The Clues Are There - Find them and Your Purpose becomes Clear!

As I was doing the "Happy Heart Memory" exercise that I introduced in my last blog, something amazing happened!  I came across old pictures, awards and my treasure chest of journals I had written from my teenage years to present day.

For the past few weeks I have been strolling down memory lane, remembering the journey to where I am today and taking stock of who I have become. 

What I found quite fascinating is that at the core, I have always been clear on who I am and what I am made for.

Here is a peek into one of my journals (try to guess how many years ago I wrote this):


"A sense of excitement about living overwhelms me now. It’s as if the clouds I’ve been living under have finally broken and the warmth of the sunshine pours from heaven. This last week especially, I sense an inner peace and a renewed joy in myself. It makes me frantic. Thoughts and ideas rush into my head throughout the day and disturb my sleep at night.


Possibilities in life: Endless


Opportunities: Bombard Me


Appetite to know people: Insatiable


Experimenting: just initiated

This Writer’s conference is just what I needed. Not only has it provided me with the facts I need for writing a book proposal for mom, but it has also exposed me to new ideas and writing and researching—two things that I love.


I’d like to combine my love for learning about people and being involved deeply with their lives with my adventurous side of exploration and travel. I believe that all of these strengths, talents and desires can fit together into an “occupation” or career. I feel as if God is weaving it all together. . .


I feel as if I’m getting a better understanding of HOW I want to live. I am endeavouring to simplify my life and get rid of material excess. . ..


God, I am your creation. Continue to fashion me in your image.

I want my job to be fulfilling. I am fortunate to have come across some types of work that I do find enjoyable. I know I am a gifted teacher (one that needs more training and development). I am a motivator and enabler (I can see into people’s hearts and help them find their passions and then figure a way to go after them.) I like to do some organizing. I am an ideas person—my mind always comes up with new ways to do things, ways to improve on old methods or adapt to new problems."

That dates back to June 7, 1997, when I was a professional basketball player in England. 

I actually laughed when I read it!  I have written similar words in my journals this past year! 

I have always been drawn to helping others, to writing, to speaking, to inspiring and motivating.  That is who I was as a teenager, as a young adult--the clues of my purpose had always been there for me.

I am sharing my intimate journal writing with you for one reason: 

to encourage you to look deep inside yourself, to glance back at yourself over the years.  The clues of what makes you tick, what gets you excited about life are there IF you take the time to look for them.

Here is one of the exercises from my book, Clarify Your Purpose and Live It.  I challenge you to take time this week to write out your answers to these questions:

Begin to Dream Again

This exercise will help you become even clearer about the fulfilling experiences you want to welcome into your life. Be lighthearted as you answer these questions. In fact, let the voice of your Inner Child guide you to a deeper understanding of your desires.

1. Rediscover what brings you joy. Think back to who you were at ages 5, 10 and 15. (If you cannot remember, ask your parents or others who knew you at those points in your life.) Answer these questions to trigger memories of your personal passions and aptitudes.

a. What were your favorite subjects in school?

b. What activities couldn’t you get enough of?

c. What made your heart beat faster?

d. What dominated your thinking?

2. Using any insights you have gained, answer the following question, “If I could do ANYTHING, absolutely ANYTHING, I wanted to do in each area of my life, what would it be?”

Pour your answers out on paper. Start with words. Unleash your creativity. Engage all your senses. Think in bright colors. You can even use crayons, colored pencils and paints. Draw pictures or symbols of your desires. Try to see, hear, taste, smell, and touch your dream. Let your body experience the emotions that would come from living your dreams.

The clues to what will give you joy, satisfaction and success may be more obvious than you realize.  As I look back, mine sure were!

In case you would like to read my book in it's entirety, here is the link to purchase it on Amazon:  Clarify Your Purpose and Live It!

I also want you to know I coach people regularly on finding their life's purpose.  So, I'm here if you need me!  Drop me an email if you'd like to sign up as a client:  info@patriciaomoqui.com

With my love and joy,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

A New Daily Practice: Happy Heart Memories

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. ~J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922

A friend of mine suggested I try something new.  She said, "Try today to focus on one happy memory.  Re-live it in detail.  Feel the goodness in it.  Let it fill up your heart with joy and delight."

I thought that would be an easy task for me.  It wasn't.  In fact, I learned a tremendous amount about my next area of growth by attempting this exercise.

I grew up in a serious household.  My dad was German to the core.  He embraced philosophies such as:  "Children should be seen and not heard," and "None of that foolishness or messing around. . . stop laughing . . . get to work. . . life is serious not fun."  Thus, as a young girl, I was taught to suppress myself, especially when it came to laughter and silliness. 




I have spent much time and energy healing childhood challenges, putting the pieces inside me back together.


Fast forward thirty years.  I've been focused on my personal growth for many years now.  And, I have come a long way in clearing my mind of fears, wiping out self-doubt and getting past limiting beliefs.  In fact, I have found a way to experience peace most of the time, even in extremely difficult circumstances.

But, what I realized from doing this exercise is that I am ready now to cultivate a joyful heart! 

As I attempted the Happy Heart Memory exercise, I found myself struggling to think of fond memories.  It wasn't because I don't have any to think of, it was because I rarely bring these wonderful delights into my mind.

My heart feels warm and open, deeply satisfied and nourished when I reflect on special times.

I'm getting the hang of it now.  And, I can't believe how many smiles and laughs have been stimulated by thinking of the silly, wonderful, uplifting things that happen. 

Many of these remembrances are of simple moments--rolling on the floor laughing with my children after my husband had jumped out of the closet and scared us all to death!  Thinking of my daughter Maggie as a one year old sitting on the bed with Dad pretending she was reading a newspaper.  Or, when my daughter Skye would pretend to be Hannah Montana and perform songs for me in the living room.

You see, now that I have gotten started with these Happy Memories, something has shifted inside of me.  It is as if there was an unlit candle inside of me waiting to be sparked.  I can tell you that the more I review these fond times, the larger the flame grows within me. 

