"Why God, why? Why doesn't my Dad love me? What is wrong with me, God? Why am I not good enough? What have I done to deserve this?" I interpreted my Dad's behavior as "Something is Wrong With Me."
I was a straight A student. I was a successful athlete. I was a kind-hearted girl. None of it added up. And though I had the deep, total acceptance of my mom, I felt intense pain in my heart because I was unacceptable to my Dad.
We yearn for acceptance and love. We strive so hard to have those around us approve of us.
The irony of it all is that we ARE born WORTHY and ACCEPTABLE to begin with. The unhealed thinking and the inability of those around us to offer us unconditional love does not mean there is something wrong with us. We are born into a world where there is something needing desperately to be healed: the hearts and minds of the inhabitants of this planet. Generation passes on this broken thinking to the next generation. The painful emotions that don't get healed from our parents infuse our little beings without anyone being consciously aware of this.
Perhaps, it is time to wake up and stop the painful cycles.
I've committed to doing this. It has been a very intense and emotional process of healing the layers. Yet, as I've sat with the pain from the past I've realized: once you look at the pain and offer it love and understanding, it transforms. The needless parts melt away and the wisdom remains.
Rather than allowing our pain to infuse every cell of our body, we can gather it all up in one place to examine it. Then, one small piece at a time--at the pace we can handle, we can observe what is there and gain the valuable gems that exist within the murky emotions.
The pain does eventually end and subside if you take the time to compassionately heal. It doesn't feel fun nor good to deal with it. But, freedom comes day by day, more and more, to those who bravely commit to transforming their pain and integrating the Sacred Wound Lessons that will become their greatest gift to the planet.
None of us are required to do this. It's optional. Yet, what I've seen is that those who choose to ignore, suppress and run from their pain are overtaken it by unawares. Pain not dealt with has a way of subtly and even blatantly taking over our lives. It infects our relationships, our health, our work, our parenting. The Pain Body that is never given love runs rampant in our lives. It has to be soothed in some way so most people find numbing mechanisms as their solution: glasses of wine at night, overworking so they never have a free moment to FEEL, experimenting with drugs (often prescribed by doctors), seeking satisfaction in material gains like clothes, cars, and money.
Don't be fooled. The people who seem to have it all on the outside may be the ones in the deepest pain. I see this first hand as a coach and it has astounded me.
I know this message is heavy. I address it today because if we don't take on the dark, difficult painful parts within us, we can only get so far in living our potential.
These intense pain bodies are currently being triggered by World dynamics for a purpose: it is time to give yourself the opportunity to deeply, fully heal. If you dare to gently and lovingly move through this process one small step at a time, wave after wave of personal freedom will emerge in your life.
If you choose to run, to hide, to escape, to repress and to numb: you may find that your self-sabotage increases and overtakes your life in more obvious ways. You may need to suffer until you don't want to suffer anymore. It's okay to not be ready. Just beware: Life will press you until you either heal or slowly self-destruct.
Your pain is a gift in a funny package. The sacred wounds from your life are your greatest teachers, yearning to be heard and paid attention to. If you open your spirit and finally say, "God, help me heal this pain. I'm tired of it. I want freedom," you will be amazed at how you are guided forward to all the right people and circumstances that support your healing.
How would life feel if you were free from that pain?
What might you be capable of if you finally chose to step back and care for the painful emotions and memories that have been asking for your attention for years?
Inner freedom. Peace. Wisdom. Hope. Love. Joy. These emotions and experiences are on the other side of healing our pain.
Listen, I have done the work and I still do. I deal with whatever layers emerge. I feel them. I experience them to learn the lessons and then they move out of my being. It may not feel good but then, anything in life worth doing often takes some intense effort and discomfort, right?
I encourage you to seek the support and help you need so you stop running from the pain and instead, offer it a bit of time and attention on a regular enough basis that you clearly get the messages it offers. Then, you can bid it farewell and thank it for all it has taught you.
I understand very deeply how this process works. I'm only ever an email away if you need some kind support in the process. I coach people who are ready to do the inner work and find freedom.
And guess, what-- I finally came to understand that my Dad was in too much pain himself to be able to love me. It was NOT personal. There was nothing wrong with me. He just did not have the capacity to love and accept me at that time. It was the greatest gift I could have received because the journey through this pain has given me incredible strength and understanding that has made me the person I am today. I can now say a genuine, "Thank You, Dad for the sacred wounds you offered me. It has allowed me deep growth and preparation to now help others."
With tremendous love and gratitude for those who dare to heal,
Patricia Omoqui, The Thought Dr.
www.patriciaomoqui.com
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