Parable of the Woman and the Gem

For anyone struggling with self-esteem or self-worth issues, you may be able to relate to this parable I penned a few years back....please comment and let me know what you think.

The Parable of the Woman and the Gem

There once was a lovely woman blessed with unique talents. To outside observers, she appeared to have it all. Yet this woman failed to see her own beauty. In fact, when she looked in the mirror, she told herself, “You are flawed and inadequate. Sure, there is some good in me and some positives in my life but….” These things were not her focus. Replaying memories stirred up hurt, shame and guilt that weighed her down with misery.


She would muster the courage to put on a pleasant smile. She did her best at work, at school, and at home with her family. Yet inside she struggled. She carried inner wounds. The tedium of daily life exhausted her. She wanted something different for herself. She yearned for something more.


One day she hit a point of inner suffering so profound that she could no longer bear her life as it was. Something had to change.


A Voice within whispered,

“There is more! Simply open to the possibility of change. Be willing.”

Echoes of this voice pervaded quiet moments. Sometimes she listened. Sometimes she turned her attention to other voices within and around her.

Yet in the silence of the night her heart embraced the message,

“Change is possible. There is another way to look at things, another way to live.”

The woman decided to open to this other way. She had no idea how change could occur, no time to figure it out, no energy left to focus on it. Her hours were consumed with family, bills and survival. She did not know how to change.



She did not need to.

Opening her mind unlocked a place in her heart that she had somehow overlooked. As she shined the light of her attention on this inner chamber she discovered a magnificent, precious stone. It was her birthright, the inestimable value bestowed on her by God. This rare gem was waiting to be noticed. She had failed to notice it in the intensity of her daily life. She had been searching outside herself for value and approval. She was concerned, “What did others think of me?” She looked to them for acceptance and appreciation.

“Oh!” gasped the woman glimpsing the dazzling gem, “my value, my beauty resides in my heart. It is not outside me. No, it is within me. It has always been in me!” Although the woman was ecstatic with her new understanding, she also felt angry: “How could I have missed this and suffered for so many years, searching and striving for something I already had?”

The woman’s anger grew as she re-hashed the past and pictured how different her life might have been had she known this truth years before. Gradually she began to release her regrets. She saw that holding them was only hurting her. She realized that she had done the best she could with the knowledge she had at the time. It was a miracle that she had found a new way to view herself. She came to see that every situation she had lived through had been necessary for this discovery. .

She sat quietly and felt growing delight. “At last I see my own value.”

What a relief! She no longer had to prove herself to others. She knew she was worthy.


This woman learned that as a living being, she IS beauty. She does not have to work at being beautiful. She realized she IS love. She does not have to strive to be loved. She realized she IS power. She does not have to use force to prove it. She IS worthy already. She simply needs to BE – to be herself. She could now relax into being the beautiful creation of God that she is.

New energy and joy flowed through her. She now had a new perspective on life.

She no longer needed to make a show of herself and her accomplishments. She could be whatever she wanted to be. She could relax. She could honor herself. She could choose ways to use her time and energy that made her feel good inside. She could choose to interact with those people who brought her joy.

She could be whatever she wanted to be.

She thanked God for this amazing insight that was transforming her life.



She smiles. She breathes. She laughs. She jokes. She relaxes. She chooses not to worry. She trusts herself. Others see the difference in her; it is remarkable. She stands tall. She carries herself with confidence. She exudes to others the love that shines from her heart. She inspires them now by what she does with her life.

Her outward circumstances did not change, her acceptance of them did. She approaches each day as a fresh start. No longer is she surviving, instead she relishes ordinary moments. Her life feels easier now. It takes far less effort. She sings as she attends to her family. She pays her bills with a grateful heart. She has tapped into the power of her Soul. She knows that by changing her thoughts, she has changed her inner world. Changes in her outer world are bound to follow.



Her life is a story of on-going transformation-- a journey that begins with self-acceptance and moves into deeper and deeper realization.



This is my story. I share it with you because these ideas have set me free. They have empowered me to be proud of who I am. No year of my life is wasted. No experience is without value. Each day I live on earth is worthwhile. Difficult circumstances urge me toward growth and the willingness to open more fully to my Self.



So, too, your life is unfolding in the way most appropriate for your soul’s growth. Begin to see it that way. Begin to invite a new perspective.


Breathe deeply today. Let out a sigh of relief. You are a gift to the world, a treasure. You are growing into the person you are destined to be. Reclaim your power. Emerge into your fullness. It is time to embrace life with gratitude. It is time to DREAM, to imagine, and to open to the beautiful possibilities Life wants to offer you.

Just open to change. Be willing. It’s that simple.

Your assignment this week is to take at least 5 minutes each day to sit in silence. As you sit quietly, visualize a brilliant gem, glowing in your heart. What color is it? Can you feel its energy? Notice how it sparkles with light from within itself. Experience the connection to that Light. Remember how valuable you are.

With love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com

Eleven Insights from Eleven Years of Marriage!

(David and I August 2001 in Lansdale, PA after wedding ceremony)

(David and I in Aubja several weeks ago)

August 2012 is a landmark for me. I am celebrating! Eleven years ago, my husband David (Yes, he is Nigerian. And for those of you who are curious, he comes from Edo State.) and I had our church wedding. What a festive event it was! David’s parents travelled from Benin to Philadelphia to join us. Several siblings came from London. For the ceremony the bride and groom wore traditional American dress; for the reception we donned Naija attire. Our guests feasted on both American and Nigerian cuisine and we danced the night away.

