No Joke: My Head Was Literally On Fire!

It has been over two months since I wrote.  And, an intense, challenging two months it has been.  There are times in life where the fire of difficulty burns through your insides.  That's what's gone on with me.  It's all positive.  I feel more open because of the experience.

At one point recently, my head was literally on fire.  No joke.  One night as I slept I couldn't even put my head on my pillow.  It was as if from the top of my scalp to the bottom of my neck my skin was burning.  The pain became so intense that I got myself to a doctor (something I have not had to do in years) to get emergency help.

With the right meds and a good does of rest, relief came and the blaze ended. 

How did this happen?  Well, lessons were learned the hard way.  I had become so consumed with caring for others around me that I had put myself aside.  I was worn thin, more exhausted than I had been in years.  Someone in the family required loads of medical care.  In taking care of her, I ended up ill myself.

Someone told me during that time -- you have "special needs" too.  Take care of yourself.  It came to a point that I had too or I knew something serious was going to happen to my health.  In the words of Sigmund Freud, "Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise."  It was time to do so.
Since these days with head ablaze, I took a break.  I stopped writing my blog.  My daily emails were halted.  I stepped back to just breathe and improve my well-being. 

I do feel better.  But I know my journey of taking more care of me has just started. 

In fact, I've been noticing that I am learning a whole new way of being.  From the time I was a small girl I was a soldier, forging ahead constantly into the unknown, fierce and focused on winning.  Lately though, I have seen the toll this approach has taken on my body, mind and spirit. 

It's time for new ways, graceful and flowing days.  I now realize the power in gentleness and compassion (especially toward myself.)

To do life on my terms and enjoy the simple pleasures of the moment, that is my focus.  I feel better.

If your body or spirit is signalling that you are close to breaking down, don't ignore it!  Listen.  Pay attention.  Welcome the messages it gives you.  Then, offer yourself whatever it is you need. 

It is health which is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

Mohandas Karamchand (Mahatma) Gandhi

Take good care of yourself this week.
I will be doing the same!

With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com

Get Inspired: Together WE DO Great Things

I walk in. I feel warmly welcomed. I meet new people with an international focus. My heart awakens. I listen to the speakers tell about their work. I am inspired. That is my experience of the WIL of Greater Philadelphia February meeting. (Yes, you must get to the next meeting!)

From the moment you enter until the moment you leave, there is something to gain from being a part of WIL meetings.

February’s gathering introduced me to a new aspect of women’s empowerment: the challenging advocacy work that happens behind the scenes to ensure women’s voices are heard at the UN policy-making table. Our two speakers, Cate Owren and Eleanor Blomstrom, were from WEDO, Women’s Environment & Development Organization.

What intrigued me most about the presentation was how the organization was formed. A few female friends of like mind saw a need, a gap, and they knew they had to do something to fill it. WEDO founding member Thais Corral of Brazil said it all started with a question, “What if we, as women, use this opportunity of the UN Conference Environment and Development to be the change we want to see in the world?” So this group of friends, of female activists, decided they must take action. They moved forward. Now, twenty years later, the results they have achieved on behalf of women worldwide are outstanding. (Visit their website to learn more: www.wedo.org).

And, that’s how WIL of Greater Philadelphia started too. A few Philadelphia based women who cared about women’s issues wanted to gain more of a global perspective. They wanted to be able to do something to assist women in other parts of the world. So, they started meeting. They found a way to touch lives through raising money and funding eight microfinance banks to date.

It is a joy to now be personally involved in what they are doing.

Isn’t that how all great things start? They start small and grow with focus, commitment and determination.

I left the meeting reminded of the truth that Margaret Mead, American cultural anthropologist expressed so well, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

You and I, and especially when WE join together, WE can create ripples of positive change on the issues that matter most to us. So, take some action today. . .the World will benefit so greatly if WE DO.

Hope to meet you at our next meeting on April 9th  (http://wil-gp.org/events.html)!

Stop! Don't Wish Your Life Away...Savor This Stage You Are In

Yes, I found myself doing it again today.  That syndrome I had years ago--the "Postponed Happiness Syndrome" (PHS) was back this morning in full force. 

It all stems from that thought pattern I used to buy into a few years ago.  It goes something like this:  "When (fill in the blank) finally happens, then I will feel better about my life." 

