A Very Special March Madness - Insights to Help You Rise to Your Potential

Some of you may not know that I played college hoops at Princeton University.  I then went on to play professionally in Brazil, England and Sweden.  For me, March Madness is an awesome time of year.

This March I have had the privilege of being a coach for Special Needs basketball in Upper Merion Township.  Each Saturday morning we gather for our own version of March Madness.  The times with the kids and the teens and adults who serve as Buddies during practice have been extraordinary and inspiring to me.

There are amazing lessons that I learn each week. I wanted to share some of these insights with you.  

1.  Be YOUR personal best.   As a coach, it has been a challenge to design drills in such a way that each child can practice and be challenged at their own level.   The range of abilities in this group is vast—we have kids who are athletic and kids who need adult- assistance to move around the court.  Progress for each child means something different.  For a strong, young lady named Meghan, progress means she can dribble once or twice in a row with a buddy holding her hand and assisting her.  Progress for a child like Cooper means dribbling through a maze of cones and not losing the ball as he strives to move faster.  We don’t compare levels in our basketball practice.  We seek to help each child rise to their personal best. 

What would rising to your best mean for you personally and professionally?   Try this week to let go of competition and comparison.  Instead, focus your energy on that next major step of progress you are ready to take.  Then, give it your all!

         2. Giving assists is just as important as scoring.  At practice, a young man named Jeremy has the capacity to take over games both offensively and defensively.  This past week during our end-of-practice scrimmage, he started to do so.  I quietly asked him to please get the ball to his teammates so they could score as well.  That’s just what he did.  Rather than dominating in points, he started looking for his teammates and set them up for success.  In spreading the scoring wealth, everyone on the team was given an opportunity to feel the thrill of basket-making.

Are there areas where you consistently shine?  Perhaps there is a way for you to assist others in rising to their potential so they can shine too.  Consider stepping back strategically this week to let others enjoy spotlight moments.  

3. Ask for and receive a Buddy’s help you when you need it.  At every practice we have at least one Buddy per player.  The Buddies come to support and guide the players during drills and games.  The players love having a buddy that pays special attention to them and provides them camaraderie and assistance whenever they need it.  The buddies are patient and wise, helping the players when they need it yet giving enough space to the players so they can be as independent as possible.  Our buddies feel the enjoyment of having helped a child enjoy the thrill of participating in basketball.

In what areas of life would it help you to seek out support from a buddy?  If you are struggling or stuck, you needn’t suffer alone.  Friends and family enjoy offering their support.  Ask for the assistance that you need.  Let your buddies enjoy giving the help while you receive the assistance and make the progress you need.   

4. Celebratory dances are invigorating.  Cole is a short, dynamic player who has the ability to score on the regular size hoop.  This past week he was on fire—shooting and scoring with ease.  After one of those baskets I saw the fans start to smile and joyfully laugh.  When I turned around and looked at Cole, I saw him doing an NBA-style celebratory dance with the in-your-face confident facial expressions and hand gestures included.  It was awesome to see this young man be so jubilant.

When was the last time you took a moment to do your own celebratory dance?  Take time this week to notice your progress and accomplishments—big or small.  Then, stand up and do a victory-dance.  Feel the joy of growth and achievement!  

I feel a bit of sadness that next week is our final practice.  Watching these special athletes develop has brought me tremendous joy and inner satisfaction. 

I pray these lessons and ideas assist you in rising more fully to your potential this week!

With my love,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com

 

Insights from INSIDE the Cocoon - Yes, It Has Been Awhile Since I Wrote... Here's Why

Yes, I have been silent for awhile.  I haven't written a blog.  I've not been able to keep up the inspiration for my daily email list either.

There are cycles in life.  One's where we are very productive, expressive and flying.  Others when we are in a cocoon, being re-worked and re-configured for our next phase.

I happen to be in a cocoon at present.  It's dark inside but it is also safe, quiet and warm.  The learning is deep and profound.  I hadn't anticipated this happening.  It just came about as part of the natural cycles of life.

