Stop The Worldwide Epidemic of Silent Suffering: Take Off Your Mask!

Why Are We All So Ashamed?

Do you like to look in the mirror?  When you do, what do you see?  Is it a friend or someone you don’t like very much, maybe even someone you are ashamed of?  If your answer was self-critical, ask yourself why?  What is it that dissatisfies you? 

We are embarrassed about ourselves, our relatives, our incomes, our accents, the shade of our skin, our tribe of origin, our education…you finish your list.  Have you considered the effects of these self-judgments?  Have you really sat with them and let yourself feel their impact on your heart and mind?

I have.  There have been many points in my life that insecurity has dominated my self-view.  In my teenage years I disliked my “big” body.  I felt fat, uncomfortable in my own skin.  I was consumed with how to change my body so that I could feel better about myself.   

When I attended Princeton, I carried my dislike of my figure with me.  I couldn’t see myself as a tall, strong athlete.  Instead, I interpreted myself as heavy and clumsy.  At Princeton my self-criticism increased.  I felt less than many of my peers—they were rich, from elite families and I was from a single-parent home where we had to trust each month that we would meet the bills. They were all so intellectual and I wondered if I had the academic prowess to fit in.  My insecurities caused me to hide – to stay away from certain gatherings and if I went, to be quiet, unsure of how to present myself.  I couldn’t fully see my successes on the basketball court or in the classroom because my vision was clouded with fear of not being good enough.

These shameful feelings are the source of deep, personal pain that we try to ignore and hide.  We don’t want anyone else to know who we really are.   Shame colors all of our relationships.  Somehow we have concluded that we are flawed while others are “normal”. 

So, we create a mask that hides everything that is real about us.  We build up an identity to support our chosen image.  As others accept it, we become more and more invested in maintaining that false image.  We have worked hard to give people certain impressions.  Everyone else appears to be doing just fine.  We fear that if they “really knew us” they might laugh, disapprove or even worse, reject us.   We become proud of this artificial view of ourselves.

So, we keep up the pretense.  We are experts at putting on smiles, even when we’re crying inside.  We feel terrified that if the “truth” about our life is uncovered then our lives will be shattered.   The irony is that we are already shattered inside.  We feel helpless, unsure of how to put ourselves back together. 

Silent suffering is a worldwide epidemic. 

What we think of as our own private and unique suffering is actually very common.   It’s ironic we feel so alone when the heartaches of the human experience visit us all.  Because we reject ourselves we continually feel unacceptable to others. Many of us know the despair of having conclusively judged ourselves as just not good enough.  The result?  We become lost in addictions.  Our anger festers.  Physical, emotional, sexual and mental abuse from family, friends or strangers remains secret and unhealed.   We ache inside, wanting agonizing memories and feelings to fade.   Ironically, the more we push them away, the more power we give them. 

Once we give voice to our story we realize we are not the only ones suffering!   I’ve had encounters recently with people who were trapped by shame and pain of the past.  One person in particular was unusually embarrassed by his family background and level of education.  He was a warm, friendly articulate person but that wasn’t his view.  He believed he didn’t know how to talk to people.  Those who knew him were baffled and frustrated.  They couldn’t understand why he felt this way. What did it matter that his family was poor and promiscuous?

For years he had kept a painful secret:  he had been sexually abused as a child.  He hadn’t told anyone because he assumed that it was his fault that it happened when he was just a child, barely 11.  He had suffered intensely for over 10 years, feeling completely alone.  He couldn’t sleep.  This shame poisoned every aspect of his life.  Finally, after years of silence, he confided in someone he trusted and the door opened for healing to begin.

I have found that most people relate to stories of people who honestly admit the pain of abandonment, disappointment, and other kinds of brokenness.  If our experience as humans is so similar, why do all of us think our stories are unique and fear embarrassment if someone would ever discover the details?  As William Blake once said, “Shame is pride’s cloak.”  What we feel shame about and are most afraid to tell others is not what makes us different, it is what binds us together.  How it does is our choice.  It is either in mute discomfort or in compassionate connection if we are willing to take the risk to speak it aloud.

I’m not suggesting that you should blurt out your deepest secrets.  What I am saying is that in private moments with yourself that you take off your mask.  Begin to look differently in the mirror.  Instead of looking with judgmental programming, look with the compassion of your Source.  See your fears and insecurities, your wounds and secrets.  Lovingly acknowledge them to yourself and the Divine.  It might seem like a tiny step but it is a profoundly powerful move towards personal transformation.

As I sat in a coffee shop finishing this blog, a man walked through the door.  I was astonished at the message on his t-shirt, “Take your mask off.”  It reminded me of how much the Universe loves each of us.  What we need always appears in the moment.  Start where you are.  Imagine this week how different you would feel if you took off your mask, looked in the mirror and opened to the possibility of absolutely loving yourself?

I will leave you with a beautiful poem to bring all this contemplation deeper....