I used to wish my life away.  I'd live for the future events that would somehow "improve" my life.  I did that so much and so often that I rarely enjoyed life. 

But, about 8 years ago I found a cure for my self-diagnosed case of PHS.  It was simple but not easy.  I learned to live in the present moment--I mean to really engage my whole being in the here and now.  As I did, life became more colorful.  I started noticing the beauty all around me.  I began to understand the importance of the stage of life I was in:  every second was purposeful preparation in becoming the person I am made to be.

Old patterns have a way of popping up.  The good news is that with self-awareness, you can catch them sooner.  So, I noticed myself letting PHS take over and I laughed.  Then, I shifted gears into the here and now.

I had the most wonderful day.  It wasn't anything out of the ordinary.  But, with my renewed presence, it felt extra-ordinary.  It ended with the a nice hug from my youngest daughter.  I sank into the warmth of our embrace and took the moment deep into my heart. 

Funny enough, I interacted with a friend who was wishing his life away too.  He was finally in his dream location, one he had worked to get to for the past year.  It had become his reality through many challenges, but with determination he had done it!  Rather than enjoying where he was, he already was worried about the summer months and what was coming next.

I chuckled to myself.  Each person is a mirror for me.  So, I reminded him to enjoy where he was and what he was doing.  As I spoke those words aloud they echoed in my own spirit and I knew they were for me too.

Live for today.  I mean really cherish the day you are in.  Look for the blessings.  Open to the glamour of THIS moment.  Life is truly magnificent and miraculous when you stop rehashin the past or wishing for the future.

Be here.
Be here NOW.
Don't miss out.

I am soaking it in again and it feels good.

With a smile,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thouht Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Teenage Confessions -- Ok, I Admit It, I've Made My Fair Share of Mistakes!

You'd never believe it if I told you. . .

When I was thirteen years old, living in the suburbs of Chicago. . .wow, not sure if I should really tell you this. . .

I was young, curious.  I wanted to try new things.  I want to fit in and be cool so I . . .

Hmm, well, my best friend at the time Carolyn (*name changed to protect identity) had a neighbor friend named Julie.  She was in high school.  We thought she was amazing.  She was a rule-breaker.  She was quite different than the follow-the-rules-Christian-school-girls that we were.  We were fascinated and drawn in.

She introduced us to many things.  Yes, cigarettes were included.  So, Carolyn and I bought a pack for ourselves.  We would sit in her room with window cracked open during the middle of winter and smoke a few.  We also took long walks around the block showing off with a cigarette in our hands and circular puffs of smoke coming from our lips.

Yes, we were in the "in" crowd.  One thing led to another.  We wondered how Julie got such nice clothes, bags and jewelry.  So, she showed us how she went about it. 

First she taught Carolyn.  On a trip to the mall, Julie demonstrated how to take the security tags off of a handbag and then fill it with all the things she wanted to return home with (of course, without paying for a dime of it).

Then, Carolyn showed me the ropes.  So, for months, either Carolyn's parents or mine would drop the two of us besties at the mall to "shop."  Little did our parents know what we were up to.  Each time I returned from the mall, I'd hide the goods in the back of my closet.

Summertime arrived.  And, like every year, I went away to the sleep-over camp sponsored by our Christian youth group.  Each camp day we had a chapel session where a speaker shared ideas from God's word.  Oh, did I feel guilty inside.  I was miserable.  I was unhappy and scared.  I knew what I had been doing was not right.  So, finally, one day, I knew I needed to go forward after the service to ask for prayer and counseling.

I went home feeling a burden had been lifted.

Little did I know that while I was away, my mom decided to clean out my room.  Yes, and she even decided to tidy up my closet.  She was shocked by what she found --makeup, earings, necklaces, purses. . . loads of goods that I had accumulated stealing from area stores.  She immediately called Carolyn's parents.  Carolyn had not gone to camp.  So her parents sat her down and the truth came out.

I arrived home from camp.  From the look on my parent's faces I knew something was wrong.  I got home and they sat me down to talk.  They brought out the piles and piles of stolen goods and asked me what had been going on.  I confessed. They made me go and confess my wrongs to my younger brother to further humble me. 

My parents were too smart. They then made me go back to the stores and give back all the things I had taken.  Talk about having a heart that was going to pound out of my chest.  The stores couldn't prosecute me because I was so young.  So they gave me a stern talking too and told me never to enter their store again.

