When I began studying my thoughts several years ago I was S-H-O-C-K-E-D to see the amount of self-criticism, self-doubt, guilt and yes, even self-hatred. I was my own worst enemy and the harshest task-master I could be.
No matter how hard I worked, how well I did, how successful I became -- I STILL didn't think I measured up. Here's how the inner thoughts went:
"I'm not good enough. I should be doing better and geting more done in a day. I'm not a good wife, mom or manager. I should be further on my career path than I am. Why can't I keep my house cleaner and cook better? Look at what my Princeton classmates are doing already in their careers, I need to catch up to where they are. "
I discovered that I was draining tremendous energy with constant self-loathing.
I spent a few years being aware of these thoughts and working to consciously change my thinking. The work is paying off. I have grown in self-compassion and self-understanding. I have gained energy and felt physically and emotionally better as I improved my thoughts about myself. I am more focused on finding the good in myself and the good in others.
But, there are still subtle patterns that emerge. There is still self-criticism happening. I have learned to just observe the thoughts rather than buy into them. Last week I observed myself thinking, "Trish, you aren't getting enough done. . . you should work more, be more, have more and do more . . ." I watched this with interest. I had to chuckle! How could it be that after years of working to improve my thinking that there is still more work to do?
Well, there is. There are many layers to the onion of mental programming that I am working to re-program. And, I am willing to work on it because I see that negative views of myself keep me from being as empowered and energetic as I desire to be.
Why put up with any thoughts that cause inner conflict and suffering? I choose to keep growing. I want excellence in my thinking so that excellence spreads through every tiny bit of my life.
How are you doing with your thoughts about yourself? Tune in this week. Observe your self-talk closely. Is there opportunity for improvement? For being more loving and gracious to yourself? Write down what you find on paper so that you can see your thinking in black and white.
You may discover, as I continually do, that life can feel better when I am nice to myself.
Imagine that! What if we were all nicer to ourselves? I have a feeling that the world might become a more peaceful place if we ended the war with ourselves.
Here are some gentler thoughts (affirmations) to practice throughout the week ahead:
I open to loving myself more each day. I offer my best each day.
I give myself credit for all I do. I am growing and learning.
I am an amazing creation of God.
I am willing to be gracious to myself and others.
I release all need to compare myself with others. Instead, I walk my unique path.
I am empowered to live my full potential.
With great courage and honesty,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
http://www.patriciaomoqui.com/