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That is how the light gets in.

(By Leonard Cohen, lyrics from his album The Future)

With Love, 

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com

A Fresh Approach to Navigating Intense Difficulty--the "Twenty-Year" Look Back Perspective

I sat with a mom this week who is 15 years ahead of me in Life's journey.  Her kids are now grown.  She shared with me some of the intense times she had walked through with her kids.  One of her children had a learning disability and a unique way of learning that caused him not to "fit" in the traditional school system.  She recalled times of incredible distress she had with her child--forging ahead, trying to find solutions and seeing the child struggle through the process.

She recalled how exhausted and upset she was at the time.  She suffered tremendously as she tried to figure out how to help this child.  She was worried, often sick  to her stomach.  She had sleepless nights.  She was riddled with fear in her body, mind and spirit--always living in "worst-case-scenario" thinking.  She said, "Trish, I wish I hadn't been in a panic those years. I wish I hadn't made my self sick to my stomach every day.  I wasted so much life-energy fretting and feeling afraid of my child's future.  Everything ended up turning out for my child.  His path was just very different than most kids.  He struggled all along the way but eventually found a way forward."

Too often, when we experience life struggles we add complexity too it.  We add layers of thinking around it that increases our suffering.  We torment ourselves in our minds.  We make ourselves physically sick and emotionally distraught as we navigate difficulty.

We infuse self-judgment into the situation thinking that there must be something wrong with who we are because we have something challenging going on in our lives. Too often, we feel like we are the only ones that are having a hard time.  But, we aren't.  Just because the people around us put on smiles and pretend everything is okay, doesn't mean their lives are perfect or better.  In some way, shape or form, they too have their day to day struggles.  Underneath the masks and in their private moments, they too have panic and tears.

We add layers of fearful thinking to the difficulty.  We project worst-case scenario outcomes into the future and thus live in  a constant feeling of exacerbated trauma and panic.  We literally exhaust our mind, body and spirit with the fear.

The reality for each of us is this:  Life brings each and everyone of us intense, difficult challenges on a regular basis.  Does this mean something is wrong with us?  Does this mean something is wrong with our lives?

No.

Our greatest wounds and difficulties become our greatest gifts to the planet.  We are meant to experience a variety of intense periods of challenges to work through.  These times of crisis can serve to strengthen us, to expand us, to cause us to deepen our views and grow our understanding.   It is the experiencing, surpassing and overcoming that allow us the depths of the human experience....and the eventual compassion for others and wisdom to offer to the world at large.

If you are experiencing hardship, I have some good news for you today.

Your life IS on schedule.  Your journey is unfolding just as it is meant to.  Your "personal development plan" is coming about in the perfect way, at the appointed time.  You are being grown!

So, could it be that we might be able to experience times of difficulty in a new way?  What if life's difficult moments don't have to be filled with intense suffering?

What if rather than resisting and fighting what life brings our way, we began to simply open to it?

What if our spirit could relax into the situation rather than tensing up and cringing?

What if instead of judging ourselves and feeling there is something wrong with who we are, we instead realized that there is a Divine gift in every experience put on Life's path?

What if it is ALL meant for our highest good, growth and development--whether it is a mountain-top experience that exhilarates us or a dark-valley experience that confounds us?

Think of it this way.  When you hear older people look back 20 years in their lives and describe the difficulty, they can do so with a deep perspective.  They can see that no matter what it is that happened, somehow and someway, they made it through!  They also often describe how the circumstances were used in some significant way to forward their journey and get them to new vistas and opportunities they could never have guessed would come about.  They often say, "If only I knew then what I know now, I would not have been so upset, distraught and fearful during that period of my life."

What if rather than waiting for 20 years to have that depth of understanding, we began to choose that "20-year looking back view" in the here and now?

Let's stop judging the pain and difficulties as "something is wrong" or "this is bad."  Instead, we can choose to know that no matter how things might appear, It is ALL RIGHT at ALL TIMES in ALL WAYS.  It is more perfectly designed and woven together than we can comprehend.

We could look at our present trials and say--this situation may not feel good to me.  But, if Life has brought the challenge, then I must have what it takes to make it through this situation one second at a time.  We could refuse to judge ourselves and become fearful--and instead, open our hearts and mind knowing that the wisdom we need, the resources that need to appear will some how and some way come about.  We could save ourselves tremendous exhaustion and choose to have faith and hope knowing that a Divine Grace is just as present in a time of difficulty as it is in a time of success and ease.

Let us all open to the idea today that it can be well with us and we can connect to peace no matter what we are facing.

I'm practicing these ideas with you.

With a smile and a hug,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

My Treatment Plan Step 2: Consciously Create & Choose New Thoughts

I'm excited to share Step 2 of the treatment plan that worked for me in overcoming my addiction to stressful thinking and non-stop doing.

