Harness Your Power: From Judgment to Understanding

The last week I have been observing the hurt and pain that is caused when human beings judge one another. 

The woman being judged is one of the kindest, most accepting people I have met.  Yet, several people in her life have judged her as "inadequate" and "incapable" of achieving her dream.  They don't see the countless hours she is alone in her office working.  They don't know and can't see the growth she has experienced through life's difficulties the past few years.  All they see is that from their perspectitve, she hasn't "made progress" in the way they think she should.

Here is what the woman expressed to me, her words fuelled by anger and said in a frustrated shout, "I don't understand.  I could judge them too.  I could find all their faults and shortcomings.  But I don't do this.  I look for their best.  I know they can change in the areas of their lives where they aren't doing well.  I don't dictate their future by focusing on their past.  I listen to them when they speak and try to understand their concerns.  I offer encouragement rather than judgment.  Why can't they do this for me too?" 

So the story goes -- judgment creates misunderstanding causes pain and hurt, destroys relationships and in the end, does nothing good for anyone involved in the situation.

I sat last night and imagined the situation differently.

What if each person in the situation were willing to expand their point of view, to look at the good in each other?  Couldn't they actively seek to understand their differences of perception?  Wouldn't the variety of cultures and ideas that each person has bring a richness of creativity if they were all able to talk calmly and lovingly to one another?

I know this could be possible.  The key shift needed would be for each person to move from judgment to a desire to understand. 

Instead, there is silence right now from the hurt each person feels.

My suggestion this week is to notice if you are judging people in your life.  Who do you see as inadequate?  Who do you think just isn't doing well enough?  Who has shortcomings?  Write the names of the people that have come to mind down on paper. 

For each of the people you have listed, answer this question, "What good can I find in this person?  In what ways is this person a fantastic human being?"  Jot your answers down.  Notice that you can find good anywhere you choose to.  The focus you have is always a choice.

Let's create a world where we offer understanding rather than harsh judgment.
After all, isn't that what you desire to receive from others in your life.
Give to others that which you long to receive.

With understanding,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Transform Self-Doubt

You walk into a room.  You start to think, "Do I fit in here?  My clothes aren't as nice as hers.  My handbag and shoes are last season.  I wonder if they think I'm fat.  I feel so out of place here."

You put on your smile and start interacting with the other guests.  The voice in your head keeps chattering, "This person seems so accomplished.  They seems important and well-connected.  I don't measure up.  I wonder what they think of me.  Oh no.  What I said didn't make any sense.  Why can't I do better at having these conversations?"

Self-critical thinking can sabotage us.  It keeps us from being relaxed and at ease.   It hinders us from enjoying each moment of life.  It gets in the way of a bold, confident approach to conversations. 

I know about this kind of thinking because I have moments of it myself.  I've studied my own self-critical thought patterns for several years now.  As I observed my mind closely, I saw that I was my own worst enemy.  I was harder on myself than anybody else.  In fact, I'd never say to others the type of harsh judgmental words I would say to myself.  I've learned that this type of thinking need not control me.

When my mind starts down these negative paths, I stop.  I take a few deep breaths.  I then refocus my mind on the wonderful, unique aspects of who I am:  "I am a woman full of courage and love.  I have gifts and talents, unique ones.  I embrace and love myself for who I am. I stand tall and confident.  I love learning and growing.  I relax and choose to focus my mind on the good in myself and in others.  I am here on Earth for a reason."

That new thinking energizes me.  It ignites my inner light.  It clears away the clouds of comparison with others so I can really listen to another person when I am having a conversation.  I become more effective when I love and affirm myself.

This week I offer you a challenge.  Take a day and observe your mind.  Pay particular attention to the self-talk you have.  What do you say about yourself?  Are you critical?  Write down any negative or judgmental things you have thought about yourself.  Become aware of how often you "beat yourself up" in your mind. 

Now, take your list of thoughts and transform them one by one.  Consider the question, "What good can I see in myself?  What gifts do I have to offer?  What are all the great things about myself?"  Write down as many empowered, positive statements as you can.  If you can't think of any, seek some help from a trusted, loving friend. 