Why do I bother to confess all this to you?  I decided to air my dirty laundry to let you know that none of us are perfect.  We all have mistakes from our past (and even from our present).  The most important thing is to LEARN and GROW from each and every experience.  Clearly, these teenage issues are long gone, but the lessons I gained from the situation have stayed with me for life.  The errors of my ways have allowed me to relate to young people who are trying so hard to fit in and be cool.

As you enter 2013, why not come to terms with your "mistakes and failures"?  Why not glean the harvest of wisdom these situations offer you?  It's time to own your past and march even stronger and wiser into 2013.

I despise the smell and taste of cigarettes now.  Because of those early mistakes I stayed away from drugs and alcohol as a teenager and young adult.  I was focused and had to take ownership of my actions.  These early mistakes paved the way for the focus and determination I brought to the basketball court as I finished high school.  Nothing would distract me.

Everything we experience is tremendously value IF we learn from it.

So, today, I celebrate your "mistakes" with you because each one is helping to grow you into your potential if you choose to gleen the lessons from it.

Happy New Year,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Own Your Brilliance -- Yes, Shine Bright Like a Diamond!

Just got off the phone with a dear friend.  She and I seem to be learning similar lessons in different forms.  Being a person with an open heart that is full of goodness is a beautiful thing--except, when you share your goodness with those who do not value it.  Some people like to use and abuse what is offered to them.  They are there to leech, to suck you dry and take.  Thus... 

For those of us who have pure intentions and give freely to others, we often have to learn the essential lesson called:

 Discernment. 

Giving to others is a wonderful experience.  Knowing you are in the flow of goodness and that this flow is never-ending and miraculous is incredible.  However, it is important to distinguish who will value this gift and who may trample on it or not even care about what you are offering.  We can learn to be discerning and notice the energy of others.  Then, we can use our gifts with a laser focus to effect tremendous, positive change in our World.

Each of us is created with tremendous brilliance within.  We are each intriniscally valuable and amazing--gifted in ways we haven't yet begun to comprehend.  As we enter 2013, it is essential we begin to wake up to this beauty and sparkle within.  And, we must also learn to value ourselves enough and be discerning enough that we share our gifts with those who are truly open to it.

So, friends, as Rihanna sings it so well, "We are beautiful like diamonds in the sky...Shine bright like a diamond...Shine bright like a daimond...We are beautiful like diamonds in the skye..."

Shine today. Use your gifts wisely.  Open your eyes and ears and be aware.  Choose well when and where you offer the diamond within  you.

Be brilliant as you enter 2013!


With a smile,

Patricia

Shine...TODAY...Shine Bright...NOW is YOUR Time

As I have meditated upon the passing of some very dear friends this past week, I have come to a great deal of personal clarity:  Very little matters...it is only love that matters...today is my day to live with total purpose and passion...today is the day I have to love others with my full attention and focus.

The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary brought that truth even deeper into my heart on Friday.  When I heard the news, more tears streamed down my face.  I could not fathom the deep pain of losing a child.  I have two precious girls of my own and I appreciate them today more than I ever have before.

Life is brief, so very brief, and we do not know what amount of time we will be allotted for our journey.

So, this week, I challenge you to relinquish your fear and nagging self-doubt.  As you close 2012, I encourage you to step more fully into your personal power.   Open to your dreams.  Take your next steps forward to actualize them.  Know that you are full of light and love.  You are a person of amazing value.  Shine that beautiful light you have...Shine...TODAY...Shine Bright...NOW is YOUR Time.

With a simple smile and a hug sent your way,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Another Loss -- Dear Taiwo Bankole, You Inspired Me

Honestly.  I just am in shock.  Sad.  Cried much of today.  I woke up to a BB message from a friend:

"When was the last time you heard from Taiwo?  Is it true?" 

I replied, "Is what true?"

"I'm told he died in a car accident.  I'm trying to reach him.  I don't believe this news.  I won't believe this news," she said.

News confirmed.  Taiwo passed away after being in an accident last night on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway.

WHAT!?!

Taiwo was so happy a few months ago, "Ma, guess what?  They granted me my visa to come to the USA.  I will be visiting you soon."  I smiled.  What an accomplishment.  I was just so delighted for him.