(If you missed the blog where I gave a full confession of the addiction that caused me great suffering, perhaps you want to read that before reading this blog:  http://harnessyourpower.blogspot.com/2016/09/full-disclosure-confessions-of-my.html .  I then shared Step 1 of my treatment plan and it may be wise to read that before you delve into today's materials:  http://harnessyourpower.blogspot.com/2016/09/personal-treatment-plan-step-1.html .)

After I spent time observing my inner realms and discovering just how full my mind was of fear and self-judgment, at first a terrible grief overcame me.  "How could I have done this to myself for so long?"  I felt regret.  I had wasted so much energy.  I had experienced so much inner conflict and turmoil.  I had been my own worst enemy.

I also felt tremendous relief!  "No wonder I felt so awful!  Now I understand where the terrible exhaustion, chest pain and emotional roller coaster ride had come from."

Discovering the root of my suffering--my thought patterns--was a major breakthrough for me.  Just the fact that I was aware of the mental patterns, allowed me to not identify so closely with thoughts.  This bit of distance the awareness created, showed me I am not my thinking.  It took the edge off my pain.  I realized that I could observe my thoughts and notice them without believing them wholeheartedly.

And, to go a step further, I realized that if I observed the old patterns starting inside my mind, I could push the "pause" button.  I could create enough space, that timeless moment of opportunity, where I could make a new choice, a conscious choice of thoughts that would be based in the energy of love, self-kindness and empowerment.

As I worked through the process of self-discovery, I did a very simple exercise.  I took a paper and a pen.  I drew a line down the middle of the paper to make 2 columns.  I titled the left column "My Current Thoughts" and I titled the right column "My New Thoughts".  On the left column, I created two sections:  Fears and Self-Talk.  My paper looked like this (for people viewing this blog with their mobile phones, the formatting isn't working...so try to  visualize this in your mind):

My Current Thoughts                                                 My New Thoughts

Fears:



Self-Talk:



Through observation, I began to inventory all the thoughts that had been tormenting me and draining my energy.  Once I started taking time to study my thoughts, I saw there were patterns.  The same old fears played over and over in my head.  The self-talk was highly predictable--I criticized myself about the same things day in and day out.

To unmask it all, I put it on paper.

It was amazing to see it in black and white.  It felt embarrassing at first to discover that this mental programming was dictating how I felt and the results I was getting in my life experience.

But, it was empowering to realize that the haphazard mental programming could be thrown out.  I realized that I had the power to write New, Fresh, Empowered thoughts that could transform my inner realms and allow me to experience more peace, joy and energy than ever before.

I took the first step and I wrote down the current thinking (yes, the thoughts I am writing below were actually some of the thoughts I'd been thinking--feel free to chuckle if you like):

My Current Thoughts                                                                My New Thoughts

Fears:

I'm going to end up divorced like my parents were.
I'm going to run out of money and
not be able to pay my bills.
Maggie, my daughter, is going to be limited
because of her physical illness


Self-Talk:

I'm not good enough wife.
I'm not a good enough mom.
I should be more successful than I am right now.
My butt is too big.
My house is not as neat or nice as other peoples.
I'm overwhelmed and I can't handle all this.

__________________

There it was.  The thoughts that I had allowed unknowingly to take over my life--those were the thoughts I had now captured and put on paper.  It was now time to take my observations and move to the next phase of work.

It was time to construct new thoughts--conscious ones.  I needed new thinking that would allow me to feel well, to be my best, to experience peace and to support my life journey.

So, I went to work.  For each thought that was causing me to feel bad inside, I decided I would need to create a replacement thought--a new option.  It was not easy to do this at first.  I had gotten so used to viewing myself and my life from one perspective, that I struggled to find new options.  Once I started the door to brainstorming new thoughts, new options came to mind. I also discovered books already written on the topic which were a treasure trove of new possibilities.

I went down my page and started filling in the second column.  Here is some of what I did:

My Current Thoughts                                  My New Thoughts

Fears:

I'm going to end up divorced.                      I can create a good marriage.

I'm going to run out of money.                   I am abundant. I open to all that I need.                                                                                              

Maggie is going to be limited.                   I will do everything to give Maggie a good life.

Self-Talk:

I'm not good enough wife.                          I am a caring, compassionate wife.

I'm not a good enough mom.                      I give myself credit as a mom.

I should be more successful.                       I do be my best each day to get results.

My butt is too big.                                I choose to celebrate my shape.                                                                                                      
_______________

So, that was the start of it.  I began to look for:

What's good with me, with my life? vs. What's wrong with me, with my life?

What do I want to see happen in my life? (my vision) rather than "What am I afraid will happen?" (my fear)

Thought by thought, moment by moment, I began to experiment with new possibilities.  I noticed quickly that when I was able to use the new thoughts, I felt better.  I had more energy.  I had peace.  I felt my stress reduce.