In light of this, I wanted those who read my writings to know that you are on my heart and in my mind.  And, the good news is that once I am out of this cocoon, I will have plenty to share with you.  I feel it growing IN me.  The lessons I'm being taught at the moment are taking me to a new level of understanding and a greater amount of peace and joy.

Yes, joy can be found even inside the cocoon. It is a fascinating and delightful space when you don't fight against it.  It's remarkable to disintegrate and then be put back together.

I thought I'd share an article I wrote some time ago on this topic.  Maybe you can relate.

Before You Fly:  7 Insights to go from Caterpillar to Butterfly

How often we humans go through endless contortions to escape trials and challenges!  We try to run away.  We look for someone to rescue us.  We pray that God will miraculously cut short the difficulty. But what if a struggle is serving some purpose?  I found a surprising story recently, one that stimulated some deep thinking on this very question.  See what you think. . . . 

Near his home, a man found a cocoon of a butterfly.  He took it inside and placed it on the kitchen window sill, where he could keep an eye on it.  One day a small opening appeared.  Curious, the man sat down at the kitchen table to watch.  The cocoon began to move.  The insect was beginning to push through the hole.  For several hours it struggled to force its body through the tiny opening.  Then all progress seemed to stop.  It appeared that the butterfly could get no further.

So the man decided to help.  With a pair of scissors, he made a slit to enlarge the hole.

Soon the butterfly emerged.  Its body was swollen and its wings, small and shriveled.

The man waited, sure that the wings would gradually enlarge and expand to support the body, as the body reduced to normal size.

Neither happened!  In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life on the window sill, flapping its under-developed wings and dragging its distended body around.  It was never able to fly.

In his impatience and ill-founded desire to be kind, the man did not understand that the restriction of the cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of pressing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings.  The process was designed to perfect the butterfly's beauty and prepare it to fly in freedom, as soon as it left the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need at certain points in life.  Without them, we might not develop strength or skills or understanding we need to "fly" in our next stage.  To develop the wings that will take us to the heights of our destiny often includes enduring times that feel like a death and rebirth.

The metamorphosis of a caterpillar provides us some striking lessons to support us during our own process of transformation.

1. Seek safety and be patient in your cocoon stage.  You may be in a process of transformation for some time.  Surround yourself with friends and family members you trust.  If you do not have this support, remember that God surrounds you with love and holds you in times of darkness.  You are never, never alone.   Be kind to yourself through this transition.  

2. Remember your cocoon is temporary.  The cocoon is a dark space that allows the caterpillar to go through a major transformation.  It may be dark and feel constricting.  You are being transformed from the inside out.  Trials will not last forever.  Hold onto the mantra, "This too shall pass."

3. It is okay to feel as if you are breaking down.  See the breakdown as a reconfiguration.  In fact, it is essential so that you can be re-formed, trans-formed into your new state of being.  The seeds of your new self are in you and are being activated.  This is where the "magic" occurs.  

4. Let go of the old and allow the new to emerge.  This anonymous quote says it all: "'How does one become a butterfly?' she asked. ' You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.'"

5. Don't sabotage the process by making unwarranted assumptions.  The man watching the butterfly in the cocoon thought he was helping, but was he?  From our limited human perspective, we cannot see the complete picture.  It is tempting to jump to conclusions about what should or should not happen, what something does or does not mean, how long a stage should last or what progress should look like.  We can trust that everything is being used for our highest good.

6. Acknowledge your personal progress.  Look closely.  You are developing, growing, changing.  Your wings are forming.  Embrace the personal transformation that comes with the challenges, especially those that feel like a time of death and rebirth.  In the words of Maya Angelou, "We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."

7. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.  Metamorphosis is intense and can be a highly emotional time.  Bring your deep, heartfelt emotions up to the surface.  Do not ignore them.  Own them and honor them.  By experiencing them honestly, you learn that you are bigger than these emotions.  If you allow them to run their course, they pass, leaving a space into which peace can flow.  

Food For Thought

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly."

Richard Bach

With all my love, 

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com 

The "Should" Prison - Release Yourself From It Today

It has been awhile since I've written a blog.  I have so many ideas bubbling inside me, but finding the time to sit down and be creative has been my challenge.

This week I had a conversation with a young man that I mentor and I knew I had to share it with you.