Why not give this a try with me?  I have decided that every day for the next 30 days, I am going to do this daily practice.  Yesterday I did it after my kids were asleep and in bed. I sat on the couch with some old photos and reminisced.  Today I did it while at the park walking in nature. 

I have also realized that the more I engage my senses throughout the day, I am more likely to create new Happy Memories that I can recall down the road.

Let the flame of joy ignite within you.  It will melt away more of your discomfort and pain.  It will burn away old energy and open the door to all that you desire to move closer to you.

By engaging your heart, you might just grow new wings and fly to higher heights!  That's my plan, how about you?

With great love for you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

Connecting Others to Their Dreams Helps YOU Grow

Too often, we human beings operate in fear mode.  We hoard our resources--the money we have, the opportunities we get and the network to whom we have access.  We feel so protective because we think, "They will get ahead of me...there aren't enough opportunities for everyone so I have to cling to whatever I have my hands on right now."

I believe there is an alternative way of thinking.  It goes like this, "As I share my resources with others, it helps me to grow.  As I help others rise higher, I naturally rise higher as well."

That is the philosophy I embrace. It is the spirit I attempt to live with each day.  I have found that this lifestyle has great rewards. 

I will share a concrete example, an experience I have had over the past month.

In November 2011 I had the privilege of speaking in Abuja (Nigeria) to a fantastic group of women.  Their organization is called Business Professional Women - Nigeria (BPW).  I delivered a keynote address called The Mindset of the Empowered Woman.  I was inspired by being part of the event and by sharing my address with the group.

Speaking at BPW event, November 2011

While there I mentioned to the President of the group that if they ever came to the U.S., they should let me know.  I expressed my interest in helping them find the connections they need for their personal and professional growth.

Angela Ajala (BPW Nigeria President) and me at the event

Fast forward to February 2012.  I receive an email from the BPW President, Angela Ajala.  She lets me know a group of 25 to 35 women will be attending the UN Conference on the Status of Women.  She takes me up on my offer for connecting the women to opportunities. 

Let me tell you, for years I have had a vision in my heart--to be a bridge between the USA and Nigeria. For those of you who don't know, my husband is Nigerian and I am greatly passionate about Nigeria's development.  In my mind's eyes I could see myself arranging these opportunities.  I had been doing this on a small, informal scale for several years.  But now was my first formal opportunity to do a sizeable project for this aim.

Bridging two cultures - Avon hosted us and took the time to make these amazing centerpieces. I was so happy!

For three weeks I worked furiously to make connections.  My goal was to provide each woman with an experience that would open her eyes to new possibilities and ideas that she could take back to Nigeria and harness for greater success. 

Hour after hour, email after email, a plan took shape.  I found that my American colleagues were eager to have interactions with their Nigerian counterparts.  At last, an all day Mentoring Match-up schedule materialized.  I honestly could not stop smiling as I worked on the project.

February 29th was the big day in New York City.  There were meetings set up with big companies like Avon  and Eileen Fisher as well as younger companies like Snowden Capital.  I had the opportunity to stop by each and every meeting and experience the exchange of information and kindness.  It was delightful to see the spark in the eyes of the women as the day unfolded. 

Group of BPW women visiting Avon Executives

BPW Women at Eileen Fisher learning about fashion design

Snowden Capital hosted a group and shared expertise about Financial Investments

By connecting others to their dreams, I was more fully realizing my own!  My network grew as I set up these meetings.  My understanding of how to plan these trips increased.  I came away with a whole new vision for how I would arrange this type of visit the next time around.  But most of all, my heart expanded so much I felt it was going to explode!  I was so full of joy that I even teared up. (Well, that is my very emotional side for those of you who don't know me well.)

I share all this just to say -- share your connections with others.  As you get to know other people, ask them about their vision.  Share your vision with them too.  As we each offer one another assistance in making our dreams become our realities, we all benefit.  We can all grow together.  There is plenty of success to go around.

I hope you feel inspired to make an impact this way in whatever small or big way is possible.  As we care and share, beautiful ripples of success come about for all of us.

Write down these powerful words of Helen Keller and meditate on them this week:

"I am only one but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.”

What small things will you do this week to help someone grow?  Remember, as you do, you are guaranteed growth as well.

With a smile of amazing joy!

Patricia Omoqui
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Got a Debilitating Mental Virus?

People have been asking me, "Where is the daily email you send out?" 

My reply, "I got a very ugly computer virus--yes, one that literally shut my computer down for days."  One moment I was working furiously on my book and then suddenly, messages popped up and alarms began to sound.  The screen went blank and everything appeared to be wiped off my computer.

This type of thing is a writer's worst nightmare.  Yes, I may haven even let out a scream!

I was FORCED to slow down, step back and take a break from my work.

Funny thing is that it all happened when I was being attacked by a "mental virus."  Some old fears were haunting me, ones I had thought I had overcome long ago.  I felt sick mentally and emotionally.  The repetitive thoughts of the worrisome future had shut my creativity down. 

"What is happening to me?" I thought.  "I teach people to overcome their fears and self-doubts and here I am struggling with this again!" 

First I sighed.  Then, I cried.  Then, I had to laugh. 

I clearly know that a fear is a thought of the future, one that predicts a bad outcome.  I also am aware that my thoughts need not control me or rob me of my peace today.  I have choice.  My mind is my tool.  I ALWAYS have choice which thoughts I focus upon.  I know how to shift my thinking back to what I want.  That is what I did.

So, after some time studying the fearful mental virus, I cleaned it out. 

I am re-botted and re-loaded.  I am back in the flow of inspiration and peace.  I am SO glad to feel well and be free inside.

I'm also happy to have my computer virus-free.  The book I am writing needs my care and attention!

If you find yourself feeling exhausted and worn-down because of a fear virus, it is okay.  Stop.  Write the fear down.  Examine it.  It is simply a thought about the future.  It is a thought about something you DO NOT want to happen.  Next to the fear write a new thought.  Your new thought can be a statement of what you DO want to happen. 