And, when the old patterns of thinking tried to regain control in my mind, I used my "observation capacity" to just notice the old patterns rather than believing them fully.  The power of awareness I gained by watching my mental patterns allowed me to see humor in it all rather than unconsciously going deep into pain and suffering.

I played with new ways of thinking.  I experimented.  With time, I started to find new thoughts that felt better, that resonated with me.

Be patient with yourself--old habits take time to release.  And so, the work of consciously choosing better thoughts began.  Day by day, thought by thought, I began to do the inner practice of creating new habits in my mind.  In time, some remarkable changes came about inside me. (Caution:  I chose to be determined, deeply dedicated to my personal change.  I did this work daily for months on end...and decided never to turn back.  This resulted in drastic improvements in my peace and well-being.  Only do this if you feel ready.)

I hope and pray this gives you some fresh energy, some new ideas to take away.  I recommend you give the exercise I described above a try.  It is powerful.

If you get stuck, don't take it all too seriously.  You will find the solutions you need with time.  And, there are plenty of people who are a bit further ahead on this path of conscious thought --seek out help from them.  (That also means you can reach out to me if you want to run ideas by me...).

With my love, 

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com 

Personal Treatment Plan, Step 1: Observing the Inner Realm

As I woke this morning it occurred to me that those who could relate to my blog yesterday on my addiction to stress and constant Doing (http://harnessyourpower.blogspot.com/2016/09/full-disclosure-confessions-of-my.html) may want to understand some of the steps I've taken to transform and find some peace.

As I sat with my chest pain and as I felt overcome by the emotional pain of my daughter's medical challenges, I began to break apart.  Moments of sadness would flood my spirit--even in the workplace, I would have to retreat to my office or to the bathroom to force my tears to stay inside.  I felt completely broken.  Nothing made sense.  How could I be this upset inside myself?  Everyone around me seemed to be doing okay.  But, I was shattered.  I was trying very hard not to allow others to know the depths of my suffering and that only increased my levels of exhaustion.

Thankfully, I had a life line--my mom.  She was someone who I could open up to and share the intensities of my inner world.  She was patient.  She simply listened as I processed aloud the challenges I was walking through.  My mom is a deep, spiritual woman, incredibly wise from her own life-time of difficulties.  She also happens to be a lover of books and had accumulated a whole library of spiritually focused reading materials.  She handed me a book one day in hopes of extending something that could assist me in those dark, evening moments when I sat alone with my tears in my bedroom.

I placed the book on my bedside table and forgot about it.  Until, one evening in my personal despair, I reached for it, opened it and began to read.

One concept in the book --one line of words--struck me deeply and offered me the clue I needed for the beginning phase of my transformation:

In any moment, you can either choose a thought that is based in fear or you can choose a thought that is based in love.  If your thoughts are based in fear, you will experience pain and suffering.  If your thoughts are based in love, you will create a life that feels joyful and peaceful.

The words caused me to pause and contemplate, to look deeply within myself.  I had always thought of myself as a positive, optimistic person.  I had been the "cheerleader" for others on and off the basketball court, the "inspirational person," the "glass-is-half-full" type of person.  But as I read the words, I knew that my life felt full of pain and suffering.  I had thought that it was the circumstances that were causing my distress.  But, I decided to look a little closer.  Were my thoughts based in fear?  I had been an adventurer, traveling world wide.  I was a dedicated Christian woman and constantly had turned to God for support and assistance my whole life.  There was no way I was full of fear....or, was I?

I WAS.  I WAS FULL.  I WAS FULL OF FEAR.

I started the process of observing my thoughts one by one.  I became determined.  I was going to get to the bottom of this awful feeling I had inside myself.  I did not like feeling this way.  I did not want to live the rest of my days feeling the intense pain that had taken over my being.  I did not want to be on the verge of tears all day, every day.  I did not want to feel that life was a constant struggle. 

So, the practice of observing my thoughts began.  I literally studied my thinking through the day.  I did so all day, every day for months.  I used simple tools for this personal discovery.  I had a journal and a pen.  I logged my observations.  I began to see that my mind was a busy, hot mess.  It was full of all sorts of fearful thoughts--What would happen to my new baby--would she be okay or would she be destined to a life of limitation?  Would my marriage survive?  I did not want to end up divorced like my parents had.  What did other people think of me?  I was unhappy with my body and had struggled on the verge of an eating disorder from the time I was teen into my early twenties.  Would I be stuck in a job that felt empty forever?  I wondered if this was all there was to life.  Yes, I was good at what I did in the workplace--one of the highest achievers and on the fast track to promotions that everyone longed for.  But, it was not satisfying my deeper yearnings for meaning.

There it was, right in front of me in black and white.  Thought after thought, thinking pattern after thinking pattern.  I discovered the root of my suffering.  I had a mind riddled with fear, self-doubt, self-judgment and guilt.