Too often we allow inner pressure to build and we believe we are behind in our progress.  We compare ourselves to people around us and think we should be further along on Life's path.
These "SHOULD" thoughts we put on ourselves become a prison in which we live.  Do any of these thought sound familiar?

"I SHOULD be out of debt.  I SHOULD be finished my education.  I SHOULD have a better job.  I SHOULD be married by now. I SHOULD have kids by now.  My career SHOULD be more successful than what it is."

These thoughts trap us.  They cause us to feel less than, not good enough and depressed.

There is a way out of this trap.  Perhaps the conversation I am about to share with you will allow you to see a new way to view things.  I pray it does.

Robert:  Coach, Happy New Year.  I know it has been awhile since I wrote to you.  I wanted you to know that I did get the job and that it is going well.  Truly Coach, I am not really happy with my life.  I thought by now I should be married, my impact would be felt as per the use of my gifts and public speaking platforms but not much is happening.

Patricia:  Robert, I'm so happy for your progress.  Don't let "shoulds" spoil your joy right now.  Because you feel you “should be further along”, you are causing yourself to feel suffering.

Robert:  But coach, I am still not financially sound as I hoped to be and in fact, I have some debt.  My rent is due. I need to gain full control of my life. 

Patricia:  Robert, God is in charge. He will use this situation to open the doors for these other things you desire.  Can you trust Him?

Robert:  Hmmmmm.

Patricia:  Robert, you are growing, right?

Robert:  Yes, I’m growing (smiles).

Patricia:  Life is a long journey.  It happens with amazing twists and turns.  Enjoy the stage you are in.  Maximize the experience.  Keep learning and growing!  Growth is the main point.  

Robert:  Coach, you are super.

Patricia:  Open your mind.  Don't let inner pressure close you off from the present enjoyment that is possible.  Even with over-due bills, you can choose to glorify God.  Praise Him for each moment.  He is in charge.  He loves you.  He sees your desires.

Robert:  I wasn’t comfortable coming to chat with you for awhile, because you have invested so much time and words into me and I feel I haven’t made enough progress yet.

Patricia:  Robert, it is the times when you are most uncomfortable that you can come to me.  I am here to coach you.  I don’t judge you.  I am here to love and encourage you.  There is no pressure with me.

Robert:  Wow, Coach, I am in tears of joy now.

Patricia:  Reeeeeeeeelax. Smile.

Robert:  Thank you. THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

Patricia:  Take it easy in your mind.  Your mind is too busy.  Be quiet before God.  Sit in His lap and feel His love, His grace, His total acceptance of you.  He is happy.

Robert:  YES indeed my mind is too busy.

Patricia:  He knows the beauty of your spirit Robert.  Just live one moment at a time.  Listen for His voice guiding you rather than the mind’s fearful chatter.

Can I ask permission to use this conversation in my blog (I won’t disclose your identity).

Robert:  That’s okay with me, Coach.

Patricia:  I love you and I am proud of you.  I see your growth.  Remember, your life is on schedule.  I think many people feel the way you do.  I pray this conversation will soothe many souls.

Robert:  I love you too, Coach.  Many thanks for taking time with me.  I can’t wait to see the blog.

Feel free to share this blog with anyone who might need this reminder to:  Take off the inner pressure.  Open to life.  Keep learning and celebrate every inch of progress you are making.

With love, 

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com 

A Heartfelt Christmas Gift from Me to You - Please pass it on!

Just finished a walk.  There is nothing like the fresh winter air hitting my face and filling my lungs.  It changes me.  It helps my spirit regain flow.  Today  I put on my headphones and used music to take a walk back through 2013.  Yes, I actually had some "theme songs" this year.

I thought I'd share them with you as a Christmas gift.  These songs inspired me in dark moments, and helped me find a way to flow through the highs and lows of the year.