This little poem says it all:

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

Frank Herbert

If you get super-stuck and you can't clean the mental virus out, you can always drop me an email.

With a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Foundation for Success: Empowered Thinking!

Imagine being plagued by constant self-doubt and pain from your past.  A constant barrage of inner criticism to yourself is an exhausting state of mind, isn't it?  I would know.  I used to live that way.  My mind would literally "beat me up" from morning until night with criticism and judgment:  "You should be further a long in your career. . . you should be getting more done at home. . .you are not pretty enough or skinny enough. . . your friends have nicer homes than you, why can't you get further ahead and catch up to them?"

Wow.  Just reviewing the way I used to think makes me feel exhausted. 

I woke up to my thinking about 8 years ago.  I literally began to study my thoughts, examining them closely one-by-one.  I wrote them down.  I questioned them, "Why do I choose to dwell on this thought?  What is the impact of this thought patter in my life?  Who would I be if I changed my thinking?"

I gained an awareness that led me through a remarkable process of transformation:  I changed from the inside out.  As I started to change my thinking, I literally gained a new leash on life!  It was amazing.  My emotions went from sad and depressed to peaceful and excited.  I became free from fear and self-doubt.  I opened the door to my dreams and saw that I DID have the power to pursue what I really wanted in life.

Anyone can go through this type of change.  In the past few years I have coached hundreds of men and women through this same process.  It works.  It is simple.  It takes work, though--a personal commitment to become aware of your thoughts and then a determination to create new thinking habits. 

Shifting your thoughts is THE MOST WORTHWHILE way you could spend the first part of 2012.  Good thinking is the foundation to success and satisfaction.

Here are the keys areas you can focus on for the week ahead:


1. Observe your fears and worries – write these down on paper in detail so you can see them clearly.

2. Observe negative emotions that you feel throughout the day – what was the thought that preceded the way you felt? If you want to feel emotionally and physically better more of the time, you need to understand the thoughts that are causing you to feel bad emotionally.

3. Notice what percentage of time your thoughts are focused in the past, the present moment or the future. Most of us live the majority of our time in the past or the future. By observing the patterns you have, you can then learn how to focus more of your thoughts in the present moment. The present moment is the ONLY moment you can impact – the past was a present moment that already happened and the future is a present moment that is going to happen.

4. Observe your self-talk – what do you think and say about yourself? What aspects of yourself do you like? What aspects of yourself do you judge and criticize? By understanding self-doubt you can then identify key ways you might be limiting yourself in your life.

If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, don't worry.  Changing your thinking takes time.  It is a process that takes consistent, moment-by-moment awareness.  If you find yourself struggling, seek help.  Yes, you can drop me an email and I will respond if you do.

I know YOU HAVE MORE POWER than you yet realize.  I trust you are ready to tap into it :)

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

P.S. I still review my thoughts every day...and I still find opportunities to change my thinking! 

Empowered 2012 - Embrace Change

I'm starting the year and already, 2012 is full of changes for me.  I am packing boxes, moving locations.  There is a part of me that feels nervous but the greater part of me is EXCITED.  New times, fresh starts, original openings and amazing avenues--it is all right in front of me.

I smile as I write this.  I, as well as my fellow human beings, experience so many sensations and emotions when experiencing change.

I see clearly that I have choice!  The choice I have in every second of my life is my perspective.  Will I know that things will always work out for my best?  Or, will I be afraid?

Will I forge ahead with joy or will I be nervously hesitant?

Will I embrace the challenges and differences or will I be intimated?

Isn't it cool that I get to choose how I want to experience life?  I sure think so.  I love it.  I am empowered when I choose an empowered outlook.

So, this week I offer you a challenge.  Write down the many changes and uncertainties you are experiencing in your life right now.  Then, for each one, ask yourself the following questions (and write your answer down):  "What perspective will I choose as I face this?  What do I want to see happen?"

You have choice.  Choose the thoughts you bring to your life situation wisely.  If you do, you may just find that no matter the ups and downs, twists or turns, highs or lows, YOU CAN EXPERIENCE PEACE :)

Here are a few helpful quotes on change that I thought you'd enjoy:

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

“Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you… yet, someone survived…

You can do anything you choose to do.” –Maya Angelou

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” -C.S. Lewis

“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe

Riding the waves of change with you!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Back to the Basics - Two Helpful Daily Practices

Life can become incredibly intense and feel challenging.  As I experience these times in my own life, it brings me back to the basics.  I have been reminded the past few weeks that I only have to live ONE MOMENT at a time.  That's it.  If I can focus my energy in the NOW, then I can do what is needed for my life.

Two helpful practices that I've been using are gratitude and mindfulness.  I thought I'd share a few thoughts on each practice with you. 

Gratitude

Start and end the day by giving thanks. Focusing your heart and mind on gratitude will help you set an optimistic tone for your day. Before rising from bed, think of five things in your life right now for which you are thankful. From a friend to a bed to a beautiful sunrise to a pair of shoes – begin to notice each simple gift of sustenance and comfort that is so much a part of your life that you can hardly see it.




If you find yourself losing perspective midway through the day, stop and find something to be grateful for—like a pleasant greeting from a stranger or a call from a friend. Gratitude can raise your spirits and boost your energy.



Keep a small notebook and pen by your bed (you could even carry it with you during the day) to record your gratitude list. As you close your day, write down five things from the day for which you are grateful.

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."

 ~Meister Eckhart

Mindfulness
Live life with mindfulness. We tend to live on auto-pilot moving from one activity to the next with very little thought. Using mindfulness is a powerful practice to bring our attention to the present moment. Each day choose one specific activity and give it your full attention. It can be drinking a glass of water, walking up a set of stairs, washing your hands, looking into your child’s or spouse’s eyes.



