Imagine being able to PREDICT if a relationship will end in success or failure?
You know that feeling when you are fuming inside...the person you care about so much did something that hurt or annoyed you BIG TIME...the pain inside has been BREWING all day and when you see the person you can't help but BOIL Over? Can anyone relate?
Or, you have had a really busy, stressful day. You want to come home and just be left alone. But, your special someone is in a different state of mind and ASKS for your attention. How do you react when they approach you for this?
(Listen, I've been in these scenarios, and guess what?? Nobody ever trained us in how to deal with these situations, did they? Listen. Today, this info is for ALL of us. Whether you are in a relationship or you eventually want to be in one, start learning and practicing what I share in your daily interactions with friends and colleagues NOW so you are prepared.)
Dr. John & Julie Gottman are renowned experts on marital stability and relationships. They set up a "Love Lab" where they studied all different kinds of couples. After years of study, Dr. Gottman can listen to a couple for 5 minutes and predict divorce with 91% accuracy!
The next few days I'm going to drop you some powerful relationship suggestions -- ideas that can help you increase your love and chances of harmony.
How do you start conversations with the person you love? Do you ever use "Harsh Startups"--like being negative, accusatory or using contempt? If so, BEWARE! 96% of the time the way a discussion begins predicts the way it will end. Start harsh, end harsh.
On the other hand, start soft and the discussion will most likely end on the same positive tone. Soft startups use tools like gratitude, empathy, touch or softness in the words and tone of voice. Start soft, get better results.
Think a minute with me.
In your home, as you watched your parents -- what kind of startups to conversations did you observe?
How about in your relationships? What is your go-to way of starting conversations when you return home from your day? How about those ESPECIALLY challenging conversations where you are ready to speak your truth?
How about your significant other? What is their pattern for starting a conversation?
Awareness of our patterns is the starting point for bringing about new ways of doing things.
Note: Gottman has 6 predictors of divorce and marital instability and Harsh Startups is 1 of those predictors.
Take the time to let me know in the comments whether this info is new to you....or how this information could be of help to you in your home, workplace or with your friends.
Every relationship offers us practice...an opportunity to learn and grow. Each person we interact with is a Learning Partner. So, why not, today, start working on some Soft Start-ups. See how that feels. Notice what results you get. Share your results in the comments below if you'd like!
Let's have fun growing and experimenting together. I came across this information recently and I'm working on it too!
Learning Together,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com
No comments:
Post a Comment