticed that people are often physically present (the body is there), but mentally absent? Busy parents tend to feel that caring for their children means providing adequate financial support. That’s part of it. However, kids spell love: T-I-M-E. You may have limited time with your children because you work long days. That’s as it is. Make what little time you have with your children quality time by offering them your full attention. When you return home each evening, symbolically choose to drop your bag of concerns outside. Then walk in free to give yourself to the one’s you love. Put away your cell phone, let go of the day’s frustrations and tomorrow’s fears.

Look into their eyes. Study their faces. How are they doing today? Do they seem happy or might there be something bothering them? If you tune in, you will find natural opportunities to support your family emotionally. This type of support is priceless.

Some parents think that they can replace moments together with toys and other material things. There is no substitute for quality time. Remember, “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” (Rev. Jesse Jackson).

Affirm: I am fully present when I interact with others.

2. Listen. Don’t you find it helpful when someone is willing to sit and listen to you tell a story or explain something that’s bothering you? Isn’t it a comfort to know that another person will lend their ear as you express your feelings? Giving undivided attention is a way to show love. When we listen without interrupting or criticizing, we create a safe place for a child. Simply listening with acceptance gives you the wonderful opportunity of getting to know your child more deeply. Doing this creates a bond that children and parents (all human beings) desperately long for. Create trust and openness. Then as children grow, they can keep turning to you rather than their peers for support and guidance.

Affirm: I listen patiently and attentively.

3. Touch and comfort, hold them when needed. Studies have shown that a human beings need for affection is as deep as his need for food, clothing and shelter . Patting the back, stroking the hair, holding a hand while walking—each of these is a way to give a child a sense of connection and security. Hugs that last a few seconds longer than normal warm our hearts and soften our spirits. The Dalai Lama reminds us, “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”

Affirm: I offer loving touches in wise ways.

4. Clarify family values (for your nuclear family and the human family). Come up with a few statements reflecting the character traits you choose to exemplify as a family. Here are the guidelines we use. As members of the Omoqui family, We respect others. We use our words wisely. We are kind. We share what we have. We listen. We are honest. It may be helpful to post this Family Mission Statement in a place where everyone can see it regularly. These are the values you will want to reinforce again and again and again. Of course if you are going to “preach” these guidelines you better be ready to live them. If you are not, don’t worry, your children will begin to remind you. (Mine certainly do!)

Affirm: I clarify and live my values.

5. Remember children are your teachers too! Dealing with my children pushes me to grow as a person. It is challenging to be a parent. Society doesn’t require certification as a prerequisite to parenting. Thus, we learn on the job. Be willing to see your children as learning partners, even teachers. Listen to their words of wisdom and acknowledge them. Applaud their curiosity, their love, and the joy they express. Let it inspire you to find a new found love for life.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent; it is simply impossible. We are human. Sometimes it is important to admit mistakes you make with your children and say you are sorry. This kind of honesty builds trust. As one wise parent said, “Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.” (H. Jackson Brown Jr.) When we learn and grow together, we build wholesome, happy relationships that become richer and more satisfying with time.

Affirm: I honor others as my learning partners. I am willing to grow.

Your assignment for this week is to think of one relationship that is important to you, one that you really want to see grow. Now choose one principle and begin using it regularly in that relationship. Be patient with yourself and the other person. Consistent application of these ideas over time is certain to bring improvement.

I'm doing the same with you!
With Love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: From Judgment to Understanding

The last week I have been observing the hurt and pain that is caused when human beings judge one another. 

The woman being judged is one of the kindest, most accepting people I have met.  Yet, several people in her life have judged her as "inadequate" and "incapable" of achieving her dream.  They don't see the countless hours she is alone in her office working.  They don't know and can't see the growth she has experienced through life's difficulties the past few years.  All they see is that from their perspectitve, she hasn't "made progress" in the way they think she should.

Here is what the woman expressed to me, her words fuelled by anger and said in a frustrated shout, "I don't understand.  I could judge them too.  I could find all their faults and shortcomings.  But I don't do this.  I look for their best.  I know they can change in the areas of their lives where they aren't doing well.  I don't dictate their future by focusing on their past.  I listen to them when they speak and try to understand their concerns.  I offer encouragement rather than judgment.  Why can't they do this for me too?" 

So the story goes -- judgment creates misunderstanding causes pain and hurt, destroys relationships and in the end, does nothing good for anyone involved in the situation.

I sat last night and imagined the situation differently.

What if each person in the situation were willing to expand their point of view, to look at the good in each other?  Couldn't they actively seek to understand their differences of perception?  Wouldn't the variety of cultures and ideas that each person has bring a richness of creativity if they were all able to talk calmly and lovingly to one another?

