Harness Your Power: Heal those BUTTONS!

I sit here tonight writing this blog after getting rather angry-- someone just "pushed my buttons."  I didn't know I even had this BUTTON!  I certainly am aware of it now.  I am glad that I realize I have more of my own personal healing to do.

What is a button?  A button is a spot inside me or you that is sensitive and when touched by someone in our lives, causes us to react.  Often the reaction is quite strong and intense.

I often say when I speak to audiences that our buttons are quite an opportunity for self-growth.  I sit here looking at my button, my reaction and the deep beliefs I hold that caused me this inner (and outer) craziness.  Why do I over-react?  Why do I get so upset?  I am meditating on this and will be for the week ahead.

We want to blame others for our reactions -- "If HE hadn't pushed my buttons, then I wouldn't have reacted this way!  It was HIS (or HER) fault!"  I want to challenge this idea of blaming our reactions on others.

The illustration I often use is a wound on your arm.  If you have a wound on your arm and someone pours salt in it, what happens?  You would probably cry out in pain -- perhaps you would scream. 

If you DID NOT have a wound on your arm and someone pours salt on it, what would happen?  The salt would provide exfoliation for your skin and fall away.  There would be no pain. 

When we have these over-the-top reactions, it is because of what is INSIDE us, not what is outside.  If we begin to understand this then we have the opportunity for learning some incredibly beautiful lessons.

Off to heal my remaining buttons.  It seems that I find more and more.  I am laughing as I write this ...what interesting human beings we are, huh?  I have a long way to go and so much more to learn. 

I am happy for the learning.  I want to heal fully so that I can be truly peaceful, deeply loving and able to choose a response rather than give a knee-jerk reaction.

Healing with you...hope you will take stock of "your buttons" this week.

With Love,

Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/

Harness Your Power: Communicate Authentically

I was blessed this week to find a wonderful book at Barnes & Noble called Saying What's Real, by Dr. Susan Campbell. I was searching through the books in the relationship section and was guided to this one. The beauty of this book is that Dr. Campbell provides 7 ways to start sentences that get you to communicate more authentically with the people in your life. She also helps you understand at a deeper level the communication patterns you've developed.

I'll share a couple of these sentence starters with you so you can get a better feel for the book. "Hearing you say that, I feel...", or "I'm getting triggered by something you said (or did)...", or "I appreciate you for..." These sentence starters give us a way to begin to honestly express how we feel rather than using ineffective communication patterns or sitting silently and wondering (or suffering) because we have something to say but aren't saying it. She suggests that it is possible to deal with conflict and challenge in a relationship in present time rather than allowing it to build up over time.

I found this book particularly helpful right now. In my family growing up we were told not to express how we felt--especially in relation to my dad's emotional volatility. We walked on eggshells. I learned a pattern of silent suffering and living with tremendous inner conflict. It became normal to not say what I needed to say or express how I felt.

I have often repeated this pattern in my relationship. It's beautiful how clearly I see this now. I've been actively taking steps to change this pattern over the last few years. It has taken courage to begin speaking my truth and express my authentic self. I felt fear about how the other person would respond. With practice and time, I don't feel this sense of fear to the same extent. In fact, I'm getting to a point now where I can't help but tell people how I really feel because if I don't, I feel tremendous inner conflict.

I'd encourage you this week to think about your patterns of communication. Do you avoid conflict? Do you use repetitive responses with people rather than expressing how you really feel? Are you defensive? Do you even know how you feel anymore? Do you express it?

Pick up Saying What's Real this week if you feel it might support you. I'm half way through this book and it is an excellent resource.

Let's grow together in communicating our truth so we create a more harmonious, healed world.

A big hug,

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/