His classic, bright Taiwo Smile...

I met Taiwo several years ago.  As a writer for Vanguard Newspaper's Allure Magazine, I was always searching for ways to showcase positive young people--those who were doing great things to move the nation forward.  And, Taiwo Ogunyemi Bankole was one of those I featured early in my writing (I have pasted the article below).

On one of my next trips to Nigeria he came to visit me in Lagos.  Anytime I would come to Nigeria to speak, Taiwo was sure to visit.  Thus, our close mentor-mentee relationship began to grow. 

Taiwo offered me his heart in the form of the amazing dreams he shared with me.  He was a young man with major vision.  He knew there was a way to touch the lives of young people.  He took action.  He set up summer technology camps in Warri.  He loved Warri and he wanted to see change.  So, he organized the Warri Makeover.  That Taiwo, I was always sure he was up to something positive.

Last year in December he rushed to meet me at the Lagos airport just before I flew to Port Harcourt to speak.  We spent only five minutes together in the airport.  But, each interaction allowed our connection, friendship and trust to deepen.

So, when news came that he got his visa, it was certain he would come and stay with my family in Philadelphia.  He found his way to meet up with me at a Chinese restaurant in Philadelphia.  We ate a good meal, drank tea and then faced the rain and headed to my house.  He was in awe of everything.  The USA had sparked something even grander in Taiwo.  He had started to open to a whole new set of possibilities in his visit.

My Daughters With Taiwo in October, being silly and having fun.  He sure was good at that!

As he left, he was already talking about his next visit.  He was to come visit again in January.  We had just talked at length about his plans. . .we were both excited as we considered the possibilities of how to position him for more growth opportunities.

Then today.  The news came.  He had gone to be with God.  Taiwo is in God's loving arms.  I know he is at peace.  I already miss his smile more than I ever imagined I would. 

Taiwo touched many lives in his short time on Earth.  He was a born leader.  He bubbled positivity.  He had optimism.  He knew he was destined for great things.  He was a determined, dedicated Christian.  He loved his family. 

My prayer is that Taiwo's short life will always be a reminder to me and to those who knew him: 

LIVE YOUR PASSION.  Do things to bring about positive change.  Touch people with your smile and spirit.  Be a leader.  Have no fear. 

Pursue your dreams full throttle and the doors will open for you. 

Only this time, for some reason, God decided to open the doors of heaven to Taiwo. 

I celebrate your life, Taiwo!   I already miss you. 

Love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.


I am copying the original article I wrote on Taiwo for those who care to read it....

The Power of One Who Volunteers


Across the board, the United Nations, National Governments, NGO’s and Non-profit organizations are realizing the essential role that volunteers play in moving communities and nations forward in their development. Consider the words of Kofi Annan, “If our hopes of building a better and safe world are to become more than wishful thinking, we will need the engagement of volunteers more than ever.”

The need for volunteers is urgent. A spirit of selfless service is crucial now to help Nigeria develop and succeed.

What is a volunteer? A volunteer is a person who works without payment for time and services on behalf of others or on a particular cause to promote good. The great news is that ANYONE—yes, anyone willing to offer service—can be a volunteer. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it clearly: “Everyone can be great because anyone can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't even have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. . .You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love . . . .”

Every day we hear plenty of people talk about the need for positive change. We talk about it ourselves. We may have grand visions, yet few step forward to make them a reality.

Meet Ogunyemi Bankole Taiwo. He was born on May 1, 1985, and grew up in Oshodi, Lagos. He studied Chemical and Polymer engineering at Lagos State University. In 2008, his Industrial attachment at the NNPC took Taiwo to Warri. His stay there was life changing. It sparked in him a dream for changing the image of Warri.



In a recent interview, Taiwo told me, “That was when it all started. . . Most people who have heard about Warri view it as one of the most difficult and unsafe regions in the World—known for militancy, kidnapping and gruesome crises. The young people are most especially affected by this image. Hence, when it comes to job interviews and visa applications by indigenes of this region, applicants get disenfranchised and marginalized for fear that they might become rebels. So we came up with a brainstorming session on how we could rebrand the local and international image of Warri. The Warri Makeover was designed and packaged to help rebrand the image of the Warri youths.”

