Harness Your Power: Observe Communication

Ever since I was a little child I have been a take-charge leader. My mom has told me (and I do remember these days as a 3 and 4 year old) that I would get all the kids in the neighborhood together, organize them and set the course for the games for the day. Pretty amusing how we are born with certain innate gifts and tendencies. But, our greatest strengths can also be our greatest challenges.

The past few years I've been practicing stepping back and allowing others to take the lead. I'm getting better at it. It feels good to follow and participate.

Even harder for me has been to not step up to lead things when nobody else is willing to do it. Usually if there is a need for someone to lead, I'd jump right on it. Now,instead, I trust that the right leader will show up at the right time so that I don't' overload myself with responsibility like I used to.

Life is learning. I'm also closely observing my communication (verbal and non-verbal) with others -- family, friends, clients and strangers. I've been reading some excellent books the past few weeks about listening so I figured I'd check myself out to see how I measure up in the listening skills area.

I'm noticing opportunities for improvement. How often do I really allow someone to fully finish what they are saying before I jump in and give my thoughts? I invite you to observe yourself -- see if you allow there to be a moment of quiet before you respond to another person. Do you really allow them to say all they need to say before offering your own thoughts?

I have also been checking out whether I am preoccupied with my own thinking while another person is talking. Am I planning my response or am I really listening to what they have to say? It's wonderful self-learning to become aware of this.

Another aspect of communication I've been monitoring is the way I say things to other. I have always been a direct person. I speak my truth freely to others. Situations I've experienced with people close to me this year showed me that I can learn more finesse and become more gentle in sharing my viewpoints. I'm working on this!

We all have room to improve our communication skills, don't we? It starts with becoming aware. It would be interesting if we could watch a video of a few days of our lives. It would be fascinating, maybe even painful, to see how we come across to others in what we say and do.

The challenge I offer to all of us this week is to observe ourselves closely. (You could even seek feedback from people around you, soliciting their observations. Beware if you do. Don't be defensive if you ask for their perspectives. The truth can be tough to take.)

At the least, take time to notice yourself in conversations with others. What are you saying? How are you saying it? Are you interrupting them mid-sentence? Do you finish their sentence assuming you know what they want to say? Are you harsh in your words and tone? Could you be more gentle and kind in sharing from your heart?

I love life. There are constant opportunities for introspection, growth and personal expansion.

I'm joining you in this challenge. Actually, I've been doing this observation constantly for the past few days. I am letting people close to me know that I'm practicing communication skills. I want to get better and better, to be able to show love more fully through what I say and what I do.

By learning better communication skills I will be more capable at developing deeper, more loving, trusting relationships. That is most certainly what I desire! Don't you?

Learning and growing with you,

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Using Silence More

An insight that I gained this week is that silence is a powerful tool and it can be used in many ways, shapes and forms. Sitting in silence and meditating on a daily basis helps to calm the mind and connect to inner peace and wisdom. Silence can also be used more powerfully in our communication.

When we are in a conversation and don't know exactly how to respond, what do we often do? We talk and talk rather than just sitting quietly. Quiet moments feel awkward to us so we fill them with chit chat. What if instead we were simply quiet when we didn't have an answer to another person's accusation or question? Might it be possible that a few seconds of silence might allow for clarity and deep insight to emerge?

Many times as we express our truth to others we talk for long periods of time. Wouldn't it be more powerful if we expressed a need, want or opinion succinctly and then let a period of silence open up. Giving the other person in the conversation a moment to sit with what was just said and to gather their thoughts and give a response is a very powerful approach. Most of the time we will state our truth and then give a variety of reasons to support and defend what we are saying. More words actually create less power. A few words with silence following them creates a statement with deep impact.

Watch your patterns in communication this week. Notice how often you try to fill silent moments with words because of inner discomfort. Silent moments are beautiful and multi-dimensional. They are fantastic and significant once you get the hang of them.

I also am becoming aware of the power of silence in parenting. So often we react and give our children a piece of our minds. What if instead of lecturing we stated how we felt or what we wanted and then allowed for quiet? Or, what if as we saw a tantrum coming on, rather than trying to control it, we just sat quietly and watched it unfold before us. Silence in parenting can bring about dramatic shifts in dynamics.

I write all this because of my own new awareness. I share from my heart and give you ideas of ways that I am learning to approach situations. If your current approach isn't working, producing the peace, joy and hope you want to experience, why not try something new?

That's where I am at. I want to facilitate poignant, loving moments in all of my relationships.

May your week be filled with more silent moments and clarity,

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/