I know this could be possible.  The key shift needed would be for each person to move from judgment to a desire to understand. 

Instead, there is silence right now from the hurt each person feels.

My suggestion this week is to notice if you are judging people in your life.  Who do you see as inadequate?  Who do you think just isn't doing well enough?  Who has shortcomings?  Write the names of the people that have come to mind down on paper. 

For each of the people you have listed, answer this question, "What good can I find in this person?  In what ways is this person a fantastic human being?"  Jot your answers down.  Notice that you can find good anywhere you choose to.  The focus you have is always a choice.

Let's create a world where we offer understanding rather than harsh judgment.
After all, isn't that what you desire to receive from others in your life.
Give to others that which you long to receive.

With understanding,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Observe Communication

Ever since I was a little child I have been a take-charge leader. My mom has told me (and I do remember these days as a 3 and 4 year old) that I would get all the kids in the neighborhood together, organize them and set the course for the games for the day. Pretty amusing how we are born with certain innate gifts and tendencies. But, our greatest strengths can also be our greatest challenges.

The past few years I've been practicing stepping back and allowing others to take the lead. I'm getting better at it. It feels good to follow and participate.

Even harder for me has been to not step up to lead things when nobody else is willing to do it. Usually if there is a need for someone to lead, I'd jump right on it. Now,instead, I trust that the right leader will show up at the right time so that I don't' overload myself with responsibility like I used to.

Life is learning. I'm also closely observing my communication (verbal and non-verbal) with others -- family, friends, clients and strangers. I've been reading some excellent books the past few weeks about listening so I figured I'd check myself out to see how I measure up in the listening skills area.

I'm noticing opportunities for improvement. How often do I really allow someone to fully finish what they are saying before I jump in and give my thoughts? I invite you to observe yourself -- see if you allow there to be a moment of quiet before you respond to another person. Do you really allow them to say all they need to say before offering your own thoughts?

I have also been checking out whether I am preoccupied with my own thinking while another person is talking. Am I planning my response or am I really listening to what they have to say? It's wonderful self-learning to become aware of this.

Another aspect of communication I've been monitoring is the way I say things to other. I have always been a direct person. I speak my truth freely to others. Situations I've experienced with people close to me this year showed me that I can learn more finesse and become more gentle in sharing my viewpoints. I'm working on this!

We all have room to improve our communication skills, don't we? It starts with becoming aware. It would be interesting if we could watch a video of a few days of our lives. It would be fascinating, maybe even painful, to see how we come across to others in what we say and do.

The challenge I offer to all of us this week is to observe ourselves closely. (You could even seek feedback from people around you, soliciting their observations. Beware if you do. Don't be defensive if you ask for their perspectives. The truth can be tough to take.)

At the least, take time to notice yourself in conversations with others. What are you saying? How are you saying it? Are you interrupting them mid-sentence? Do you finish their sentence assuming you know what they want to say? Are you harsh in your words and tone? Could you be more gentle and kind in sharing from your heart?

I love life. There are constant opportunities for introspection, growth and personal expansion.

I'm joining you in this challenge. Actually, I've been doing this observation constantly for the past few days. I am letting people close to me know that I'm practicing communication skills. I want to get better and better, to be able to show love more fully through what I say and what I do.

By learning better communication skills I will be more capable at developing deeper, more loving, trusting relationships. That is most certainly what I desire! Don't you?

Learning and growing with you,

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Silence & Listening

I spent this entire week looking inside myself, learning and growing. I was reminded through some interactions with people close to me, that I want to improve my listening skills. A few days before these conversations occurred, I had picked up a book at the library called, "The Sacred Art of Listening." How is it that I always have the books I need right at hand? I'm so grateful for the way the Universe is always at work, supporting and preparing me even when I don't know what I need!

In this helpful book, I was reminded of the importance of practicing personal silence. Quieting our minds opens up space for us to BE more of ourselves. It is also an important practice in relation to listening. If our minds are uncontrolled when we are by ourselves, the mind's activity will inevitably pick up its pace when we are interacting with others. Then, when we find ourselves in intense conversations where we hold differing viewpoints with others, the mental speed ramps up another notch entirely!

Practicing silence helps us to see that we can be in control of our minds rather than having our minds in control of us. We are able to slow down the thinking mechanism and open up space in our head and our heart when we do this. Then, during our daily life, we can use silence "on-demand" to get back to peace. I often spend moments breathing each day to calm myself and regain perspective. The same can be true for using silence in the time we spend with others.

To truly listen to another person, we must be able to slow our minds down. If not, we will be thinking of our to-do list, past history we've had with the other person or the next thing we want to say to them rather than deeply hearing them. If our minds are quiet, we can graciously accept their words and take them in. Rather than jumping into a barrage of comebacks, we can sit and consider their perspectives. Then, after a few moments of quiet, we can respond lovingly to what they say.