We are each amazing people.
We become more remarkable as we honor ourselves in our thoughts.

Seeing the best in me and seeing the best in you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: See the Inner Light

I am practicing something these days that I wanted to share with you. When someone is disagreeable, mean, outrageous or nasty towards me, I am practicing silence. I simply watch the scene playing out before me. In difficult encounters it is much better for me to observe the scenario as an outsider peeking in rather than as a person taking the offense in a personal way and joining the drama.

When I don't allow my "buttons" to get pushed, I can calmly look into the eyes of the other person and see their inner light. Yes, the beautiful glow is there even when a person is in an angry rage, throwing a fit or a temper tantrum.

In fact, when I am watching I feel deep compassion for the individual. I realize now that they are in deep pain or fear to be acting in this way towards me or someone close to me.

I've made so much progress. I used to be "Miss Defensive." I would take too many comments each day as a personal offense. This would drain my energy. In needing to show myself "right" I would defend (or should I say attack) in return. As Byron Katie (www.thework.com ) says, "Defense is the first act of war." I would engage in far too much verbal combat with others.

The more I began to identify and heal the inner wounds I had, the more I realized that what people were saying was not personal to me. In fact, they were projecting onto me what they were experiencing inside themselves. What a revelation!

The challenge I offer you this week is to do your best to be silent in situations where you would normally get into a nasty exchange of words. Instead, listen and watch. If you can keep silent for just a few moments, you might even be able to take a peek into the eyes of the person who is talking (or yelling) at you. Look closely. See the light. Focus on the light. What good can you find in them even in that moment?

Do your best to not defend. Instead, just listen quietly. When they are done their verbal tirade, (yes, at some point they will have to stop talking), you can just say, "Thank you for telling me how you feel. I will consider what you said." That's it. No defense needed.

If this seems like a stretch for you, then visualize yourself doing this. The more you practice inside your mind, the more likely you will be able to do this in the heat of the moment.

Let's increase peace in our lives this week!

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomqoui.com/

Harness Your Power: Get Some Rest!

After several non-stop weeks of activity, work and preparation for the holidays, I found myself exhausted. As one of my life coaching clients says, "My demons come out when I'm tired." That's true for me. Exhaustion comes in the form of a tired body and volatile emotions. You can ask my husband, I'm the type to cry when I'm at my low point. Early in my marriage it would upset him but now he understands that it's just how I get when I'm overtired. My warning signs emerged and I knew it was time to stop.

I have gotten a lot of rest the last week. It feels sooooooooo good to sleep or even to sit (or lie down) quietly and just breathe. When I put my kids down for a nap, I put myself down for one too. Sleep is essential to our well-being. Yet, many of us feel it is more important to be busy working (whether on professional work or housework) than it is to fill our tanks with energy.

I am determined to start the New Year in good form. I noticed that not only was I tired, I found myself mentally busy. I am usually very good about slowing down my mind and taking time for meditation. Yet, as I got really busy in December, my mind got into overdrive too. It has been refreshing to quiet my mind and move into my heart. By releasing the mental racing, I find myself clearer both mentally and emotionally.

I am also planning to give my body a break by doing a short fast. I want to clean out my internal systems. Our bodies are machines that need our care. If we don't ever do an "oil change" or "spark plug change" how can we expect to be in optimal working condition?

So, if you aren't feeling as well as you could, please take some time to rest. As you rest, listen to your bodies signals -- is your neck tense? Do you feel sharp or nagging pains anywhere? Are you stopped up, unable to release the waste that needs to flow out? (Sorry to those of you who find that topic disgusting...) Notice what your body is saying. Then, take action to give your body rest, good food, and plenty of love.

I am ready for a vibrant, adventurous 2009. Are you? I'm seeing that my main priority is to stay fully focused in each present moment of life. The more present I am the more I can sense my inner wisdom.

A big hug to each of you!

Take care of yourself as you enter 2009!

Patricia Omoqui

www.patriciaomoqui.com