Harness Your Power: See the Inner Light

I am practicing something these days that I wanted to share with you. When someone is disagreeable, mean, outrageous or nasty towards me, I am practicing silence. I simply watch the scene playing out before me. In difficult encounters it is much better for me to observe the scenario as an outsider peeking in rather than as a person taking the offense in a personal way and joining the drama.

When I don't allow my "buttons" to get pushed, I can calmly look into the eyes of the other person and see their inner light. Yes, the beautiful glow is there even when a person is in an angry rage, throwing a fit or a temper tantrum.

In fact, when I am watching I feel deep compassion for the individual. I realize now that they are in deep pain or fear to be acting in this way towards me or someone close to me.

I've made so much progress. I used to be "Miss Defensive." I would take too many comments each day as a personal offense. This would drain my energy. In needing to show myself "right" I would defend (or should I say attack) in return. As Byron Katie (www.thework.com ) says, "Defense is the first act of war." I would engage in far too much verbal combat with others.

The more I began to identify and heal the inner wounds I had, the more I realized that what people were saying was not personal to me. In fact, they were projecting onto me what they were experiencing inside themselves. What a revelation!

The challenge I offer you this week is to do your best to be silent in situations where you would normally get into a nasty exchange of words. Instead, listen and watch. If you can keep silent for just a few moments, you might even be able to take a peek into the eyes of the person who is talking (or yelling) at you. Look closely. See the light. Focus on the light. What good can you find in them even in that moment?

Do your best to not defend. Instead, just listen quietly. When they are done their verbal tirade, (yes, at some point they will have to stop talking), you can just say, "Thank you for telling me how you feel. I will consider what you said." That's it. No defense needed.

If this seems like a stretch for you, then visualize yourself doing this. The more you practice inside your mind, the more likely you will be able to do this in the heat of the moment.

Let's increase peace in our lives this week!

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomqoui.com/

Harness Your Power: Communicate Authentically

I was blessed this week to find a wonderful book at Barnes & Noble called Saying What's Real, by Dr. Susan Campbell. I was searching through the books in the relationship section and was guided to this one. The beauty of this book is that Dr. Campbell provides 7 ways to start sentences that get you to communicate more authentically with the people in your life. She also helps you understand at a deeper level the communication patterns you've developed.

I'll share a couple of these sentence starters with you so you can get a better feel for the book. "Hearing you say that, I feel...", or "I'm getting triggered by something you said (or did)...", or "I appreciate you for..." These sentence starters give us a way to begin to honestly express how we feel rather than using ineffective communication patterns or sitting silently and wondering (or suffering) because we have something to say but aren't saying it. She suggests that it is possible to deal with conflict and challenge in a relationship in present time rather than allowing it to build up over time.

I found this book particularly helpful right now. In my family growing up we were told not to express how we felt--especially in relation to my dad's emotional volatility. We walked on eggshells. I learned a pattern of silent suffering and living with tremendous inner conflict. It became normal to not say what I needed to say or express how I felt.

I have often repeated this pattern in my relationship. It's beautiful how clearly I see this now. I've been actively taking steps to change this pattern over the last few years. It has taken courage to begin speaking my truth and express my authentic self. I felt fear about how the other person would respond. With practice and time, I don't feel this sense of fear to the same extent. In fact, I'm getting to a point now where I can't help but tell people how I really feel because if I don't, I feel tremendous inner conflict.

I'd encourage you this week to think about your patterns of communication. Do you avoid conflict? Do you use repetitive responses with people rather than expressing how you really feel? Are you defensive? Do you even know how you feel anymore? Do you express it?

Pick up Saying What's Real this week if you feel it might support you. I'm half way through this book and it is an excellent resource.

Let's grow together in communicating our truth so we create a more harmonious, healed world.

A big hug,

Patricia Omoqui

http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/