Sadness and grief overcame me.  How had I learned to do this to myself?  How could I be my own worst enemy?  How could I have been causing this level of pain and suffering inside myself?  How could I learn to get beyond this type of thinking?  

I began to see that I, Patricia, was not the sum of my thoughts.  There was something bigger to me, a grandness of my Being that existed beyond the small, furiously-thinking mind.  My mind was one tool--a tool that I had been unaware of.  A tool that had been mis-programmed and mis-used for 29 years.

I connected to that aspect of myself, I call it the "Observer," the part of me that could sit and observe what was happening inside my mind.  I realized that as I watched the thinking, I did not necessarily have to identify with it nor feel the pain and suffering that it had been causing me for so long.  I could sit, observe the patterns, chronicle them on paper and learn my personal patterns.

It was scary at first.  It was incredibly humbling to get real with myself and look so closely at my inner messes.  But, it was the first step to my recovery.

Are you ready to take a deeper look inside?  It can seem frightening at first, but what I can promise is you is this:  you will begin to find all the clues needed to regain your peace, to connect with your personal power and to begin to create a life that feels good to you.  It starts with the inner work first.  As the inner realm gets cleaned up, then the outer changes one desires naturally come about.

My outer circumstances didn't change for quite awhile.  I sat in that boring office for several more years.  But, it became an exciting place of self-discovery for me.  My daughter didn't spontaneously heal.  I had to walk day-by-day through countless tests, therapy appointments and difficult circumstances.  I still had moments of deep sadness, deep despair and incredible disappointment with myself.  But, I now knew how to trace my feelings back to the thoughts that were at the root of my pain.  Day by day I observed and studied my patterns.  Moment by moment I was led to the small changes I could make in my thinking that would begin to slowly alleviate my inner suffering.

Over a several year period I was able to do massive inner clean-up.

Beware: if you venture into this inner world and begin this process, you may not like what you find.  Imagine going into a house that hasn't been cleaned for 29 years.  Imagine stinky bags of rotting trash, piles upon piles of refuse and waste that has sat untouched.  Imagine layers upon layers of dust and grime that have built up.  Now, imagine being brave and putting on a haz-mat suit, and bag by bag, cleaning out the home of your mind.  It's not the most enjoyable work at first, in fact it is stinky, dirty, yukky and can make you feel like you want to vomit.  But like anything in life that ends up being worthwhile, putting forth the effort to clean the place up will result in some exciting rewards with time.  Eventually, if you clean-up your mind thought by thought, room by room, you will create space for something new.  And, every bag of trashy thinking you haul out, opens up a bit more room for some peace or some freedom.

If this is too overwhelming to do on your own, seek some help.  A professional certified coach or a psychologist, a trusted counselor or a friend who has been through this process--find someone who can guide you, support you and listen to you as you go through this process of self-discovery.  It is some of the hardest work I've ever done in my life but it pays off in a life-time of rewards.  Changing from the inside out provides lasting, life-long results!  It's worth of every second of effort.

I share this from the deepest part of my soul and with all the love I have in me, 

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com 

Yes, I am a professional certified coach--and I'm so thankful I had to go through this my process myself.  I have expertise in guiding others through life transformations.  So, if you are ready to pay for the support you need, reach out to me.  It is a joy for me to work with those who are READY to put the work in for this deep level of life-change.

Full Disclosure: Confessions of My Addiction & My Transformation

It's time for full disclosure:  I am a recovering addict.  My substance of choice was non-stop DOING.  Somehow, along the line, I had swallowed the idea that if I was not striving at full throttle, then I was wasting time.  If I was not pushing, fully dedicated to success and the climb to the top, then I was going to fall behind.  I had come to believe that relaxation was a hindrance--if I sat on the bench even for a moment, there would be a thousand other people who would be getting ahead of me.  I adhered to the philosophy that from morning to night I must dedicate my whole self to ACTION, running to and fro at total intensity to reach my peak.

Slowly, over a period of years, I've woken up from my frantic, frenetic stressed "high."  The adrenalin-junky in me had caused many of my physical and emotional systems to blow.  At age 31, I had become an expert at living the non-stop, success-enthusiast lifestyle.   But my body started to "yell" at me:  chest pains, intense ones, were some of the first signals letting me know that my addiction to work and pushing for progress were backfiring on my well-being.

After the doctor put me on the treadmill to check my heart, he delivered the bad news:  your heart is physically fine.  You are too stressed.  Stress is causing this sharp pain in your chest.  You need a lifestyle change.

Me?  A high-performing former professional basketball player was being told to slow down?  Me?  A corporate-ladder climbing expert was being advised to back off my game?  I was panic stricken--"If I don't keep up the effort, I am not going to be successful in life.  If I don't give 1000% every day, I won't be as sharp, smart, high-achieving.  People will beat me to the mark if I back off."

But I had to choose:  continue the addict lifestyle that got me to this point of physical pain and risk eventual heart attack OR find a new way.