More than a full decade of marriage has slipped by. Our marriage is by no means perfect, but then no marriage is. David and I have both grown tremendously. Mark Twain once said, “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” Perhaps in 2026 I will be qualified to write an essay on “perfect love.” Today, however, I humbly offer some insights I have gained so far.

1. Marriage is not a dream. Marriage is not THE ANSWER to life. Marriage is the experience of two people choosing to build a life together. It is neither easy nor magical. It is hard work. As Barbara De Angelis, expert on love and relationships puts it, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” When both spouses are committed and each puts forth consistent effort, the marriage relationship can be deeply satisfying.

2. Each spouse is responsible for his or her own happiness. It is not up to your spouse to “make you happy” or “fulfill you.” That is YOUR own responsibility. If you expect another person to “complete you,” the unrealistic expectation you create becomes a heavy burden. When both spouses take care of their own personal well-being, they have something wonderful to share with one another.

3. Allow your spouse to be who he or she is! George Levinger, Professor Emeritus of Psychology (University of Massachusetts), tells us, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” I have learned I cannot change my husband. He cannot change me. We must accept and appreciate our differences—personalities, cultures, viewpoints, strengths, fears and foibles. In fact, our differences are often factors that make us able to complement each other. In the words of famous movie character Rocky, “I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other’s gaps.” Each spouse is a work in progress. By growing as individuals, we have more to bring back to the partnership.

4. Facing challenges in life is not optional. Winston Churchill wisely said, “When you’re going through hell, keep going!” Couples have choices: “Will we use the difficulties to grow together or to drift apart? Will you become angry and play the blame game or will you unite as a team and find solutions.” According to American journalist Doug Larson, “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”

5. In marriage, both partners need space. Yes, there may be times when we grow tired of one another. “Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in shade” (Leo Buscaglia, relationship expert and author of Love). Short breaks are important so both spouses can refresh and renew themselves. Folk wisdom teaches us, “To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart, a finger’s breadth, for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.”

6. Weave individual visions into a shared vision for life. Build a life that will allow each spouse to find purpose and fulfillment. Then, work as a team so that each can gradually accomplish what he or she wants to achieve. Of course, there may be times when one needs to let the other make more progress. Honor one another; take turns. Affirm your dedication to your success as individuals and as a team.

7. Do unto your spouse as you would have him or her do unto you. Step into his shoes. Try to see life from her perspective. Let The Golden Rule be your guide: treat one another with respect, understanding and grace.


8. When all of life seems to be caving in, remember, you have love. Possessions and money can be replaced. After any tragedy, what matters most is that the people you love are still there. Focus on what you DO have and enjoy it. Celebrate the smallest of blessings even when life feels heavy. Let the wings of love carry you through life’s dark times.


9. Take time to share your feelings and express your desires. Your spouse cannot read your mind and you cannot read your spouse’s mind. Be honest. Listen to one another without defense. Regular communication will keep walls from being silently built between you.


10. Commit yourself each day to finding the good—in yourself and your spouse. What we focus on grows. If you want to feel disappointed and resentful, you will find plenty of things to judge. However if your goal is compassion and encouragement, you will discover kind things to say to your spouse and about your spouse. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person” (Mignon McLaughlin). Water the seeds of love by consistently seeking the best in your partner.

11.  Laugh, dance and lighten up.  When life seems overly serious and heavy, try to find something to laugh about.  If laughter is hard to find, then at least put on some music and dance  Someone once said, "If God is the DJ, then Life is the dance floor; Love is the rhythm, and You are the music."

Food For Thought

"I will ask no more of life

than this:

that I might love you

through all my days,

and that you may find

both peace and joy

in the constancy

of my heart."

Robert Sexton, American romantic, artist and poet

Have Patience in Growing Your Dreams!

Recently I saw a friend.  She is pregnant, in her seventh month. She is UNCOMFORTABLE! Sleeping is difficult, walking is challenging--she is READY for this baby to be delivered. Yet, she does NOT want the baby to come early. Why? Because in the last few months of the pregnancy, the baby develops and grows in important ways. The entire nine months is crucial for the baby to be born vibrant and healthy.


So, she patiently waits day by day until the baby is ready to emerge.

It is the same with our dreams. Our dreams need development. The ideas we have at the outset of our journey must go through the entire process of developing and maturing. If born to early, they may not survive. That is why we must trust the process of our personal and professional growth.


Each step, each moment is essential on our path of progress.
I have BIG dreams and visions for life. I've had them for years now. I wanted them all to materialize rapidly. But, I've found that I can't skip steps in my self development or the maturity of my vision. I'm glad that it takes as long as it does. I'm more prepared than ever for new phases of living my life vision AND my vision gets clearer and fuller by the day.


I have clients who have incredible plans for business and life pursuits. Too often, they seem in a rush. They want it to happen NOW. In pushing for results, they often miss crucial opportunities to fully embrace and develop themselves in the stage they are in. I encourage them to be patient, persistent and persevere.

They will realize their potential and actualize their visions--but it happens over a period of time.

Don't be in too much of a rush! Be diligent today, where you are. Take the key next steps with the resources you have right now. If you stay focused on a consistent basis, you will achieve things you never imagined you could. Just because you don't see the results yet, doesn't mean you should give up. You are developing as a person. You are learning important life and business lessons to help you get to the next stage of your plan.

Open to the entire experience. It is rich if you do.


Savoring every tiny step of progress with you,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/