(If you missed the blog where I gave a full confession of the addiction that caused me great suffering, perhaps you want to read that before reading this blog: http://harnessyourpower.blogspot.com/2016/09/full-disclosure-confessions-of-my.html . I then shared Step 1 of my treatment plan and it may be wise to read that before you delve into today's materials: http://harnessyourpower.blogspot.com/2016/09/personal-treatment-plan-step-1.html .)
After I spent time observing my inner realms and discovering just how full my mind was of fear and self-judgment, at first a terrible grief overcame me. "How could I have done this to myself for so long?" I felt regret. I had wasted so much energy. I had experienced so much inner conflict and turmoil. I had been my own worst enemy.
I also felt tremendous relief! "No wonder I felt so awful! Now I understand where the terrible exhaustion, chest pain and emotional roller coaster ride had come from."
Discovering the root of my suffering--my thought patterns--was a major breakthrough for me. Just the fact that I was aware of the mental patterns, allowed me to not identify so closely with thoughts. This bit of distance the awareness created, showed me I am not my thinking. It took the edge off my pain. I realized that I could observe my thoughts and notice them without believing them wholeheartedly.
And, to go a step further, I realized that if I observed the old patterns starting inside my mind, I could push the "pause" button. I could create enough space, that timeless moment of opportunity, where I could make a new choice, a conscious choice of thoughts that would be based in the energy of love, self-kindness and empowerment.
As I worked through the process of self-discovery, I did a very simple exercise. I took a paper and a pen. I drew a line down the middle of the paper to make 2 columns. I titled the left column "My Current Thoughts" and I titled the right column "My New Thoughts". On the left column, I created two sections: Fears and Self-Talk. My paper looked like this (for people viewing this blog with their mobile phones, the formatting isn't working...so try to visualize this in your mind):
My Current Thoughts My New Thoughts
Fears:
Self-Talk:
Through observation, I began to inventory all the thoughts that had been tormenting me and draining my energy. Once I started taking time to study my thoughts, I saw there were patterns. The same old fears played over and over in my head. The self-talk was highly predictable--I criticized myself about the same things day in and day out.
To unmask it all, I put it on paper.
It was amazing to see it in black and white. It felt embarrassing at first to discover that this mental programming was dictating how I felt and the results I was getting in my life experience.
But, it was empowering to realize that the haphazard mental programming could be thrown out. I realized that I had the power to write New, Fresh, Empowered thoughts that could transform my inner realms and allow me to experience more peace, joy and energy than ever before.
I took the first step and I wrote down the current thinking (yes, the thoughts I am writing below were actually some of the thoughts I'd been thinking--feel free to chuckle if you like):
My Current Thoughts My New Thoughts
Fears:
I'm going to end up divorced like my parents were.
I'm going to run out of money and
not be able to pay my bills.
Maggie, my daughter, is going to be limited
because of her physical illness
Self-Talk:
I'm not good enough wife.
I'm not a good enough mom.
I should be more successful than I am right now.
My butt is too big.
My house is not as neat or nice as other peoples.
I'm overwhelmed and I can't handle all this.
__________________
There it was. The thoughts that I had allowed unknowingly to take over my life--those were the thoughts I had now captured and put on paper. It was now time to take my observations and move to the next phase of work.
It was time to construct new thoughts--conscious ones. I needed new thinking that would allow me to feel well, to be my best, to experience peace and to support my life journey.
So, I went to work. For each thought that was causing me to feel bad inside, I decided I would need to create a replacement thought--a new option. It was not easy to do this at first. I had gotten so used to viewing myself and my life from one perspective, that I struggled to find new options. Once I started the door to brainstorming new thoughts, new options came to mind. I also discovered books already written on the topic which were a treasure trove of new possibilities.
I went down my page and started filling in the second column. Here is some of what I did:
My Current Thoughts My New Thoughts
Fears:
I'm going to end up divorced. I can create a good marriage.
I'm going to run out of money. I am abundant. I open to all that I need.
Maggie is going to be limited. I will do everything to give Maggie a good life.
Self-Talk:
I'm not good enough wife. I am a caring, compassionate wife.
I'm not a good enough mom. I give myself credit as a mom.
I should be more successful. I do be my best each day to get results.
My butt is too big. I choose to celebrate my shape.
_______________
So, that was the start of it. I began to look for:
What's good with me, with my life? vs. What's wrong with me, with my life?
What do I want to see happen in my life? (my vision) rather than "What am I afraid will happen?" (my fear)
Thought by thought, moment by moment, I began to experiment with new possibilities. I noticed quickly that when I was able to use the new thoughts, I felt better. I had more energy. I had peace. I felt my stress reduce.
And, when the old patterns of thinking tried to regain control in my mind, I used my "observation capacity" to just notice the old patterns rather than believing them fully. The power of awareness I gained by watching my mental patterns allowed me to see humor in it all rather than unconsciously going deep into pain and suffering.
I played with new ways of thinking. I experimented. With time, I started to find new thoughts that felt better, that resonated with me.
Be patient with yourself--old habits take time to release. And so, the work of consciously choosing better thoughts began. Day by day, thought by thought, I began to do the inner practice of creating new habits in my mind. In time, some remarkable changes came about inside me. (Caution: I chose to be determined, deeply dedicated to my personal change. I did this work daily for months on end...and decided never to turn back. This resulted in drastic improvements in my peace and well-being. Only do this if you feel ready.)
I hope and pray this gives you some fresh energy, some new ideas to take away. I recommend you give the exercise I described above a try. It is powerful.
If you get stuck, don't take it all too seriously. You will find the solutions you need with time. And, there are plenty of people who are a bit further ahead on this path of conscious thought --seek out help from them. (That also means you can reach out to me if you want to run ideas by me...).
With my love,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com
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