To top it off, I became pregnant with my first child and when she arrived and I was told by doctors, "She may not walk, talk or live a normal life." My emotional world took me to the edge of the inner cliff.  Either I was going to fall down into the cavern of despair or I had to find a way to process my palpable, pain-stricken mind and spirit.

I've changed.  It's taken awhile and, quite honestly, there are many a moment when I'm tempted to go back to my old ways of thinking, doing and being.   What I've learned is that this highly-esteemed way of non-stop striving and doing is OVER-rated.  Is that a path to external success?  Yes, it can be and I reaped many benefits for a time of having chosen that path as a teen and young adult.  I ended up as an academic Princetonian.  I became a top basketball player at Princeton and then played overseas in Brazil, England and Sweden.  I launched a fast-tracked corporate career that had me headed toward "VP status by my early 30s."  To outside observers, I had it going on.  I had it "all".

But, inside, I was in a constant state of anxiety.  My inner-being was constantly pushing me, beating me up like a task master that was never satisfied with any achievement.  "More, Trish, you can achieve more.  Work harder, longer.  Push yourself.  You can do better.  You can be more.  You haven't done enough."  At the time I thought that was normal.  That's all I had known.

When Life delivered a drastic turn and I crashed on the side of the road, I stopped and re-evaluated everything.  I studied my thinking and discovered that beneath my striving was fear:  fear of not being good enough, fear of not being accepted by others, fear of not reaching my potential, fear of my marriage failing, fear of my body not being perfect...

Though my outer achievements demonstrated success, my inner world was one of discordant energy, moments of despair and a general malaise of sadness.  Of course, nobody would have ever noticed my inner state because I had learned to put on my positive "can-do" cheerleader attitude all day, every day.  I was even blind to the fact that I had this much unrest within my spirit because I never stepped back to listen to all of the messages my mind, body and spirit.

I'm grateful I crashed.  I'm so thankful now that I chose to sit with myself and pay attention to the wise messages my inner Being offered me.  Since 2002, I've gone through a massive transformation--from the inner thought world....to how I choose to be and live my outer world.  It's taken practicing awareness of my thoughts and choices.  It's taken experimentation of new ways of being and living.  It's taken a willingness to go against the American-non-stop-schedule norm.  It's taken courage to try new approaches that seem to those around me a radical departure of my old-path of "success."

The result:  I experience deeper levels of peace and wellness than I ever thought possible.  I now value health, relaxation, rest, down-time, calm in myself and in my relationships.  As I've slowed down and quieted my mind, I've connected to a deeper level of Divine wisdom that has guided me through every step of this personal transformation.

I am a recovering "Stress-Non-Stop-Doing-Addict."  But I've come along way from where I was 13 years ago.  And, I'm grateful.

Why bother sharing this with the World at large?  Simply to share that if you find your current lifestyle isn't working for you---you aren't alone.  There are MANY other ways to live life.  There are many different options for your Inner and Outer Being.  So, if this over-committed, over-worked, over-stressed, over-indulgent way of life isn't working, you do NOT have to continue to live that way.

Perhaps it's time to step back and withdraw a bit.  Maybe some time for discovering the messages your inner-world has been whispering, even shouting, at you, will inform new choices with your time and energy.

Just because our culture has normalized "Stress-Non-Stop-Doing" as a badge of "Success," doesn't mean it's a sustainable way to be in the world.  If you take a closer look you may realize that the hard core addicts of stress are numbing themselves with glasses of beer and wine each night and starting there day taking an anti-depressant or a cocktail of other chemical aids for their physical body to keep their routines going.

I encourage you to determine what way of being and doing will work for you.  There isn't a right or wrong.  It's time for self-discovery and exploration--of charting new territory for ourselves, our families and humanity at large.  Caution:  people will criticize you if you step back, if you slow down, if you consider doing things different than the norm.  Don't let that hinder your choice of re-evaluation.  Forge ahead into new inner territories with courage.  Just like Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492 to find new worlds, now it's time to do the same pioneering in the vast, unexplored Inner Worlds.

In no way have I perfected my new way of Being...I'm still exploring, fine-tuning and experimenting on a daily basis.  The biggest mental breakthrough that fuels me is:  I really don't care how others do it.  I know now that I must fearlessly pay attention to my voice of inner guidance and live in accordance with what I value regardless of how the other 99% of the world chooses to conduct their lives.  At the end of the day, the only person that looks in the mirror back at me is ME.  At the end of my life, the only being I carry to the other side is MY Spirit that will then have a conversation with the Divine and answer for the choices I made in my lifetime.

I didn't plan on writing all this today, but it flowed through my fingers onto this blog.  I hope it got you thinking, perhaps questioning the status quo.

Let's chart a new, better course for humanity together...Let's do so by BEING the change we want to see and LIVING the change we want to see.