Engage as many of your sense as possible. For example, look closely at the piece of plantain you are about to eat. Notice its shape and color. Smell it before you put it into your mouth. Slowly enjoy chewing it – feeling the texture on your tongue, tasting the sweetness or saltiness. Listen quietly as you chew – be aware of your muscles and teeth.



By giving yourself totally to one such activity each day you will begin to view seemingly small every-day happenings in new ways. Soon you will be finding pleasure in things you didn’t even notice. Slow down and enjoy each moment of your life.

Hence, there is a time to go ahead and a time to stay behind.

There is a time to breathe easy and a time to breathe hard.

There is a time to be vigorous and a time to be gentle.

There is a time to gather and a time to release.

Can you see things as they are

And let them be all on their own?

~ Lao-tzu

Enjoy the week ahead!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Growing Younger: Tapping Into the Fountain of Youth!

I had my birthday yesterday and it was tremendous fun. 

Yes, it seems each year my numerical age seems to go higher.

None of us want to get older, do we? Let’s face it, for thousands of years people have been in search of the mythical fountain of youth. Imagine what would happen if someone discovered the fountain and bottled the water. I bet most of us would be lined up to buy a few ounces no matter the cost.

I recently ran into a distant relative, someone I had not seen for several years. I was shocked at how much he had aged. The lines in his face had deepened. His hair had greyed. He seemed depressed, lethargic. I wondered to myself, “What happened?” So I delicately asked how he was doing. He shared stories of a messy divorce, a dissatisfying job and increasing health problems. When I asked how he was spending his time, he sighed, “I go to work. Come home. Watch the news. Surf the ‘net. Fall asleep on the couch. Then start the cycle over again the next day.”

Not long after, I encountered a family friend. I had not seen her for five years and was amazed at how young she looked. Her face was bright. She was vivacious, smiling and excited about life. Her energy was contagious. I was curious, “How did she grow younger rather than older?” I asked her what she had been doing. She shared honestly her challenges with finances, a job search and a stressful turn of events with one of her children. Then her attention naturally turned to the rich meaning she was finding with life. She had decided that no matter what life brought her way, she was going to live one moment at a time and experience peace. From her perspective, the best was yet to come.

I marveled at the contrast between these lives. Fascinating—two people both experiencing some difficult years and yet with starkly different outcomes in appearance and energy.

It got me thinking. How can a person remain youthful while navigating life’s inevitable ups and downs? Perhaps we can stay young and vibrant regardless of age. I know I would like to feel like Ellen Glasgow, author of The Woman Within. She said, “Though it sounds absurd, it is true to say I felt younger at sixty than I felt at twenty.”

Here are some key ways to tap into your inner fountain of youth. If you consistently use these ideas, you may just grow younger next year rather than older if you consistently practice these ideas.

1.  Take care of your body. Do the basics. Eat fruits and vegetables. Drink enough water. Get a good night’s sleep. Take a short nap when your body calls for it. Stretch your muscles. Stay active and fit—at least get out and walk for twenty minutes a day. Your body’s well-being is an excellent investment. After all, you have your body for your entire life journey. Treat it with great respect.

2. Cultivate your relationship with God. Don’t reserve spirituality for emergencies. Experience God’s Presence all the time. Use daily spiritual practices like prayer and meditation to tap into stillness. Tune in to the Voice of God within you. Invite the peace that passes understanding. Notice the many ways God cares for you every day. Be child-like: trust God even in the darkest times. Those who remain aware of God’s workings are brighter and more joyful.

3. Keep positive company. As American playwright Tennessee Williams pointed out, “Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” Be wise in who you select for your inner circle. According to Jon Gordon, author of The Energy Bus, you should beware of “Energy Vampires.” He says, “They are everywhere. And they will suck the life out of you if you let them.”

Give yourself permission to keep the negative, complaining, judgmental, energy-draining pessimists at a distance. Instead surround yourself with positive, encouraging, nourishing, uplifting optimists. “Optimists are right. So are pessimists. It’s up to you to choose which you will be” (Harvey Mackay).

4. Stay curious and learn. Too many of us stop exploring new topics and skills simply because we earned a high school diploma or a college degree. No matter how much you think you know, it is a speck in comparison to what is offered in the vast and ever expanding library of life. Keep reading. Explore art, music, science, technology. Whatever captivates the child in you—that is what will keep you young. Getting in the creative flow eliminates all sense of age and time. Live in that space.

5. Revel in life’s simple things. Take the time to savor your food, dish by dish and bite by bite. Take an occasional moment to deeply breathe the fresh, free air. Enjoy the warmth of the sun. Cherish the smiles and laughter of children and the loving exchanges with your spouse.

6. Keep love alive. Appreciate the distinctive personalities and the unique essence of family members and friends. Do not take them for granted. Ordinary interactions become extraordinary memories. You are never too old to share love. Consider the possibility of falling in love again with your spouse. If you are not currently married, open your heart to a deep satisfying relationship.

7. Process life as it comes. Express what you need to express. Cry and grieve when you are mourning. Deal with anger when it occurs. Don’t carry heavy baggage from your past. Forgive. Move forward in power and freedom. Become present to the wonder and richness of each new moment.

8. Play, laugh, be joyful! Youthful people have light hearts. Too much work and worry can bog us down. Listen to the advice of Dr. Seuss, an expert in turning work into fun, “I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” Do not let life’s insanity break your spirit. Find the humor instead.

Remember. Age is only a number. Your state of mind and heart define your true age. Do not assume that getting older in years means you need to become weak, sedentary, or sidelined. As French novelist George Sand (1804-1876) remarked, “It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.”


Be determined to continue the adventure of life. Use your growing wisdom and self-knowledge to bloom over and over again so that even until your last days, others enjoy the fragrance of your life.

Here are some quotes to meditate upon this week:

“At twenty we worry about what others think of us; at forty we don't care about what others think of us; at sixty we discover they haven't been thinking about us at all.”

-- Author Unknown

 

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.”

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

“To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age.”