That dream grew. It led to an intense eight months of planning and preparation. It culminated in the Warri Makeover Event held March 25 and 26, 2011.

With great focus, passion and determination, Taiwo and his team of volunteers overcame many obstacles and held a successful event. For his work on the Warri Makeover event, Ogunyemi Bankole Taiwo received Samsung’s Real Dreams Project Award for “The Best Use of Advocacy by Afterschool Development Center.”

Because Taiwo’s story inspired me, I share it with you. My hope is that together we can open our hearts and minds to new possibilities. We can begin to initiate powerful, meaningful transformation in our own communities.



What did it take to put this event together?

Well, it took a large amount of doggedness and passion. It took us our time, money, family, relationships and life being at risk. The first thing we did as an organization was to relay the vision to the local government chairman, Hon. Mofe Edema, who applauded us for coming up with this laudable project. Immediately he pledged his support by endorsing the event. During one of our meetings we initially mapped out during one of our meetings what WARRI MAKEOVER was going to be about: peace keeping and conflict resolution, planting of eco-friendly trees to combat the climate change and painting of public schools to help change the societal look and build a good and beautiful image in the hearts of students. We strategized on what the event would look like, who we would get involved, how many faculties would speak. . .and most importantly, how to raise funds.

Immediately, we started publicizing the event via the social network. We called friends and families to assist us. We visited media houses, wrote letters of invitation to speakers, travelled back and forth to Lagos to source for paint manufacturing firms and request for paint donations.

The Local Government Chairman helped us to Highmark the schools to be painted among the three ethno-geographical districts. . . We knocked on all doors knock-able for fund raising. None opened up, even up to the state level.

What role did volunteers play in this event?

Without the volunteers, much would not have been done. They helped plan the event. They helped with financial resources. They provided their cars for movement around Warri. . They travelled for fund-raising. They had platforms to speak at the school assembly. They helped in publicizing the event and taking care of the management of the online social networks of the event. The volunteers were accessible and also passionate about the vision without being paid a dime.

From your perspective what made the Warri Makeover a great success? What were you able to achieve.

We were able to demonstrate that young people can be synergized in a process to help rebuild the community by doing a social project for free, not like the NYSC where they expect a certificate. We were able to help shape the vision these young students have about beautification and global development via the painting. We were able to reach a communiqué agreement. We were able to help rebrand the image of Warri such that people can see that a new Warri is emerging.

We introduced initiatives and plans like MADE IN WARRI, FORUSBYUS, WAFFY247 (AN USHAIDI KIND OF MOBILE APPLICATION PLATFORM FOCUSED ON KIDNAPPING AND CRISES NEWS which was unveiled during the event).

The event gave us a platform to help re-create our environment and make it sustainable with the planting of trees. We have accomplished the re-birth of a new set of young people passionate about social change. Our goal is that in the next two years, Warri will become a most sought after region globally.

Why do you think people should become volunteers?

People should volunteer because it gives them leverage. I have always volunteered all my life, from the Boys Brigade to becoming a school volunteer at Jets clubs, to becoming a volunteer and a youth leader in school. I volunteered to be in charge of the IT management during one of the trainings I attended at the Afterschool Graduate Development Centre. I became the first trainee by the same firm to be given an internship position. This allowed me to attend conferences. This placed me at the cutting edge to meet great speakers. I built networks with sought after individuals.

Really, I would not be where I am today if not for God via volunteering. Like I tell people, if you need a job in Shell, Chevron, Mobil, or Goldman Sachs, write to them. Tell them that you would like to volunteer without pay to gain work experience. Tell them that if they don’t find you competent enough, they can reject you after one week. Nobody rejects such passion. You may find your way into becoming the MD of a firm one day. Volunteering is a key to social development. Knowing this has made me open a Facebook page tagged “Who Wants To Be a Volunteer?” which currently has more than 80 members.

What place does volunteering have in Nigeria?

Yes. Volunteers can help develop Nigeria. I think Nigerian youths should start looking in this direction to make things happen in their lives. We don’t have to wait for the government to fix things. We can definitely fix things ourselves.

If you have questions about volunteering, consider reaching out to Taiwo on Facebook or create your own path. The fields for volunteering are ripe for harvest. Find one and get to work.

Food For Thought

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

Edmund Everett Hale

©Patricia G. Omoqui, 2011