Let me what you think ;)

Much love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

The Payoff of Doing the Inner Work

Yesterday I took my three children to the pool for an evening of fun and relaxation.  We have lived in this condo community for about four years now so we are familiar with many people's faces but don't always know their names.  One such woman was observing and smiling at us as our little one Sage, was having fun splashing as a toddler does in the shallow waters.

Later, the woman got up and as she passed by us, said to me, "I've been watching you for several years now.  How is it that you are so calm?  I've never seen you lose your cool and you have so much on your plate."

I responded, "I meditate--a LOT.  Every day I sit in silence and this allows me to hold the space for myself and others.  I am not perfect.  I do lose my cool sometimes."

We smiled as we talked about being human and then she headed on her way.

What struck me deeply is that the constant, focused inner work I've been doing for the past 13 years has been an investment.  I am reaping tremendous reward, invisible to many:  I move through my days with an almost unshakable peace.  Finally, after spending years healing my childhood traumas, a sense of joy is beginning to rise within my spirit.  I am able to hold a space of calm open when my children tantrum and when my coaching clients are in deep, dark despair.  From sitting with my own fears and facing them, I now see that the mind's tricks are merely an illusion that I no longer need to buy into.  From sitting with and caring for my own distressed inner child, I've learned that if I allow a person the space to move through their emotions, a sense of calm can be found just beneath the inner storm.

Most of humanity is running to and fro chasing the outer adornments of success:  high paying jobs, fancy cars, designer clothes, bags and shoes, big mc-mansions.  What is it getting them?  Material stuff.  I witness first hand it is NOT all that it is cracked up to be.  In fact, the millionaire coaching clients I work with often have the highest degrees of inner sadness and despair I have ever seen.  I have the privilege of being allowed into their inner world and it has shown me that outer success does not mean deep peace nor happiness.  In fact, the outer success often leads to a deepening sense of despair and separation from everyone.

What's my point in sharing all of this with you today?

I want to encourage you to do your inner work.

Observe your mind's antics and come to discover that a fear is just a thought of something you don't want to happen in your life.  Become aware that you have the power to become the master of your mind rather than allowing your mental frenzy to consume and take over your life.

Take the time to foster a practice of daily silence and meditation.  Be still. Know God through prayer and meditation.  Connect regularly with the Divine space of total love, total acceptance, total peace, all-encompassing compassion.  This may sound distant and even impossible to you right now.  It sure felt that way to me about 13 years ago.  But day after day, as I sat quietly for a few minutes at a time, something began to change inside me.  Openings for insight, intuition and hearing God's voice within me began to emerge as I just kept showing up in the quiet seeking the answers my soul desperately needed.  Now, these times of silence are my life-line to undisturbed peace and calm no matter the circumstances that might arise on a day to day basis.

Begin to question everything.  We've all been brain-washed, hypnotized to believe that what the World and Media tell us is true is what we should be doing and pursuing.  Why not step back and observe awhile?  Start to look more deeply at the messages.  What am I really here for on this planet?  What is it my heart truly longs for?  What is it time to let go of?  How can I begin to simplify my life so that it is not stress-filled?  If what society's thinks hasn't led me to a sense of peace and joy, then what type of thinking would allow me to find true riches?

Open to accepting yourself just as you are.  I used to beat myself up in my mind all day, every day.  The result was a tired, haggard version of me.  People on the outside had no idea how sad I was on the inside because of my self-loathing.  Nobody knew I was on the verge of an eating disorder because I judged my physical body so harshly.  Nobody knew that I didn't feel good enough as a wife, mom or corporate worker.  I had all the outer-packaging of success:  a Princeton degree, a career as a pro basketball player, a nice house, car and ideal looking life.  Yet, I was unhappy inside--more distressed than I realized.  When I began to study my thinking, in particular, my self-talk, I saw that I was my own worst enemy and my biggest critic.  I would spend hours each day picking myself apart.  I have re-trained myself not to do this anymore.  I've re-programmed my mind in a way that supports a sense of empowerment and well-being.  I have cultivated self-grace and compassion. I've chosen to seen the beauty and perfection in my ever-evolving body, mind and spirit.  I've learned to see myself as a child of God, made marvelously in the Divine image.  I've realized that judging myself against the world's fake and outrageous standards of beauty and success is not needed. Instead, I've defined and created my own views on what a happy, fulfilled, purposeful and successful life means to me.

What results from this inner work?  Peace.  Joy.  Inner grace.  Awareness of Divine protection and guidance flowing through and to me every moment of every day.  Self-love.  A deepening compassion for others who are on a similar journey of waking up to their truth and power.  A wonderful, exciting sense of my purpose on the planet.

So...my challenge to each of us is this:  begin to cultivate daily practices that help us clean-up the inner spaces.  With time and focus, we can heal from and become free of inner trauma.  We can clean-up the mental patterns that limit us and cause us despair.  Does it take some work and effort?  Sure, it does.  But, the results of this inner work lay a foundation for a life-time of lasting peace and joy.  Every second, minute, hour and day I've invested into this self-mastery has been immensely worthwhile!