-- Thomas Bailey Aldrich

With all my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Lessons from the Sewer: Unblocking the "Clogged Pipes"

I am writing and there is a nasty smell in the air.  My eyes aren't as bright today as usual.

Yesterday I realized that something wasn't quite right in my house.  I followed my nose to the issue:  our basement was full of crap (I mean that literally).  For some reason there was about two inches of nasty gunk all over the floor. 

Fast forward to 11 p.m. last night.  I stand outside our house with a Roto-Rooter plumber watching as he investigates the pipes from the street and into our basement.  "A-ha" he says.  I got the clog.  It is gone."  I go in and flush the toilets and run the sinks and sure enough, it is fixed.

BUT, there was still a sewagey mess in my basement.  I could have gotten some professional help to clean this up but I did a bit of research on the Internet.  My husband and I fearlessly took on the mess ourselves.  And, it was DISGUSTING.  The good news is that we have cleaned it up. 

It got me thinking.  Too often we humans let our inner "emotional pipes" get clogged.  Over the years, there is a build up.  Rather than processing the "emotional waste" as we could as each situations arises , we tend to ignore the feelings and underlying issues. 

When the blockage gets too big, then there is a nasty overflow.  It is at these points that we can no longer ignore the mess and we must do the work needed to clean ourselves up inside.

Pay attention to your emotional flow.  Journal.  Write down your feelings each day.  Or, confide in a trusted friend.  Don't hold all the hurt, confusion, pain or despair inside OR - you may find yourself in an emergency inner plumbing situation.

Remember, some situations REQUIRE professional help.  Get that if you need it!  The mess might be stinky to deal with but once it is cleaned up, you will find a new, easier flow to life.

With relief that the mess is gone,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Find Your Inner Lion This Week!

This week I share with you my rendition of one of my favorite parables. As you read, consider how different life might be in  the last few months of 2011 if you found your inner lion. The story goes…


Once upon a time there was a flock of sheep living together in a pasture. One of the sheep looked different than the others. His name was Rex. The other sheep repeatedly told Rex that he was just like them. The adult sheep taught him how to act like a sheep—to graze, eat grass, and be part of the group.


For a number of years he lived like a sheep. He would “baa” even though often he felt the urge to roar. One time he did roar and the others made fun of him. He was embarrassed. So he decided it was best to “baa;” he didn’t want trouble with his friends.


When he admitted to dreaming of life in the jungle, the older sheep reprimanded him, “These pastures are good enough for you. Stay here where you are supposed to be.” He often felt the urge to move ahead but others told him he was causing problems. They liked to move slowly as a flock. Rex also wanted to journey independently but the flock felt that was ridiculous.


One day Rex was grazing near a stream. He approached the water’s edge for a drink. As he bent to drink, he caught a glimpse of himself in the water. That day, for the first time in his life, Rex really saw himself. He noticed that he looked nothing like a sheep. He was a lion! He was different, unique. He was strong. He looked regal with his fur coat and mane. For a moment he was overcome with excitement. This small glimpse confirmed to Rex that he was not just an ordinary member of the flock.


The next moment fear came up. Rex had grown accustomed to a life as a sheep. He was comfortable in the flock. What would the others think if he followed his heart and emerged as a powerful lion? Yet, Rex was bored. He was tired of living like the rest of the sheep. He wanted to break free.


Though he felt scared, courage began to build in his heart. Knowing his true identity gave Rex the guts to use his strength to move away from the group. He left the pasture. Freedom was finally his. He had found his voice and he roared at the top of his lungs. Gradually he became quiet in his confidence. He could choose to roar or be quiet. He explored the highlands and moved at his own pace. He found the rhythm of life he had longed for.


He finally felt comfortable in his own skin. At last, he was in sync with himself.


Many of us are so conditioned that we remain in groups even after we’ve outgrown them. We follow the crowd blindly trying our best to fit in. We are careful not to stand out too much so that we are accepted. We stick with the status quo even though we long to break free, to express ourselves in ways that resonate with our spirit.


We live prisoners to mental programming that has caused us to believe “we can’t”, “we shouldn’t” and even “we can’t follow our hearts.” And so we live in our heads playing over and over again the negative programs we’ve picked up along the way. We feel boxed in and miserable. Yet we wear a sheep-like smile to give others the impression that we are “doing just fine.”


I encourage you to look in a mirror this week. Really look at yourself. Look beyond the surface. Take time to see yourself with new eyes. Take off the glasses of self-judgment you’ve been told to wear. Ask yourself, “Who am I and how do I want to live my life?” Let answers come from your heart rather than from your head.


Smile as you see yourself. Let go of ideas of style and physical attractiveness. Instead, notice the uniqueness of your face. Gaze into the bright and sparkly gleam of your own eyes. See the genuineness of your smile. You are incredible, aren’t you? Enjoy this moment of self-appreciation. Feel your energy as you dare to admire yourself.


It’s ok to do this. You aren’t an egomaniac if you do. You are simply connecting to your spirit as it expresses through the body you’ve chosen for this journey. If you find yourself unable to do this, ask yourself why? Then see if you can’t at least find one or two things that you like about yourself.


Now, try to hear your own voice. What is it that you have not been saying that you have in your heart? What is it that you’ve held back for years because you feared others might judge you or mock you or even reject you? Imagine for a moment the way life might feel if you finally gave voice to your truth. As you look in the mirror practice saying those things that you’ve suppressed. It is time for your truth to emerge.


We are all born as lions. But then we are trained to be sheep – accepting without question, limitations imposed on us and sticking with the group. We plod through life even when we sense a strong, purpose and direction in our heart.


Roar, lion, roar. Break free, lion, break free. This is the way life was meant to be lived. You don’t have to stay with the flock in a pasture that’s dry and tasteless to you. Speak your truth, lion, speak it loudly.


Your assignment this week is to notice whether you act like a lion or a sheep. Do you follow the crowd hoping to fit in? Or, do you move at your own pace following the inner yearnings of your heart? Just notice. Don’t judge yourself. There is nothing wrong with the choices you’ve made so far. However, by observing these choices, you can begin to see new possibilities.