Imagine if only 1% more people in the World practiced this! There would be less conflict and love would grow. We all desire to be heard. So, let's take time this week to work on our listening skills. I'd recommend that each day for the upcoming week you spend at least 2 minutes in silence focused on your breath. See if you can get your mental chatter to slow down a bit. Fill your lungs with breath and shift your own energy. Practice this on your own first. Then, if you find yourself in an intense conversation with another person, practice it again. Quiet your mind and practice moving your thoughts out of the way so you can receive what they are communicating to you.

Let me know how this goes! Let's be the change we want to see in the World. Let's reduce the conflict in our lives so that we reduce the conflict in the World at large.

On a side-note, please check out my updated website. It is full of wonderful resources to support you in your personal growth and well-being. My only desire in life is that more and more people see that they can move beyond suffering and become truly peaceful and happy inside.

A big hug,

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Tap Into Nature

I just finished a walk at a beautiful park in the area. I find it so refreshing to get outside and breathe fresh air. I feel thankful for the cool, gentle breeze coupled with the warm summer air. Being in nature has a way of lifting my spirit.

The past year I've used a technique as I walk to focus my mind and not allow it to wander to my to-do list or to worries. I spend at least 10 minutes while I walk creating positive affirmations about who I am as a person, what I create with my life and the impact I have on the World around me. I call this "Walking in Joy." It's fantastic what this little exercise can do. Even if I find my mood low to start my walk, by the time I've complete these affirmations I feel better.

If for some reason I'm unable to get into "affirmation mode," then instead I will do a "Focus on Gratitude." This is a bit simpler. I just begin to list anything and everything that I can be grateful for. This is a great technique to use while on the treadmill or in other locations such as -- in the car as you drive, as you lay in bed in the morning, while you take your shower, or as you drink your coffee.

I also use my nature walks as a way to hone my observation skills. Today, for instance, I tuned my ears into the crickets chirping, the corn husks brushing against each other and the birds singing. Such wonderful, melodious sounds there are! I also noticed the thump, thump, thump of my own footsteps as I walked along. I used my eyes to enjoy fluttering butterflies, soaring hawks, fluffy clouds, vibrant wildflowers, and last but not least a chubby groundhog.

Isn't life rich and amazing? When we are able to get out of the chitter-chatter of our minds and become more present with the wonders life has to offer us, we feel uplifted by the gifts of the Universe.

Take time this week to tap into nature. You don't need any money in your bank account to enjoy the vast resources the Universe makes available to you at no cost! It just takes a bit of effort on your part to move out of your comfort zone so you can go and experience more of the World around you.

In awe of life,
Patricia Omoqui
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Actively Listen for Guidance

The more often I am able to quiet the chatter in my mind, the more often I am able to hear clear guidance. This guidance comes in many forms -- from books that I am drawn to, to the lyrics of songs on the radio and to the words of the people I encounter each day.

Last week when I was in my yoga class the teacher, whether she knew it or not, was saying the exact words I needed to hear. As we got started she reminded us to, "Relax. Feel your inner energy." I closed my eyes. I used my inner sense to feel my energy level.

We eased into the class with stretches and poses that were gentle. As our bodies got warm, she led us through more challenging poses. It was hard! She encouraged us, "Have patience. Be balanced." I listened. I held the positions longer than I thought possible. "Connect to your breath right now," she told us. Again, I followed her instruction and my breath gave my body the support it needed.

As the class continued she told the whole class, "Stretch and expand. One little stretch more each week will help you be more flexible." Yes! I wanted to stretch and expand -- and, in fact, that is what I am always encouraging audiences and life-coaching clients to do.

I love the fact that the Universe is actively coaching and mentoring us. These helpful pieces of advice and encouragement abound when we actively listen for guidance.
I have slowed down my life and my mind to a point that I take notice of so much more than I used to. I used to be moving at a frantic mental and physical pace so I rarely would notice billboards, facial expressions, or pay attention to the details of my experiences. Now that I do, I am AMAZED. The guidance I receive all day long in various forms keeps me laughing.

I believe the Universe has a great sense of humor. We could be laughing all the time if we were able to lighten up, quiet our minds and take notice of the intricate interweaving that occurs all around us.

This evening my children and I went to Ikea. After shopping we sat in the little cafe area and had some ice cream. At the table next to us were 3 children under the age of 4. They were hilarious. The middle child, a little girl, was sitting in her stroller eating a big cup of ice cream. She was smiling and laughing. She kept saying something to me. Though I couldn't understand her exact words, I could tell that her energy was joyful. I said to her, "Ice cream is a taste of Heaven, isn't it?" She giggled in reply.