Grace.  God's grace.  That's what filled me this year.  That's what carried me.  That's what allows me to shine and be free even in the midst of challenge.  Michael W. Smith is an artist I listened to in high school.  For some reason I was drawn back to his music.  This rendition of Grace - A New Hallelujah has a way of lifting me far above any worldly concerns  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBsCkZd-HU4):

Surrender.  As a child I remember being in Sunday services.  They'd do altar calls and often would play I Surrender All as the background music.  I remember opening my heart to God at a young age, asking Him to take control of my life.  This year I found myself back at my inner altar, singing at the top of my lungs again:  I Surrender All.  One day I searched for the song and I found the most gorgeous version of the song, again my Michael W. Smith  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULNH9svens0):

Faith.  I found myself choosing again and again this year to believe God's promises.  I recalled the many times throughout my life where God provided a way -- a way that seemed to good to be true.  But, God knows exactly how to work miracles in our lives.  I took time to trust, trust, trust.  I opened my heart and presented all my desires and dreams to Him.  Then, I lifted my hands in praise, knowing that as a child of the King of Kings, I am always cared for in the most amazing ways.  In our services at the local church I attend, the pastor closed his sermon one day with this song and it has been one I play almost every day now -- I Lift My Hands by Chris  Tomlin  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbNK50T35wY):

So, I leave you with these songs I have grown to treasure.  May your Christmas holiday be one that rejuvenates you.  May your life be infused with new energy, beautiful peace and new vision for the year ahead.

I send my Christmas warmth and love your way,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

The Silent Treatment!?! (And on my Birthday!) Wow

Total silence.  No talking.  No conversations.  Blocked from all electronic inputs even.  Can you believe that is what happened to me just a few days before my birthday last week.

Ok, I admit, it was self-imposed.  I chose to do a three day silent retreat after reading a Hafiz poem called For Three Days:

FOR THREE DAYS

Not many teachers in this world

Can give you as much enlightenment

In one year

As sitting all alone, for three days,

In your closet

Would

Do.

This means not leaving.

Better get a friend to help with

A few sandwiches

And

The chamber

Pot.

And no reading in there or writing poems,

That would be cheating;

Aim high--for a 360 degree

Detox.

This sitting alone, though, is

Not recommended

If you are normally

Sedated

Or have ever been under doctor's

Surveillance because of your

Brain.

Dear one,

Don't let Hafiz fool you--

A ruby is buried

Here.

The poem got me thinking.  My deepest desire is to reach my God-given potential.  My life's calling is to help others do the same.  So, why not give deep silence a try for myself? 

I've spent time meditating the past few years and it has always been something incredibly helpful to me.  Insights arise from my time in silence and inspiration fills me whenever my mind can quiet down enough to hear Divine whispers.  

I was guided to a local retreat center called St. Raphaela's (I'd be happy to share the details if you'd like to go there).  It was a simple place, an old mansion, run by a group of the Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  

I was given a room and three meals a day.    During my time there I sat in their chapel quietly praying and listening.  I laid on the grass experiencing the support of the Earth.  I walked in nature.  I watched the golden falls leave glisten as the wind blew them to the ground.   

Silence is refreshing.  It is also valuable because it stirs up the old, un-resolved (often painful) sediment that still needs to be dealt with.  In fact, while on a walk I came across an outdoor wedding.  I saw the father walking his daughter down the aisle.  All of a sudden it him me, "My Dad had never been there...he had not walked me down the aisle. . . " Tears flowed down my cheeks as this pain resurfaced.  The release was cleansing.  It gave me a moment to further release the past and open more deeply to the Heavenly Father who has always been with me through my life journey.  

I bet you are saying, "You are crazy!  Three days, that seems so long!"  Well, to be honest, it made me crave more--a full week, even a month? 

I enter this new year of my life with a desire to find practical ways to incorporate silent moments into my life.  And yes, I will definitely get another retreat on the calendar at St. Raphaela's.  

Why not open to a moment of silent on a regular basis?  Scripture says, " Be Still.  KNOW that I am God."  All the world's religions teach that silence is an entry to wisdom and Divine revalation.    If you need answers, direction, comfort, support, encouragement and insights, time in silence may just be what you need.  

True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn

With my love as I enter a new year! (Thanks for journeying with me.)  

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

 www.patriciaomoqui.com

Going Deeper in Knowing Next Steps: What is the Mind Without the Heart?