Each day this week sit for at least 1 full minute and look in the mirror. Get to know yourself in a whole new way. This time, do it without the judgments and labels others have given you. Who are you at your core? Feel the fire of passion burning within you. Open to this energy and embrace your freedom.


Freedom is available to you in each moment. Dear Lion, begin to choose freedom.


“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.” Vernon Howard

Roaring with you,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

A Note of Encouragement for the Weary

Yes, I admit it.  I am exhausted.  My plate is rather full these days both personally and professionally.  I am making sure I getting enough sleep.  Yet, I just feel worn down. 

I have been observing myself, watching my thoughts very closely.  I have noticed that if I live one small moment at a time, I am fine.  I have discovered that if I begin to think a week, a month or a year into the future, I become tired.

The beauty of Life is that the only moment I need to live is RIGHT NOW. 

I live this moment, then the next, then the next. . . as I approach life this way, I am able to flow smoothly forward.  It becomes easier when I just take one step at a time rather than wondering and worrying over the next one hundred miles of the journey ahead.

I have been spending daily time at a nearby park.  Nature has a way of renewing me.  I have been sitting and walking amongst the grandest trees and dainty flowers.  Butterflies show up on my path as do birds of many shapes and sizes.  A brisk walk cleanses and uplifts my spirit.  I am in awe of the simple treasures and miracles life offers.

So today, I give thanks for where I am.  I am where I a meant to be.  I choose to relax into that knowing and rejoice at how far I have come and how much I have learned.

I say a prayer for each of us this week, that our minds will be calm and our spirits will be renewed.

Rest and meditate on these thought-provoking quotes as you begin a new week:

"The great opportunity is where you are. Do not despise your own place and hour. Every place is under the stars, every place is the center of the world." (John Burroughs)

"Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves." (Dale Carnegie)

"Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up." (Pearl S. Buck)

With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Master Basics - Then Get Fancy

The problem today is people want to use high-skill techniques before they learn the foundational skills.  To get long-lasting success, we must not take shortcuts or jump ahead in the process of learning.

Warning:  It is ESSENTIAL to master the basics BEFORE you get too fancy.

I was thinking back to my years as a basketball player.  As a 16 year old playing my first year of basketball, the coach saw how tall I was and made me a "post player."  (For those of you who don't know what that means, it means I played close to the basket and with my back facing the basket most of the time.  Think of a player like Shaq.)

My coach taught me only ONE move my first year.  It was a simple shot.  I would pivot and shoot a short bank shot.  This worked perfectly for me since I was taller than most of my opponents and I could shoot right over them and score.  Coach knew this.  If I could make this shot consistently, our team was going to score loads of points!

But I was feeling frustrated.  Players around me knew more moves!  They could do fancier moves and score points with flare. I wanted to do that.  I wanted coach to show me how to do to that too.  But he insisted that I learn only the basics and perfect this ONE type of shot before I moved forward.

So, I focused.  I shot and shot and shot.  I missed a lot of shots at first.  BUT, with repetition, I was able to use this shot and score plenty of points each game.  In fact, in my first season of ever playing the game of basketball, I mastered this shot and was on my way to becoming the league’s leading scorer.

In my next season, the coach taught me one more new move – drop step, dribble, power up to shoot. Wow! Now I had a second shot, a fancier one. I worked on that one until I could do it well and score with it.  Then I had two shots I could try out and it was exciting to have grown as a player.

At last, when I got to college, the coaches taught me some awesome moves (fancy moves with real swagga)—Up and Under, Hook to the Left, Hook to the Right--I even started shooting from the perimeter rather than just with my back to the basket.  I was prepared for this new learning because my high school coach had forced me to master the basics.  I had a solid foundation.  It allowed me to make great progress.  And, with time, I was a "flashy" player who could score with both basic moves and ones that wowed the crowd.

I am glad my first coach didn't allow me to move faster in my learning than I was ready for.  He was wise.  He knew if I became really good at the basics, I'd be able to easily grasp the exciting moves.  I didn't like how slow he was moving in teaching me, but I see now, that his approach was the right one for my overall growth as a basketball player.

Be patient as a learner.  Understand the basics and practice hard until you are sound at what you do (whether that is a sport, education, career or running your own business).  Learning takes time.  To gain a level of excellence in anything you do, you must work hard at it and remained focused.  Complete the stage of growth you are in and do your best at it because it is preparing you for your next level of performance. 

If you skip essential learning and try to bypass the next steps of your growth, you may sabotage your long-term success. 

Do not be worried you aren't growing fast enough.  Instead, follow this wise Chinese proverb:

"Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still."

Steady, focused, persistent, determined, dedicated, willing to practice, giving it your all, striving for excellence:  this can be your focus for the week.  It certainly is going to be mine!

Have a blessed and joyful week ahead.
I'm here to support you in your personal and professional growth.

I am only ever an email away.
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Insights from Travels

It has been a few weeks since I had the time to sit down and write a blog.  The past month was full of travel for me.  I made stops in Accra (Ghana), Lagos and Abuja (Nigeria).  I met wonderful people. I had the chance to engage with many men and women that I mentor.  I was invited to share some of my favorite topics with audiences like Harness the Power of Your Mind and Clarify Your Purpose and Live It.  It was a delightful, rich time of service, work and play.

As I sat in Abuja one Sunday night waiting to go up on stage to address an audience at Holyhill Church Ideas! Forum, my mind flashed back to 2007.

I saw myself sitting at my corporate desk in tears, wanting so much to be free to live out my passion and purpose.  I was so hungry for change.  I yearned to be free.  During those long years of soul-searching, I eventually connected to my calling as a speaker, success coach and writer. 

Yet, after I found my calling, I faced fear after fear.  The fears would rise up and tell me that my dreams were impossible.  For some reason, I found the courage to ignore my fears and I carried on day-after-day, choosing to take little steps forward.