By slowing down and breathing I see, taste, hear, smell and touch my life experience in glorious ways. I truly believe that there is more Heaven available on Earth than we can comprehend.

I am thankful that I taste more of Heaven each day!

Take the time to quiet your mind this week. Meditate. At least breathe deeply for five minutes even if you can't calm your thoughts. Walk more slowly. Take time to look in the eyes of people you pass on the street. Look at the billboards you drive by with new eyes. Notice license plates. Listen more closely to the lyrics of the songs you hear while you are shopping or driving.

Messages from the Universe abound. All it takes is to actively listen for the guidance your heart desires.

May your week be full of amazing signs....

I'd love to hear from you if you can relate to this blog.

Enjoying glimpses of Heaven on Earth,

Trish Omoqui
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Notice the Signs

This Thursday morning on our daily drive to daycare, my youngest daughter, Skye, (her 3rd birthday is in April) reminded me of a very important truth. Every time we passed a street sign of any size, shape or color she would yell, in her sweet 2-year old voice, "Mom, another sign!"

What shocked me is that once she got started, she was telling me every few seconds that there was another sign. This continued for the 30 minutes we drove to daycare. I never realized just how many signs there are all around us.

In Skye's class at daycare they take kids for walks outside. As they walk along they look for all the signs. The signs are a tool to teach the kids about colors, letters and traffic. Little did the teachers at daycare know that as they taught my daughter about signs, she would in turn teach me and I would in turn teach you!

I couldn't help but smile as Skye kept yelling about the signs. I know very clearly that I am given signs from the Universe all the time. The signs are both internal and external.

For example, the other day while sitting in a local coffee shop, I kept having a repeated thought, "Talk to the guy at the next table." Finally I listened to my intuition. To my surprise, there was a tremendous amount that we had in common -- we shared connection and enthusiasm about sports. He is going to be traveling to my favorite country in the World this year (to a country where I've spent quite a bit of time) -- to Brazil, so I provided him with helpful information.

I followed the inner sign and met someone amazing. You just never know what might come out of a contact like that!

We receive inner signs all the time. Most of us are unable to hear the signs because we are so engrossed in the daily drama of our lives. By learning to quiet our minds and to slow down the pace of our lives, we actually save ourselves a lot of time and energy. When we hear the inner urges we are able to take the easy path to our dreams. We are also able to avoid difficult situations when we follow the intuitive feelings of uneasiness that alert us to potential pitfalls and dangers on our paths.

There are also external signs all around us in our World. I love these signs -- they are often profound. About 8 months ago I decided to do a fast to cleanse myself. For 4 days I did the "Lemonade Cleanse." It was a time of focus and refreshment for me. As I finished the fast, I was HUNGRY and ready to gobble down some food. The day I stopped the fast I left the house to do some errands. Can you believe that one of the first license plates I saw that day said, "EAT SLOW!" Now, what is the likelihood of coming across a license plate like at all-- let alone the day that you are about to break a fast. I thanked the Universe for the sign and followed the direction.

When we open our minds to experience these signs, it is amazing what can happen. I started a Circle of Abundance group recently. The group's focus is on helping people to learn to overcome their financial blocks and beliefs so that they can begin experiencing greater levels of financial abundance. After our first group session I gave each person a set of affirmations to assist them in opening their minds to new ways of looking at money. This week one of the participants emailed me and told me a wonderful story. She said that she began saying the affirmations, "Money comes to me in miraculous ways." As she said this to herself, she started to think -- that's ridiculous, that can't happen. But, she stopped herself and decided that she would give the ideas a chance. The next day when she got out of her car she found a $10 bill on the ground. Money did appear in her life in unexpected ways! What a beautiful sign from the Universe to encourage her to learn new ways to look at money.

If you aren't looking for the signs, you won't see them. As you begin to look for them, beware -- you may see more than you even though could possibly exist! That's how I felt as we drove to daycare and I began to see that there are hundreds if not thousands of street signs between my house and the daycare.

Ask for signs and you shall receive. Open your eyes and you shall see. Open your ears and you shall hear. Enjoy the comforting signs the Universe provides you for your journey. When you feel lost and you need direction, quiet your mind. Ask for help. Then, go about your business and trust that you are going to get all the signs (internal and external) that you need to create a beautiful life experience.

Life is easy. Life is much easier than we allow it to be. Slow down this week. Quiet your heart and mind. Relax. Trust. Surrender to the flow of life. Don't fight what is. Stay in the moment so fully that you notice all the signs the Universe provides you.

You will be glad you did!

With much joy and a great big smile,

Trish Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/