As is the journey of life, I get to keep growing and I still have plenty of my own inner work to do.  And, I do so joyously with you,

With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com

Break Free of External Definitions - Be Uniquely YOU

It's time to unmask this ridiculous mentality the majority have bought into:  Feeling Less Than-- believing that it's okay to regularly enter an inner, mental abuse chamber of self-deprecation and self-mutilation.

I don't feel my words are extreme.  I feel they are accurate.  After spending hour after countless hour with coaching clients, I've heard how hard people can be on themselves.  I've seen how they beat themselves up and have an underlying sense of just not ever being "good enough".  I've seen the sense of desperation and sadness of never feeling like they can measure up no matter how hard they try.

How does this happen?  How is it that beautiful beings who enter this life happy, pure and full of amazing energy are somehow programmed to think that who they are is not okay?

Humanity has been hypnotized by unconscious thinking--by systems that teach us to compare ourselves with one another.  By systems that have designed limited definitions of success--that there are only certain forms of success that are "acceptable."  If you are the jock who shines on the sports turf or the academic genius who can memorize and pass exams--then, you are deemed "great".  If you are the corporate person who can climb the ladder and earn the big bucks then you are told you "have arrived."  If you have a body that matches the tall, skinny, light-skinned definition of magazine-cover-model beauty, then you are "pretty."

Really?

REALLY?

REALLY FOLKS??

I am not the type of person to swear.  But as I sit here and mull over the thinking 99% of humanity has unconsciously accepted, I must say this:  B*llsh*t.  We need to unmask this for ourselves.  We need stop  blindly and unknowingly believing what we've been told about how to be "acceptable" in the World's eyes.

Each of us is a remarkable being born full of tremendous genius and talent.  But, we have been told in subtle and blatant ways:  "You aren't good enough.  Compare yourself to external standards.  You really just don't measure up and you probably never will."

It's time to QUESTION THIS!

Let's wake up.  Let's do so together.  Let's stop allowing these old patterns of thought that have kept far too many people stuck for much too long.

It's time to call Humanity's bluff.  It's time to wake up from the toxic mental programming.

Just because a person doesn't fit some limited form of "success", doesn't mean they aren't valuable or important.

It's time to expand the definitions of beauty, success and talent.  It's time to teach our children and re-teach our adults to value their uniqueness.  It's time to start having fun more and drop this mental imprisonment.

Each of us has the opportunity to chart our own journey.  Each of us has the opportunity to begin to accept ourselves as we are and open up to exploring the fascinating, complex, configuration of potential built into us at birth.

Imagine for a minute if rather than feeling bad about yourself all day because you are comparing yourself to how much other's have, how pretty others, how far along others seem to be -- if instead, you just opened up your mind and spirit and decided to have some fun and experiment with becoming your best self.  Your "success" SHOULD take a completely different form than mine because we were purposefully created DIFFERENT.

Clearly, this cookie-cutter definition of "success" and "worthiness" that the world's systems attempt to impose on us is not working for anyone.  Many are on anti-depressants climbing the artificial ladders put in front of them.  Most are drinking wine or bottled beer each night soothing themselves because of their sense of "not being enough."

What if we begin to embrace the thinking that each human being is valuable and that it is our differences, our unique points, that what will lead us to the exciting, fun-filled expressions of our potential?

What if we each begin to create a definition of success that is not so much about the material trappings and external representations of "wealth" but instead about the inner riches of living a peace-filled, happy and free existence?

What if we focus our energy on exploring and finding wonderful ways to express our differentiated potential?

How much better might we feel if our thinking time was used in celebrating everything about ourselves--especially our flaws, our pain points and our wounds --because we know that from the deepest, darkest moments of our existence will emerge the greatest gems of wisdom and breadth of BEING that will allow us to be transformational agents of change on this planet?

I may be radical in the thoughts I share today but RADICAL INNER CHANGE is needed across this planet.  It's too easy to become a robotic, programmed being doing what everyone else is doing to fit in because this has become the "norm."  It ain't working, is it?  I know it didn't work for me and I see clearly in the people I interact with and coach that it is NOT working for them either.  Being sad, forlorn and stuck is not the way to thrive.

So, perhaps, it's time to redefine how you see yourself and how you will come to define success on your own terms.  Maybe today it would be worth taking a few minutes to craft your personal definition of success--when it is all said and done and you are near death, what would you really have wanted to invested your precious life-energy to become and to create?

I'm just saying...maybe, there's a whole new approach and maybe you can be part of defining it, living it and breaking free so you can find a deep sense of happiness and well-being for the 80 to 100 years you are resident here...and so you can bring the best of yourself and your gifts to helping transform this planet.

What do you think?  Leave a comment ...even if it is one word...let's converse on this essential topic.

Redefining this with you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com