Each tiny step that I took had led me to the night in Abuja.  I spoke that night on the importance of finding and living your purpose.  And, what I said came from a deeply authentic place--I was living what I was teaching.

I am in awe of this journey.  The more that I forge ahead, the more wonderful it becomes.  It is not free of issues and challenges.  In fact, I have many more of them now than I did even a few years back.  I feel more joy and peace now even in the midst of difficulty because I know who I am and what gifts I am here to share with the world.

Tears came to my eyes that night in Abuja.  They were tears of gratitude and amazement.

Each of us can take the time to find our deeper life calling.  It takes some effort and some soul-searching.  But, the payoffs of doing this inner work are life-long. 

If you want to dig deeper into the topic or learn more, my book is a great resource.  (You can purchase it on Amazon  http://www.amazon.com/Clarify-Your-Purpose-Patricia-Omoqui/dp/0982912900 ).  Or, I am here for you as a coach to guide you through the steps you need to take to create a life of deep satisfaction and meaning.

I pray this week that you experience a greater sense of possibility in your life than you ever have before.

With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Keep Growing: Observe, Listen, Learn

I am on an interesting journey and I am having a great time. Arrived in Lagos (Nigeria) a week ago.  Headed quickly to Accra (Ghana) to speak at a conference.  Will travel next weekend to Abuja.

I love travel.  It is a stretching experience--from waiting in line for hours getting through immigration to dealing with a taxi driver who wants to charge me twice as much as a local--it is all LEARNING.

I am fascinated by life.  I am in awe of my journey.  And, I desire to keep growing every day.

My desire is to keep my eyes wide open and OBSERVE.  

"What is really going on here?"  I ask myself.  "Why are things the way they currently are?" and

"Is there a way this could get better and develop more?"

As I take my morning walk in Lagos, I notice the trash scattered on the road and wonder, "How could this be cleaned up?"  I see there are plenty of people who want to work.  I see the trash trucks sitting by the side of the road not in use.  The pieces of the puzzle all seem to be there.  I pray and know that there will be a time when it all comes together into a workable solution.

I have been purposefully quiet this past week.  I am doing my best to LISTEN.  Young and old have many experiences to share.  I ask questions to draw out this wisdom.  As I do, I smile.  I have much to gain from the perspectives and ideas others offer.  God brings me the right learning partners at the perfect time. 

Treat each conversation you have as a precious opportunity to develop yourself.  Consider these words of Coach John Wooden, "Others, too have brains.  A leader listens.  Don't act like you're listening when you're just waiting to talk.  People know when you're not hearing what they say.  Sometimes we forget that we're not the only smart person in the room." 

Your challenge this week: 

Be open to learning.  Be ready to grow.  Take off your blinders.  Look at life closely.  Be full of wonder in your day-to-day experiences.  Pray for a fresh perspective.  Be willing to see the world around you from new angles. 

Wishing you a fantastic week of personal development!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Patience & Maturity

We are in a rush.  We want it NOW.  "Why has my dream not come to fruition yet?  I am trying so hard."

I have felt this.  I have heard it from clients, friends and family. 

"Am I doing something wrong?  Am I off track?  What am I missing here that is causing this delay?"

This sure has gone through my mind the past few years.  And, I hear people around me doing the same soul searching.

The irony:  every moment, every experience, every step, every waiting period, every challenge--is ESSENTIAL!  It is not optional to S-K-I-P steps. 

To get to the breakthrough, to have the culmination of your vision, you must be willing to be persistent and stay the course no matter how things appear.

There is Infinite Wisdom in the Grand Design of Life.  How beautiful it all becomes and how interesting it is when we KNOW that every circumstance is for our highest good and for our personal growth.

If you truly believed the above statements, how might your approach to your daily journey change for you?  Would you be more relaxed?  Would you feel greater peace?  Would you not be so hard on yourself? 

Maybe, just maybe, if you do your best and stay focused, the rest happens at a natural pace.  And, perhaps your satisfaction and enjoyment of the entire journey would increase exponentially if you knew that YOUR LIFE IS ON SCHEDULE. 

You are maturing.  With each moment, growing more and more.  Invest yourself where you are.  You may want to be on the big stages with the grand audiences -- and that will come.  But for now, use your skills where you are and with the audiences in front of you.  This time period allows you to further develop, to be truly prepared for the BIG BREAKTHROUGHS.

Be patient.  Trust the process.  Know that you are maturing.

All is well.
You are on schedule.
Simply live one moment at a time and do your best.

Written from the depth of my spirit and my experience,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Beyond Shame to Seeing Commonality



Just before hiting the runway.  Empowered.

 I had a fantastic time last week at the Women Empowering Women event in Philadelphia.  It was a tremendous day of sisterhood, connection, and apprecation of what we as women share in common.

In the morning, there was an intimate discussion forum.  More than twenty women from many different walks of life (CEO, Psychiatrist, Lawyer, Doctor, Life Coach, recovering drug addicts, formerly homeless) spent three hours talking.  Powerful, transformative moments occured as woman after woman shared stories of challenges and triumphs. 

It is clear to me that giving voice to our stories opens us to feeling empowered, to connecting with others and to seeing that WE ARE NOT ALONE.  The stories shared during the forum had common themes of low self-esteem, body image struggles, rape, sexual abuse, betrayal, abandonment by parents and addictions.  Regardless of titles, economic status or skin color, there was COMMONALITY.  Each woman has her own story--a dynamic one of personal growth. 

I cried. I laughed.  I hugged.  I felt it all very deeply.  I shared my own story from childhood, one I hadn't shared in many years.  It felt good to express what was there, shed a few tears and heal more deeply.

We are more similar than different.  Don't allow your pain to cause you to hide.  You are not alone. Your pain may come in the form of your unique story, but each human being has experienced some form of pain. 