I had the privilege to share an hour of coaching with a colleague.  She coached me the first 25 minutes, then I coached her. 

I love being on the receiving side of coaching.  Coaching is a powerful experience.  And, she provided me the space to get clear on the approach I wanted to take with some of my writing goals.  But for most of the session I was stuck in my head, spinning around and around and putting incredible pressure on myself.  Suddenly I realized, I needed to connect to my heart.  What was it that was really best for me right now?  Was it time to push for completion on the project or, was I to allow the book to emerge in the best time?

When I went into my heart space, the dark clouds of inner pressure suddenly parted.  I knew clearly that this book would be born.  I decided on an approach that fit my current schedule.  I chose to do the work from an energy of joy and peace rather than forcing it to come together.

Funnily enough, as I coached my friend, she was dealing with a similar dynamic.  She had gotten stuck in her head, worried that she had to approach completing some of her professional goals like all the other people around her.   As she verbally expressed the inner conflict, I reminded her of her heart. 

She moved from the mental question of "What SHOULD I do?" to the heart question of, "What do I really desire to do?"  Letting go of the pressure she had been putting on herself to meet up to external expectations brought her back to peace.  She saw the clear set of next steps she really wanted to take.  And, she felt relief.

I've been realizing the power of the heart.  I had grown up learning to figure it all out mentally.  The last few years, however, I began to listen more closely to what I wanted deep down inside myself.  Life has become more of a gentle, loving, compassionate movement forward than a hard-core focused march to achieve.  I still do achieve, but I do so in a much more enjoyable manner.

Notice this week if you find yourself stuck in your head--overthinking things.  Then, go deeper into yourself.  Go down to your heart and your gut.  Listen for whispers of your spirit telling you of what would bring you the most joy on the journey to your vision.

Then, for a little soothing, why not listen to the song Mind vs Heart by Nneka (one of my favorite Nigerian artists):  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKE9j6nmYwE . 

Finally, A New Blog with some Fabulous Ideas to Inspire and Empower You!

Empty space inside.  Clearing out old.  Opening to new.  Contemplation.  Meditation.  Growing awareness.  Living.  Being.  Listening. Noticing. Healing.  Willing to write but no words to be found.

That's the space I've been in as a writer as of late.  Inspiration has flowed in short spurts (thus the Facebook and Twitter posts have flowed), but not in the longer blog spurts.  But, tonight, I just felt compelled to share a few helpful ideas:

1.  You can always choose a positive perspective.  A fabulous way to do so is to ask the following questions:

What good can I see in this situation?

What good can I see in this person?

What good can I find in myself?

These questions bring you toward light and hope, toward grace and goodness.  These questions allow you to experience life in an empowered way. 

You can become good at asking these questions by carrying them in your pocket and reading them regularly (especially in those moments when your mind is tending toward the dark, dreary, negative). 

2.  Taking the time to express the positive you see in others to them is powerful.  It's a technique called Acknowledgment.  You notice good traits another person has.  And, in one easy statement you can say aloud (or in a text), "One thing I know about you is that you are_____________ (good, kind, compassionate, creative, humble, gracious, helpful etc.)." 

Just this past week I shared a struggle I was having with some of my friends.  In the course of the conversation someone acknowledged me saying, "You are an amazing woman."  Those words were like refreshing water in a moment when my spirit was thirsty. 

Why not find some people in your life and reflect to them something positive you see in them?  By doing so, you lift them up.  And, you too will feel the joy of using loving words to encourage them.

3.  Ground yourself in THIS moment.  Yes, you only have to do life one little moment at a time.  Some call it the ever-present NOW.  The whole point is to bring your mind, body and spirit fully to the NOW.  Doing this allows you to more fully enjoy, experience and maximize life. 

Practice this today by taking a deep breath.  Feel your heart beating.  Feel your feet planted firmly on the ground.  Affirm:  I choose to take one moment at a time and savor the experience.  (Doesn't that feel good?)

I bring these ideas to you because I practice them myself--and, for me, they really do work to keep me uplifted, peaceful and flowing in the midst of life's constant surprises and challenges.

Hope you find something you can use in your journey!

With a smile,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

www.patriciaomoqui.com