Find someone you trust to confide in.  Voice what needs to be said.  Get it out in the open in a safe place so that you can be heard.  By telling it aloud you open the door to more freedom and peace than you may have right now.  If you aren't ready to say it to another person, take time to journal about it.  Find an outlet for self-expression that allows you to process the experience and move forward.

Consider these words, "If we want to change our lives, our relationships or even the world we must start by understanding and overcoming the shame that keeps us silent" (Anonymous Professor).

Your pain turns into beautiful colors woven into the fabric of your remarkable being.
Don't be ashamed, rather, become empowered.  Be proud of who you are!
 
With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
 
P.S. I also got to have fun as a model in the fashion show.  Enjoy the pictures :)



Getting Make-Up - how glamorous !



Striking a pose.



Strutting on the runway....too fun!



Sisterhood, Beautiful Women Connected



Harness Your Power: On Love, Mothers and Life

My lovely daughters Maggie and Skye after making chocolate cupcakes.

Mother's day was wonderful.  My girls and I sure celebrated--and we did so on their terms (wink).  Saturday evening Skye (age 6) said to me, let's celebrate Mother's day by having a sleep out on the living room floor.  I suggested we'd be more comfortable if we slept in our beds, but she was SURE this was the best way to have fun.  So, I relented. 

We got out the blankets, extra pillows and attempted to be as cozy as possible on the floor.  I slept on the couch and woke up with a wonderful back ache.  I smiled when I felt the ache because I knew my little girls were happy and we had made a special memory.

In the morning we had breakfast with my mom Gayle.  She is an angel.  I don't say that lightly or from a biased perspective.  Everyone who knows my mom is amazed at how giving, kind, peace-filled and wise she is.  As for me, I feel as if I got the best mom on the planet.  Not only did she offer me a mother's love and acceptance while growing up, she is also the editor of my articles and my book AND one of the best mentors I have ever found. 

I am blessed.  Counting my blessings is the best way for me to remember the richness of the gifts in my life.  I have a devoted husband, a supportive extended family, two little girls who teach me to play more and I do work that I love. . . those are the highlights on my list right now.

I keep being reminded that it is the simple, priceless things that are the most wonderful.  A Mother's Day card from my child with a handwritten note is more of a treasure than an expensive gift any day.

I am mellow today, just pondering some of the deeper questions of life and its purpose.  So, perhaps the best idea for the week ahead is to stay fully focused in gratitude for every blessing tiny to gigantic.  Don't miss out on any of it.   Write a list right now!

Cherish the moment and treasure the ones you love.

That's my focus,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Life Unfolds in Divine Time

The Great Hearted Dr. Femi Olaleye

I found myself with a big grin today.  Let me tell you why.

About six months ago, I came up with an idea to write a profile piece for the cover of Vanguard Newspaper's Allure Magazine.  The gentleman's name for the profile is Dr. Femi Olaleye.  He is an accomplished doctor with a vision to provide low-cost, quality healthcare to those in Lagos, Nigeria, who simply can't afford it. 

I followed the process I always use.  The first step was to send Dr. Femi the interview questions.   Step two was for him to respond which he did in a very short time period.  The next step was for me to take his responses and boil them down to the proper number of words for a profile piece.  I started working on it and met with my editor (my distinguised, English Professor mother) several times. 

Then, something strange happened.  No matter how hard we tried to get this piece finished, we just couldn't.  A normally easy process for us became extremely tedious and difficult.  We'd try to meet and then an emergency would happen.  Or, we'd work on the document and the changes we'd make would be lost due to computer troubles.

I felt pressure to get the piece done.  I kept stating to my mom, "We have to finish this piece.  I'm embarassed at how long this is taking."

I kept Dr. Femi informed that we still had him in mind and we were gradually progressing with his piece.  This went on for over four months. 

My mom and I were both perplexed.  It made no sense that we were struggling so much.

FINALLY, about five weeks ago, the piece was fully edited and submitted to Allure.  Normally a piece like this prints fairly quickly.  This time it didn't.  Dr. Femi asked me, "When will this piece be featured?"  I asked the editor and got the response, "I'll let you know when we decide to print it."

We waited.  We waited some more.  We continued to wait.  I decided to stop asking and just let it print whenever it printed.

Today, I went online to look at the Vanguard Allure.  Guess what (drum roll please)?  Dr. Femi Olaleye was at last on the cover of Allure Magazine!  But the coolest part about it is TODAY IS HIS WEDDING DAY!

That is why I smiled and laughed.  God has a perfect timing.  It all made sense.  The piece was supposed to print today.  What better wedding gift could a man get than to have his work featured on a national magazine cover ON his wedding party day?

Life is fascinating.  Maybe, just maybe, it is much easier than we think.  What if all we have to do is OUR part?  What if we simply need to take the next step and the next and the next and leave the timing of the "BREAKTHROUGH" to God?

I feel certain that's the case.  This is one story of a multitude that I could share with you that has led me to conclude that God's timing is best and is often full of irony and humor.

So, I say, "Congratulations, Dr. Femi Olaleye to you and your beautiful bride."  She is lucky to have a man like you who has a heart of gold.  And you, Dr. Femi are lucky to have a woman such as her.  I pray that the blessings of God rain down upon your lives, flooding you with all good things (maybe even some amazing children).

Please take some time to read this profile piece and be inspired.  His work is making a major impact on the lives of many Nigerians.  If you feel so inclined, do reach out to him and offer financial support to further his cause.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2011/05/life-is-more-than-designer-clothes-and-flashy-cars-dr-femi-olaleye/

Trust God's perfect time.  Relax your spirit and KNOW that your life is unfolding at the perfect pace, in the perfect way.

Speaking of perfect, my column this week in Vanguard is titled Perfect "Imperfections."  Yes, it might be an encouragement to read this too.  Your seeming inadequacies may be doing more good than you realize.  Read this and you'll understand why:  http://www.vanguardngr.com/2011/05/perfect-%e2%80%9cimperfections%e2%80%9d/ .

Have a great week ahead!

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.